Looking like Santa post Thanksgiving? Christmas Diet...Here We Come!

So people have been asking me what my dieting secrets are and how I've managed to keep my body small. Listen, it wasn't easy. I bloated out my junior and senior year of college, put on at least 10 to 12 pounds and had my brother constantly call me fat and say "No Melissa, you really are getting fat". I took action after my senior year and thought to myself, I need to just get it all back, I don't want this little potbelly, I want a flat stomach, I want a bikini body and I want something I'd be proud of, because that's one less insecurity I'd have. Guess what, I did it!

My secrets:

1. Eliminate soda. I'm going back on my diet today. I slacked off because of a mini depression but now that I've found my bearings again, the first thing that worked real well was eliminating soda. The amount of sugars one bottle of soda contains is equal to about 16 spoons of sugar in your coffee. Completely not necessary by any means, and all it does is get converted to fat because your body will not burn it all in a day if you don't do exercise.

2. Look up fat flushers. Some foods are natural fat flushers, like raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, and even peaches for those of you who don't like the berry family. Kale is also a fat flusher, and certain spices believe it or not are fat flushers too. Which is why a lot of people are now looking to buy Raspberry Ketones, a supplement that's supposed to boost your metabolism. But I tell people, don't buy it because TV promotes it as a diet pill, do your research and research indicates that again, raspberries are good overall as part of your diet plan. So keep it natural, and buy a pint of the fruit itself :)

3. Put yourself on a controlled diet plan. Counting calories is tough, and not too many people really have the time to do it. So here's an easy way to really get your body in tip top shape without the calorie counting. Keep your breakfast and dinner on small portions and make lunch your biggest meal. Your body's metabolism is already active by lunch time and will be able to burn the food you have eaten for the day, but by dinner time, it slows down again, and what you eat, some of it will be stored and that's what you want to avoid. So for breakfast, cereal, oatmeal, small sandwiches are all simple and great to eat. Egg whites instead of eggs are excellent, fat free half and half milk instead of whole milk, whole wheat bread instead of white, are things to keep in mind.

4. Snacking is definitely okay. In fact I recommend it. Our bodies need energy to sustain ourselves through the day. My favorites are Fiber One brownies that are 90 calories each. Plus fiber is a great way to keep our digestive systems going and healthy. Also I absolutely love sugar free Jell-O pudding. My favorite is the chocolate vanilla swirl and trust me when I say you are not being skimped out on the taste.

5. Exercise. Now I don't feel you need to spend a ton of money joining a gym membership. There were two things I did to burn off those stored calories and fat, and that was simple cardio workouts. I used a cardio boxing game on my Wii to burn off those excess calories, and even something simple as jump roping and walking is all cardio. It gets your heart going, blood pumping and again activates your metabolism. You utilize your carbs, calories and fats as energy now, rather than it being stored in the body.

6. Last Resort: Supplementing diet stuff. I'm going to admit that I actually did supplement some dieting stuff to burn off those last few stubborn pounds, but that's all it was needed for. I was able to drop ten pounds on my own without the use of any dieting stuff, but for that last bit, I used Triple Strength L-Carnitine, an amino acid used for muscular energy and fat metabolism. Another good one is CLA and like I said Raspberry Ketones, but that one I don't think is as good as eating the actual fruit. Just my opinion, I don't endorse or feel it's required as part of your diet.

There you have it. My entire diet plan and methods that I used in the past year and a half. And I have to say, I still follow most of it. And when I get back to it all, my turkey belly will be gone by Christmas :) although I need it gone by the 15th!

When it Comes to Love

I've always believed that there's a difference between what we want and what we need. But I am also realistic, I've always been aware that way too often people confuse these two and mistake what they think they need for something they really want. It's honestly hard to tell the difference, but here's where the line becomes the blurriest...when it comes to love.

We all want to find someone that we can really connect with, someone who will make us laugh, smile, who will melt our hearts and make us that giggly little girl that you see in movies. Someone who's romantic who will always find a way to show that they are thinking of us. But it really isn't the same as what we need.

It's hard to determine what we need in a relationship. Some of us girls need a man who will be our rock, her strength, someone who can get her through the things she can't do alone. Others of us need someone to be our opposite. The man who will tame our wild ways, or the man who will bring that little wild side out of us, someone who can show us all the things we're missing.

Now the fun part...what we deserve. This is probably where most relationships fall apart. Our heads are filled with ideas on the type of guy we deserve. Our friends tell us, you deserve a guy who will always text you, it shows you're always on his mind. If he doesn't, then he doesn't really care about you. Please don't fall for this, to some extent, it's true, a guy should text you, but not all the time. He needs time to miss you, he needs time to feel your lack of presence. But there are times where he will be busy, or he will have a lot on his mind, and while yes, a text takes only a few seconds, not all men think that way. Here's another one: you deserve a guy who treats you like a princess, like a queen. Someone who spoils you. No, not at all. I don't want someone to treat me like a princess or a queen or spoil me because it's not always genuine. The princesses we think of are the Disney princesses, the ones who meet their soulmate through a kiss that wakes them from a deep sleep or rescues them from a poison apple. The prince who searches far and wide across the land to find the maiden who left her shoe behind in his castle and sweeps her away from a rough family situation. The man who showers you with gifts and little tokens of affection to keep you happy or keep you around, but it doesn't necessarily means that he's just as happy. Lastly, here's my favorite, you deserve a guy who'll never make you cry. Let's be realistic, we're females, we're gonna cry. But it depends on the reason why you do it. If you're with a guy who makes you cry because all you do is argue all the time, then no that's not someone you want to be with. But if you cry because your biggest fear is losing him, because you know that you can't be without him, because you're so happy that he's in your life, then that's a man worth fighting for. Those are tears worth shedding.

So here's the way I see it. Find the man who makes you feel everything that you can't get from anyone else. The kind of love that you can't get from family and friends. Find the guy who makes you feel what people cannot see...the butterflies in your stomach, the erratic beating of your heart, the fire in your soul, the radiance of your aura. Find the guy who makes you smile at the thought of him, at the thought of seeing him. The one who makes you exuberate happiness outwardly. When the whole world can see how happy you are at the mere mention of his name, when they can see that glow, then you know you have found something that is unbelievable, something that can't be matched.

So on a personal note, I'll tell the world, I need him. I don't want to be without him, because all I want is him. More than anything. There is no other, because I just don't care nor am I interested in any other man. He has my heart and I know I've done everything to push him away, but many times, he stayed. He saw something in me, and it was something he thought was worth exploring. I cry because losing him hurts more than anything. He's the one thing in my life that I'd fight for, the one thing I want to keep, the one constant that keeps me going, that makes me strive to continue to be a better me. He pushed me to greatness, he made me a stronger fighter, he showed me that not only was I awesome, but that I was an accomplished chick. And while I knew all of this on a certain level, he took me to the next. And all I wanted, all I still want, is to do the same for him. But now I can't, and now I'm without. And I'm not the same.

Headstrong Side of the Quarter

I'm so creative...

I've reached it, a quarter of my life is now pretty much complete. And while I haven't accomplished everything I set out to, the things I've endured, the obstacles I've overcome, have all led me to where I am today. To flashback to every major incident in my life would take forever and a day to get through it all, and I don't have that kind of time anymore ;)

For my birthday this year, I finally made a plan to accomplish one of the things I've always dreamed of doing for myself. While I originally wanted a party, I find that with parties, you never have the same friends from the time you make the invitations to the time of the actual party. So why waste the money and effort on something that will never be a solidified and definite plan? So that day I'm going into the city to enjoy the things that I love the most, museums, history, and the beautiful site of the fashion forward, financial center of our wonderful state. However, that's not what I set a plan for. I am going to finally do a photoshoot. I am going to have someone take a bunch of pictures at a location of my of my choosing to celebrate ME :)

25 years. It's insane to think about all that's happened, from moving as a kid to a strange new town, to graduating top 20 in my class, to working full time by the age of 19, to holding supervisory positions and climbing my way through insanely structured corporate/retailers, to finishing college with my 4 year degree, and that was all by the age of 22. Odd to think that it was barely just the beginning, and all of that was still the easier things to deal with.

After that the next three years became filled with anxiety, grief, loss, heartbreak, finding myself, losing myself, loss again, financial struggle, emotional issues, pre-depression, and my favorite, a series of uncontrollable health issues that all heavily changed my life.

I'm exhausted quite honestly. This year in itself has been one that I often thought to myself, "How on earth did I maintain my sanity?" I owe much of my strength to God, much of it to my late grandmother, and much of it to the way my parents raised me. I am a fighter, a trooper, a winner, a powerhouse, a leader, an intelligent, determined and oh so awesome woman.

Today, I stand two weeks away from my 25th birthday, and when my parents asked me what I wanted, I couldn't tell them, because I feel like I really have almost everything I wanted that they could give me and at this point, the thing I want the most, they really have no control over. And that's basically love and success. Health, I've got it, technology, I've got it, clothes, a roof, and entertainment, I've got it.

This year, I celebrate me, because I honestly believe I deserve it, and I'm going to show it! I'm ready to GO!

Tough Skin, Soft Tissue

I just giggled at myself for such a title, because it's not what you would think it to be. It's been about a week and a half since my surgery and I have to say, where I first thought I was doing well, it turns out, that physically this was true, but emotionally, I had a long way to go.

I'm going to admit right off the bat that this has been the hardest month of my life. I have cried almost everyday straight, sometimes just at the thought of it all, other times at the fact that this whole thing was not what I thought it was going to be. I realized that people showed their true colors, but at the same time, not so much that I showed mine, but I showed how vulnerable I really am.

Everyone has known me to be a strong person, someone that they can rely on in tough times, because for the most part, I really am that person. I sympathize, I relate, I support like a great bra. But sometimes the wires in that support break and you have a choice, either you fix it, or you get a new bra lol. But hey! Don't go replacing me so fast, because in this instance, I am completely fixable, so maybe that analogy wasn't the best one, but I was trying to keep it in the TaTas theme, sorry.

Why tough skin, soft tissue? Because they say that the skin is thick, I mean it's made of three layers, and technically it does take some really sharp object to break through it. But that's the exterior. Beneath the skin lies soft tissue, and that's what's easier to wear and tear. Like the adenoma, it was a mass of soft tissue, that literally fell apart once removed.  And it's safe to say, this I pretty much did the same. I don't know what it was exactly. I don't know why. All I know is that I closed up. I shut down. I stopped talking to my parents and my family, I even stopped talking to most of my friends. I spoke to only a few select people, and while many of you knew what I was going through physically, few of you knew what I was going through emotionally.

As I said before, this was a scary ordeal. When you know there is something in your body that's not supposed to be there, all you want to do is get it out. But you know that removing it requires surgery and with surgery comes a whole flood of other fears and concerns. And while most of them seem so small and silly, when you pile that on top of everything you're already worried about, those small questions just get bigger and more overwhelming. I began to think about going under and wondering what if my heart stops because this was all too much for me? What if I have a bad reaction? What if the surgery takes longer than expected? What if it was bigger than expected?

Remember how as a kid, some of us, not sure if you were one of them, but some kids look at a boo boo and start to cry? And even though it didn't hurt anymore and it stopped bleeding, you'd be fine and then 20 minutes later, you see it and you just cry again? That's been me post op. I look at my bandages and I start to cry. I can't even see my scar yet, but I cry because I see bandages, and I know that underneath, my skin was cut to create this gaping hole where they pulled out a mass. I kid you not people, this was my thought process.

I was happy at first, I had an amazing support system. I was fine, things went well, I mean I was able to pretty much get back to normal with the exception of heavy lifting and stretching or reaching. Still I found that those limitations also made me feel like this wasn't going to be a super speedy recovery like they made it seem. I was ok with certain aspects because I got out of doing shipment at work :) but at the same time, I really felt like I wanted to be able to do so much more, and I just couldn't.

Ultimately, today is the first day that I have stopped crying. This morning I was still a tear fest, but with the help of my aunt and one of my amazing friends, I saw things a bit differently, and it really helped me to ease my thoughts and suppress my worries. I felt good, I felt like I could start to go back to myself, the way I was pre-fibroadenoma. We'll see how I continue to progress, but today, I took a huge step forward towards normalcy.

Feeling Myself..Part 3 Post Surgery

So I finally had the surgery yesterday to remove the mass that was in my boob. My goodness was that an experience in itself. To be honest, it was the scariest, most nervewracking experience ever. To be in a hospital waiting room while you get the pre-op paperwork done, then you're shown into your room where they make you change into your robe behind a curtain, and not only that but you're stuck trying not to listen to the conversations going on around you, because you'd rather not know what the person next to you is going through, and hearing them voicing their concerns does not make yours any less.

I got the lucky opportunity to have my IV put in by a new nurse, and let me tell you, she was not successful. Here's the problem, I am absolutely terrible with needles, and I didn't need to hear someone say, "um, her vein shifted, I think we'll have to start over". But me being the big baby that I am, I got dizzy and nauseous and needed a few minutes to breathe, just so I wouldn't throw up. They decided to give me a pro nurse the second time around. Needless to say, my left arm and my left hand both have a nice black and blue.

I met with my anesthesiologist who asked me much of the same questions the pre-op nurse did. But when she didn't address my anxiety, I asked about it, and she was like are you worried about this? Of course, I said yeah, I'm kind of overwhelmed. She gave me something that was equivalent to two cups of wine and the worry surely went away. Overall, the operation took longer than originally anticipated, but I do feel like I'm handling it better than I thought I would.

Today I'm a bit sore, I'm in slight pain, but not enough to fill the super strong prescription that they gave me. I'm trying to be a trooper about all this and minimize the amount of pills I take. I want to endure this as best as I can. I am also swollen so I've been icing it to try and minimize it, but again, it's just all part of the recovery process.

I do have to say that throughout all this, I've had an amazing support system. And I truly want to thank those who were there for me. To those who weren't, it's fine, because I didn't have any expectations going through this. In fact, a good portion of those who read the first blog have yet to do my challenge that I asked of them. So in all honesty, I know where I stand and the people who stuck by me are the people who I will treasure the most, forever. Because they didn't have to take time out of their lives for something so heavy and something so hard-hitting but they did. They did it for me, and I will never forget it.

This journey isn't over. Tomorrow I get my dressings changed, and then I still have to wait for the final results of the biopsy. The good news of it all is that my scar will be minimal, the mass is out of my chest, and I can continue to work on maintaining my health while I'm still young and still got it. I'm happy with knowing that this was an eye-opening experience, and that there are people in my life who no matter what, were there for me, even if they hadn't known me for years. I have so much love in my heart right now, and I am so ready to share it.

Because She's With Me

Today was interesting...

I've always believed that dragonflies and butterflies are the embodiment of the souls of people in our lives who have passed away but have come to our side in times of need. Some of my friends have looked at me as though I was strange, but today was a bit of solid proof that my belief may not be so farfetched. Or today could be considered a complete coincidence. Either way, I'm taking something from it.

After having coffee with my friend today, I went to Staples to visit some old coworkers and friends. Lo and behold, there was a former customer of mine getting signs done for Breast Cancer Awareness, which truly warmed my heart. Yes I'm a big sap. So I said hi to my former customer and they actually would end up needing my help, which gained me them as my customers in my current field. Very exciting right?

As luck and fate would have it, this customer is a psychic. Yes, a psychic. Normally I'm not really into the whole psychic thing, let me give you a reading, and tell you stuff about your life that you may or may not want to hear. But when I was catching up with this oh so sweet lady, she looked at my necklace and asked if that was my grandmother, and I said yes, and she was like, she crossed over right? And I responded yes again. Then she said, what I already suspected, "she's still with you, you know". That made my day. Because earlier that day, I saw a monarch butterfly. And yesterday I saw the butterfly and dragonfly. So I know that she has been making appearances, but it was nice to have outside confirmation. It was odd, but truly nice. And to that ends my story of my happy awkward moment, because she's with me :)

Still Feeling Myself...My Journey Continues

So today was my appointment with the specialist, and I have to say I definitely believe I chose the right person to take care of me!

Here's the deal, it turns out this damn mass is a little bit bigger than we expected, and it's pushing the border on the scale of a large fibroadenoma. In other words, it definitely has to come out. It's seemingly benign with no indication or suspicion of being cancerous, therefore a biopsy is not needed prior to surgery, which means less time waiting, and less time worrying. What a damn relief!

In short, my surgery is scheduled for Wednesday 10/10 which the doc and I agree it's a lucky number :) I'll have to go back a week later for a post-op follow up and I may be able to come out with a minimal scar! Amazing :)

I'll keep you all posted post surgery. And I will be taking pink pics this month too. I just want to wait til this is over, or maybe I'll post later this week pre-op as well. Oh and I'm definitely rocking pink nails this month too!

Keep the pink coming and FEEL YOURSELF!

I'm Feeling Myself...Are You?

This is probably going to be the most important blog I will ever write. This is a blog that I never thought I'd be sharing, a topic I never thought I'd experience. And while many women have gone through worse, it's still a fucking scary thing when you're on that table and you hear something that will change your life, change your perspective, and honest to God it will make you value everything you've ever acquired.

Today, I received news that I have a fibroadenoma. A common, typically benign, small tumor, or lump on my breast. Easily removed through surgery, and many even choose to leave it and monitor it, as some tend to go away on their own. They can grow to be the size of a lemon, or they can be tiny. Mine is 2.5cm wide and 1.15cm in height. I'll most likely opt to have it removed, because I certainly do not want to know that there is an irritating lump present in my chest. You're not welcome here buddy, sorry you're gonna have to go.

I'm not writing this blog for pity, for viewers, for fans, for sympathy. None of that. I'm writing this blog today, because it's important for us women at ANY age to really start taking care of ourselves. I'm 24, about to be 25, and I'm thinking, man I have a LIFE ahead of me, I have TIME. But even then, there are just NO guarantees whatsoever! There's a lot in my life I want to accomplish, and have yet to accomplish, and I'm not going anywhere until I'm done.

Back to my point, back to my awesome title...FEEL YOURSELF UP!!! Yeah it sounds so wrong, but we have got to do it. Go online and look up how to administer a self breast exam and start feeling those bad boys up. Don't wanna do it? Then have your boyfriend or girlfriend do it. Tell them what they should be looking for, and look regularly! That means once a month, because ladies, our hormones are forever raging. They change our bodies constantly and again, typically, we're told to wait til we're 30, but turns out, a fibroadenoma is more common in women under 30.

Oh and lastly, fuck you school system for not adding this shit to the health education line-up. Saving the TaTas is such a big deal nowadays, and we should start to face the damn reality...it can happen at any age, even if it is more common in women over 40. I don't care about common anymore, I was never COMMON to begin with. So let's eliminate that word, and introduce reality, that ANYTHING and I mean ANYTHING is possible.

And by the way, if you're a friend of mine, and you truly care, here's what I want you all to do. I'm not asking you to make a donation in my name or anything like that. I'm gonna make it fun for you all...and I'm gonna add my own, to show that I'm gonna play fair. Go out, buy a pink shirt (you can get plain t's cheap almost anywhere so don't give me the broke excuse), and buy one of those braceletes, any bracelet. Whether it says I love Boobies, or it's a real Breast Cancer bracelet. Then, wear it, and post a picture!!! Title it I'm Feeling Myself! Plus, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month anyway...it's only super appropriate! Do this for me, fellas too! I wanna see these pics so get to posting and add it in my comments box! If you really wanna make me feel awesome, tag me in that shit! LOVE YOU ALL!

Crazy, It's Not What It Seems

This week is National Suicide Awareness Week and yesterday kickstarted it off by women writing "love" on their arms. The non profit organization To Write Love On Her Arms has stated that today is the day where we aim to change the stigmas on mental illness.

We've all heard the phrase "my girl is crazy". Fellas, what you think of as crazy is normal in comparison to the women who face coming to terms with the depressing thoughts that run rampid through their brains. Plus, did you ever stop to think that maybe there's a reason your girl is so crazy? It certainly didn't just happen, and she wasn't born that way.

Mental illness is something that cannot always be pinpointed. Some studies will show that mental illness is a product of one's environment while others show that women are genetically prone to mental illness. I believe that there is no definite answer, that in some situations, it is a byproduct of environment, that situations occur that make women doubt themselves, and ultimately as you guys say, just go crazy.

Women are emotionally dependent, and when we invest our hearts into someone or something, we do so with the full intent of being a part of it. Take myself for example. I have become insecure because of past relationships. When that insecurity increases, my tolerance for things unknown decreases, and not knowing is the thing that drives me crazy. Not having a clue, a lack of knowledge, is what really gets my mind reeling.

There are many women who have been in far worse situations than I have, but the point is, when we are broken down, when our psyches have been tampered with, when our insecurities show, we begin to lose bits and pieces of our sanity. When we are taken out of routine, we have to find ways to cope. We are not as adaptable as men are, and it shows, and it is evident. That girl that you think is crazy, has been damaged by the person who came into her life before you. You have a fragile person in your hands, and the way to understand her, is to get to know her, to talk to her, to support her and be there for her.

Mental illness is not a plague that is contagious, it is a plague to the person who experiences it. It takes over a lifestyle, it prohibits the mind from functioning on a day to day basis, it is an overwhelming feeling of lost self-control. We need to change the way we look at someone who may be depressed, who may be delusional, who may be volatile, and we need to discover the cause behind the problem. We need not judge these people based on their current status, because prior to that, these people most likely had everything together, only for it to quickly fall apart. The stronger ones are those who can rebuild themselves after being knocked down, those who can patch their insecurities, their psyches and their mind. They've overcome mental illness, they've stayed strong, they've gotten through it. Write love on her arms and show her that it's really going to be ok.

9/11 11 years later...

In light of the posts on facebook and on Instagram, I decided to share my thoughts and views on the occurrances of 9/11/2001.

I was sitting in lunch in 8th grade when the first plane hit. The principal came on the loudspeaker and announced that the period would be delayed, as we were now on lockdown due to a national security issue. Later on that day, the principal came back on the loudspeaker and announced that a second plane had crashed into the second tower. At that point, several students realized their lives would never be the same, as they had family members that worked in towers, or had family members that would be part of the rescue team.

The effect of the terrorist attacks on the trade centers is immeasurable, lives were lost, families broken, and faith in the strength of our nation had been diminished. We began to question the effectiveness of our Presidency, began to wonder whether or not our government had prior knowledge, and if they did, where was the preventative action that was necessary to ensure the nation's safety. Was the casualty count worth the lack of action because we were unsure? Because we did not have proof?

11 years later, our nation has still not recovered. Countless resources have been utilized in sending our troops into the line of fire, into nations that have refused our help, in order to maintain peaceful relationships. We still face the loss of men and women who are willing to fight for our freedom, knowing that they may or may not return.

I was watching TV not even for 5 minutes at the barbershop while my brother was getting a haircut, as all the names of the lives lost were being called by groups of two at a time, and each of these pairs took a group of names to recite. It was overwhelmingly sad, and I was dumbfounded at how to this day, we still see photos of people who are being deployed on duty, soldiers coming home to their families, soldiers leaving their families behind. Sadly, the war isn't over, and while we are forced to continue to fight it, we must always be reminded that we fight to protect our freedom, to protect our loved ones, to protect our nation.

Sadly, we have lost sight of the importance of appreciating the people we have in our lives. We have lost sight of the fact that this was a freak occurrence, and though mistakes were made, lives were lost, precautionary measures weren't taken, and countermeasures were more detrimental than beneficial. Think about it, I'm not trying to be mean on this one, but how many people still talk about Hurricane Katrina and New Orleans? It's fresher in the news in comparison, 6 years ago vs 11 years ago. But because it was a natural disaster and not a terrorist attack, we place more importance on the lives lost in the latter event. But the thing is, LIVES ARE STILL LOST.

Let's not let 9/11 be the reason we continue to mourn...by doing so, we're only showing that it continues to effect us, that we've given them a greater impact than they deserve. We need to show a sense of renewal, a sense of new strength, a sense of patriotism, nationalism. Let us continue to appreciate the men and women who have risked their lives, let us continue to thank them, and most importantly, let us be kind to our veterans, because these are the people who have seen things that we can't even imagine, things that we only read in textbook, or hear or see in the media.

Prince Charming...Not My Type

This blog is going to be for clarification. It's going to be dedicated to all my friends who sit there and tell me that I deserve a prince charming, that I should be looking for someone who treats me like a princess, and whatever else they tell me. Now I don't mean to offend all you ladies because I honestly love you with all my heart, and I know you guys think you're looking out for me, but I've needed to say this, and it took me a while, because I needed to be sure for myself, that I know what I want.

Here's what's wrong with your Prince Charming/Princess theory. It's just that...a theory, one that has some result, but not enough evidence to support the full idea. Prince Charming is a creation of the mind, an ideal that we women have created based on several Disney movies, which were created for children. The goal was to instill hope in us at a young age to seek a happy ending. To know that through disfunctional families, through bad luck, through evil, through friendship, we can overcome obstacles, we can face people standing in our way, and at the end of it all is a man who will be by your side. And those are wonderful stories but they are far from my story.

Prince Charmings are perfect, almost flawless. These princesses are just as beautiful, with hair flowing in the wind, voices like angels, hearts of gold. But that's not the world we live in. Not everyone can sing, not everyone has perfect hair, not everyone has a heart of gold. Not every prince charming is perfect. He will have flaws. He's not going to come in riding on his stallion, he's not going to wake you from a coma with a kiss, he's not going to search far and wide to give you back your shoe. I guess this is why I never dug the whole fairy tale thing, and why I appreciate RomCom's instead. They seem a little more realistic. Still cliche, but current.

I'll tell you I've found about myself. I'm a little more traditional. Throughout high school, while everyone was talking about boyfriends that showered them with gifts, that bought them cute little balloons and flowers on their three monthaversary, and a bracelet that said I love you on their sixth monthaversary (ugh I hated that), I was saying to myself, I won't be that girl. I don't need a man to shower me with gifts, I don't need a guy to celebrate every single month we're together. I want simplicity. I want a guy who's ok with doing the little things with me, the simple stuff, like watching a DVD over popcorn or applesauce lol. Like going pumpkin picking, like going wine tasting, or going into the city for a dinner at Hard Rock Cafe, just because I want to see a shit ton of guitars signed by people I probably won't remember. Someone to watch the football game with me over beers and burgers on a Sunday afternoon, and laughing at me with I shout at the TV because I'm a huge football dork.

Guess what ladies, for the most part, I've found that. And I'm happy. Because he's a dork, like me. He's become my best friend, the person that I spend my time with outside work, when I need to be away from it all. He's the person I watch those movies with, the person who something so silly as tv surfing is just as interesting as a night out at the bar, because we'll discover a movie we haven't seen. Someone who can switch from action packed vampire killing werewolf hunting movies, to Wall-E. Someone who flicks my nose and licks my face cz he's a bigger dork than I am. But these quirks are the same quirks that I have, the things that I'll never admit to on a normal basis, yet I stand here saying it now because it's exactly what I've always wanted and needed in my life.

Emotionally though, he's there for me when I need him. He's supportive beyond belief. He pushes me to be better, to keep going when my house of cards gets knocked down. He's helped me rebuilt it, and turned it into a fort that he's the guard of. And when things try to bring me down, he's there to pick me right back up. He's the first person I want to tell everything to, good or bad, when something happens, I think of him. The fact that he sticks with me through my craziness is something that I appreciate more than anything. He sees me for who I am, he brings me out of my shell, he let's me be myself, and yet despite the fact that I push and push, he stays. I'm happier than I've ever been, I'm back to who I was, I am myself, I am that dorky girl who thought she'd never find someone who could understand that beyond that crazy, is someone who is, as he calls me...awesome :)

Dream Chasing

It's amazing how throughout your life, people tell you that you can be anything you want to be. And while for some that may be true, others sooner or later realize that in order to be what you want to be, you have to develop your skill set in the area which you choose. The hard thing about it though, is that to develop your skill, you have to first recognize your strengths and your weaknesses. School teaches us the fundamentals, the basics. It creates for us the foundation to a long and exhausting life path in which we work to support a lifestyle, whether it's the lifestyle we want, or the lifestyle that we fall into.

We start with your basic subjects. Language skills/English, Math, Science, Social Studies/History and the Arts. From these subjects we learn what areas we're good at. Some of us excel in all of them, making us a well rounded individual who can pretty much go into any field in which we dream of. Others of us get grouped into the categories of being excellent with numbers, or being excellent with words and facts. Either way, our paths are created for us from the beginning, and it's then that we begin to realize that this is just the beginning of honing our knowledge and developing it into something that we can use to build our future.

I was one of those students who was pretty much well rounded. I had high grades all across the board and I learned things quickly. I was in advanced classes, and my teachers recognized my dedication to my school work, but they realized the one thing I had was a tendency to overwhelm myself, and thus, it created a bit of anxiety. I found however, that I was more into Arts and English/History/Social Sciences than being so privy to numbers. But my dreams were basically not my own. My parents had instilled in me at a young age that I would one day be a lawyer, and when choosing colleges that's what I focused on.

My degree is in Media & Communications and while studying I wanted to become a radio producer. I loved being behind the microphone and I loved being able to edit audio, turning them into shows, commercials, promos, etc. But lately, I found my degree was the foundation for something a little different..that my communication skills, and my retail management abilities combined, can take me anywhere, including marketing. However, a lifestyle change has also influenced me to focus on my nutrition and my health and well-being.

My dad works for a nutrition company, and I found that they have a marketing department, as any large and successful company would. The fantastic thing about it is that I now have a new dream...to join my dad's corporation and take my knowledge of my new great lifestyle, and bring that to others. Sounds like a fantastic plan to me. I'm going for it, and it all starts now.

You Big Baby Part 2

Being sick is only one of the things that turn you guys from macho men into gloomy guys. This one goes back to the superficial vanity that I was talking about. You won't show it, or let us know, but insecurity hits you almost as hard as it does us females. Yet, psychologically, we are more inclined to be succeptible into changing or doing something to mask it, hoping that the outside world doesn't notice what it is we are trying to hide.

Cosmo mag reveals that you share some very similar insecurities as we women do, however, I'm going to have a little fun with this one, and kick it up a notch. The first, is your Diet (refer to My Girl's on a Diet for a funny read on this topic). Summer's here fellas, and we know you're "watching your figure" just as we girls watch ours. You won't show it, but we know that when you get home, you're eating light, substituting a bowl of cereal for that large dinner you generally eat, Want some extra pointers? Do what we do, watch Dr. Oz :) Also, we know that you're trying to burn fat and tone up for your next feature and concern...those abs. You want that beachy six pack, that fresh out of the ocean, water dripping across each ripple as you walk towards us look, and yes we get it. Just don't overdo it fellas. The amount of time you invest in making yourself look good is the amount of time we lose out on spending with you.

Hair. I'm just going to group this one into a lump. Hair is a very important thing to both men and women alike. We'll admit the amount of time and effort that it takes in order for us to maintain grooming standards, from our actual hair, to keeping our legs silky smooth, and to also upkeep those other private regions. Now you guys won't admit it, but you feel the same way about your hair. Men tend to begin losing theirs around a certain age, so they like to keep it perfectly maintained while they still have it. Men, you are also aware of your chest hair, belly hair, facial hair, and other excesses that we need not talk about. Of course, we get it, you don't want to look like Austin Powers, and trust me, while you may feel insecure about it, we appreciate your efforts, because we want you to appreciate ours. Just remember, sometimes that little bit of facial hair, can sort of be a turn on if done right. So don't worry so much about this one being a major insecurity...just don't use our razors...or our shaving gel lol.

This one is my favorite...your hands. Its partially our fault. Media has suggested the use of a man's hands as a measuring guide to their units for years. Some sources say measuring the lenth of their middle finger to where their hand meets the wrist is the indicator of a man's size. But fellas, not everyone goes by that. I will tell you what you should worry about though. We love holding your hand, we love intertwining our fingers with yours, we love when you measure our hands against yours. We love when your hands stroke us, our hair, our arms, our backs, when we can rest our cheek into your hands. So because of all of this, you really should focus on keeping those bad boys SOFT. No girl wants to feel dead, dry skin caressing our face. So if you're a man with a hands on job that causes cracking, blisters, and bruising, invest some money in manicures and paraffin waxes...they do WONDERS!

I will admit, you fellas are much better at keeping your insecurities at bay than us women are. You make it all sound like it's part of your daily routines. You know 5min shaving here, 5 min grooming there, 10min showers, 2 hour to 3 hour workouts, quick meals because you can eat almost anything and burn it almost instantly, and you're all good to go. As far as the hands one, you'd rather them be manly and work-beaten than go to a nail salon to fix them up, but the truth is, there's no shame in making your hands super smooth to the touch. Just don't tell us how you do it, even though, we know.

You Big Baby Part 1

I'm referring to the guys on this one. I'm finding lately, that we're inclined to think that we as females are the complicated ones, but, surprisingly, men are becoming more and more vulnerable and it's scaring the hell out of them.

Vulnerability is not necessarily a bad thing boys. We as females like to see that you guys care about things other than yourself and superficial vanity (yep broke out the big words). I don't underestimate you fellas in the least bit. You catch when you reveal any type of emotion towards us quicker than a frog can catch a fly. It's what you do that moment after that annoys us, you act like it never happened. Let's face it, we co-exist for a reason. Men need women, and women need men (generally speaking of course). Whether you're in a relationship or not, at some point, we need each other, and it's how we react in that moment that defines the potential success of the relationship, or the potential failure.

One of the hardest moments to overcome is when one person gets sick, and you have to pretty much make a choice: do I risk getting my partner sick as well, just to be able to see them? Or do I just take the day to get some much needed rest and fight this on my own? Here's the thing though fellas: we women know how to take care of ourselves because it's that nurturing instinct that we were born with. We are aware of what it takes to ensure that we recover as fast as possible, and though we may not need to rely on you, we like to know that if we do need anything you'll be there for us. We don't always get that response though. In fact, sometimes all we get is a "Well, feel better, sucks that you're sick". Thank you, yes, I am fully aware that being sick sucks, and furthermore, I'm fully aware of why YOU think it sucks.

When it comes to you guys though, the world is turned upside down because you're stuck in bed with a 48 hour virus that basically kicked your ass and prevented you from doing all the things you "need" to do as a man. Oh NO! You missed a 3 hour gym sesh, you missed a day of boxing, or whatever it is you do. You're stuck at work because if you miss a day, you lose money, and that's not an option, so you're whining about how you want to go home and all you want is to get better.

Let me help you with that. No, seriously, let me. Two things: first, when you complain to us about all these things, we want to hit you, because again, we understand that being sick really does suck. What angers us, is how your priorities are so out of whack. You can't work a 8 hour day and do a four hour gym session and expect your body to be able to fight whatever bug has invaded your immune system. In fact, you compromise it further, and that 48hr bug will turn into a week one. Congratulations genius, you just made it worse. Second, you already know that we are going to offer in some way to comfort you in your crybaby form. Whether it's bringing you soup, or just stopping by to make sure you're not dying. We'll text you to ask you how you're feeling, knowing that most likely, you're not going to answer, but we do it because we care. So when you tell us no, we fully understand and we back away, especially if this is the first time you're sick in the time we've been together. A pattern of trust needs to develop, we get that. Again, what amazes is us is not the fact that you refuse to accept our help, we admire that you want to troop it out, but it's that you refuse to acknowledge that deep down inside, you need it.

This day and age, memes and facebook pages will have us believe that catching feelings is like catching a disease, that it's a terrible thing. It's not...it's what makes us human, it's what will bring us closer to finding a full life.

Because We Women Think We Can

Source: http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/why-bad-boys-164100436.html

After reading this article on Yahoo! Shine, I had to write about this topic. It's one of our biggest mistakes as women, and hey before you ladies hate me for giving up one of our biggest "secrets", let me just clarify, it's no secret.

There's two things that we do, and most of the times, we're aware of it, we just can't control our actions or explain why it is we try to do it. The first thing we do is we like bad boys. And while it seems like something so menial and so ridiculous, it sort of leads into the next thing, but we'll get to that in a moment. According to the article, studies show that women tend to drift towards the image of being with a bad boy or a sexy mate during days of high fertility and ovulation. When we are in our phases of lower fertility, or regular days, we look for more sensible and reliable men to pursue as mates instead. Apparently the psychology behind it is that the sexier male is a more suitable choice for fatherhood, and we seem to think that it's a good idea to pursue a relationship with said guy.

This leads me to my next point, it doesn't matter what time of the day, month, or year it is, most women believe that we are capable of changing a man. This to me, is by far, the funniest concept to date. Can this one be blamed on hormones? I can't be too sure, chances are there's a study about it somewhere being done. Let's take the bad boy for instance. Sure, our hormornal increase during the week of high ovulation allows us to believe that the bad boy is a suitable mate. However, when we come to realize that we are now in a relationship with a man who does not want to be tamed, we make it our mission to try and tame him into the man we thought or think he could be.

Change is a natural occurrence. Most people throughout their lives adjust to the environment in which they live in. In extreme situations, people are often forced to change immediately to accommodate for the new situation into which they have been thrust into. This often leads to a change of habit, lifestyle, or even sometimes a personality makeover. Some people choose not to change at all, because they feel that it's not necessary.

Most women are aware that change is possible. We abuse this knowledge and think that we can apply it and use it to our advantage. Therefore we take an unsuitable mate, and we try and turn him into our image of what our ideal guy is, or at least the guy we'd be willing to settle down with. You may get lucky, and it may even work at first, or if you end up with a man who is used to adaptation and is used to accommodating to other people's needs rather than his own. Most men though, do not fit that description. Why? Because men like simple, and they utilize the simplest functions in order to get through day to day tasks. And please, guys who read this, DO NOT take it as me calling you simple (aka stupid). I'm complimenting you on the fact that you do not thrive on complicated routines and mundane tasks. You again, live on the basic and essential functions that propel you through the day, which is why often times, you end up under a lot less stress than a female does.

Basically, what it comes down to is, we're just like men in that we think with our hormones rather than reason. The difference is, our hormones make us emotional and sometimes irrational messes, whereas, male hormones just keep you from thinking...period.

Dating Profiles and Dating...A Guideline

Ok, so you're at the point in your life when you want to explore all your options. It's just not enough going out to the bars and trying to meet people. I mean, if you think about it, bar nights are just as complicated nowadays with each night being themed and what not. Seriously, what kind of people do you think you're going to meet on Ladies' Night? Chances are if you're a female, the only guy you're meeting is the slick dude who thinks that just because you got some free drinks, he's taking you home tonight. Think again buddy. Country night, you get to witness some old fashioned people, and while a lot of them may be some quality men, who like to cater to the southern lifestyle of treating a lady right, most of them usually have someone that they're with. Then you have the nights for the older crowd, say your single late twentysomethings and early thirtysomethings, and you have the nights for the younger crowd. Your "I'm 19 so I can get in, but can't drink" or the "omg I'm 21 so I can drink" up to your "I'm a recent college grad but I still want to party".

Back to the online dating. Now there are several sites that are worthy of exploring but some of them you have to pay for, and when you're not exactly guaranteed results, or you're still unsure, and you don't want to pay for a service that may turn up to be something that you decided against, it becomes a difficult decision to make. So just a tip to all you potential site seekers, plenty of fish and okcupid are two sites that are free, just be aware that because anyone can message you, you may get some creepers, and some guys who really don't pay attention to what you're looking for.

Let's fast forward now. You meet this great guy, whether it was at a bar, or through one of these dating sites and you have a great first date. You seem to hit it off really well, so you go on a second date. Then, a third. At this point, you guys are really starting to like each other, you have a ton in common and you decide you want to pursue this. I present to you, the first question in the dating game. After how many dates, do you narrow the field down from maybe a couple of prospects to dating only one guy? It's a matter of the heart people. If you feel like one guy is offering you up everything you're looking for, then that should be the person you dedicate your time to.

You've taken that leap now, and you've begun to date this one person, but you're taking things slow because you don't want to rush into anything if you're not sure. You want this guy to be the one that you commit to, but you want to keep your options open, as you're not really sure what his intentions are, or even if he's looking for the same thing. In the event that he is though, a new question arises: "when is it time to take down the profile?"

Do you take it down after maybe a month of dating? Two months? When it becomes an official "relationship"? What if you guys have dated, you act like a couple, but he still hasn't made you his girlfriend, do you keep it because technically you're still single? If that's the case, should he keep it also?

Again, it's matters of the heart. I saw one of my friend's statuses and it said, single and in a relationship are just terms that we use, but they really don't mean anything. Only your heart can decide whether you are dedicated to someone, or whether you need to find someone who can really make your heart happy. Because when your heart has chosen, it will choose only one person, because that person is the one who truly makes you happy. That person has all the qualities that you are seeking and the qualities that with just a few simple words, can light up your day and plaster a smile on your face. That's dedication, that's committment, and that's when you go past dating, and you can finally take down that profile.

Breaking Away

Ever have one of those days where you just need a break from your cell phone? Like that line in the Katy Perry song "I just want to throw my phone away. Find out who is really there for me". Yeah, well that's how I'm feeling and then some. I'm not saying that I want to completely get rid of my phone. But today I just don't want to look at it. I don't want to answer any phone calls, look at any texts, update my statuses (I did one today but that was from my computer). I just want peace, quiet, and a day to my damn thoughts and vices.

I'm overwhelmed with frustration as I said to my friend last night, and it's most likely eating away at what's left of my sanity. How fantastic.

Today would have been that day where I sat in the cemetary, pulled up a spot in front of my grandmothers and chatted with them for like an hour in this gorgeous weather. Unfortunately I didn't get to. Maybe later I'll take a ride, maybe to the park. Find a spot under the tree, and just take in the breeze. Sounds like a plan :)

She's Rarer than a Diamond...is that so?

Guys have this idea of a perfect woman, the ideal girlfriend, the wifey type. She's got a body that turns you on the moment she's in your bed, she's got a smile that can light up a room, and it's super contagious. She's got eyes that can seduce you almost as quickly as they can melt your heart when she looks at you in that adoring way.

But let's add to that, shall we. You start dating this wonderful girl, and you discover that she's not trying to trap you! She just wants to see what you're about. That's why they call it dating right? She just wants to hang out with you, she likes that you text, but she's just as fine if you don't. She doesn't hit you up four to five times a day asking "Where are you? or "What are you doing?". She has a 3 text rule, if you don't respond after three times throughout the DAY, not the hour, then she doesn't bother, and she leaves you alone for the rest of it. You do you buddy, cz she's gonna do her. That's just the way it works.

Deep down though, she likes you. Something about you has got her attention. She enjoys the time you spend together and yeah, she's told a couple of her closest friends about you. She's not calling you her boo, her man, or her boyfriend, she's just letting it be known that she's digging you, and you're her type.

This girl, my goodness, this girl, she gives you your space. She lets you live your life the way you should, spending time with the boys, giving you the week to recover from being overworked, overworked-out, and on top of that, sick. She even went so far as to offer to bring you some soup or give you pointers on a quick remedy, and when you said you're fine, she let you be fine, or realistically, suffer through it the way you stubborn boys do.

Here's the best part. Throughout all this, she hasn't once pushed a relationship on you. In the amount of time that you two have spent, wherever you wanted her to spend it, and as many times as you've asked more from her than what you have of what she wanted, she's been willing to do it all. On top of that, she has yet to even mention what it is she wants from you. What she wants is simple, she wants an official date. A night where you take her out to eat, where you sit at any restaurant, and talk over some drinks and a meal for a couple of hours with no alterior motives or intentions. She wants to know, that throughout this process, you like her enough, respect her enough, to choose to be with only her, because chances are, that out of respect for herself, she's choosing to only see you.

Let's face it, this girl is definitely not the girl to date around, mess around, or put herself out there in that way. Sure she may go to a bar with her girlfriends, but when you joke and say "So, you ladies on the prowl tonight?", she's offended, because no, she's not, nor does she need to be. Unless, you're giving her a reason to, or you're basically telling her, she should be looking for something more than what she hopes she has. Let this girl know, does she have you, or not? Because while you were sitting there contemplating how even though she may be "amazing" and "the bestest <3" and all these other little things, you may not want to commit, there's someone who knows the same things, and is waiting for her to arrive on their doorstep, instead of continually ending up on yours.

It's Just Those Rainy Days

That really get you thinking about what is it in life that you really want. Sometimes its the rainy days that make you grateful for what you have when you're able to sit at home and snuggle next to the ones you love because it's just too gross to go outside. When that work day is over, you have someone to come home to, you have someone waiting there on the other side, after a long, grueling hard day.

I don't want to complain in this one, because lately, I've been counting my blessings. But I'm not gonna lie, he's on my mind. And it's in a way that I know that right now, is not possible. I want more from him than he's probably willing to give, and although he's given me more than I could have imagined, a part of me wants that little extra that turns it from something that's for now, into something that's for a while. Because even I'm not quite ready for forever. Do I hope that he could be? Maybe. But at this very moment, I'd even be happy with just taking the next step. Yeah....that's my mini rant.

The Swirl Effect :)

I try to name these blogs something that's subtle in cases of more controversial topics. This one is something that will hit home to lots of people, because we're amongst a group of individuals in where even though progress has been made, there's still a lot more to go.

What exactly am I talking about when I say the Swirl Effect? Well, that's my way of saying interracial relationships. Think of it in terms of ice cream...Vanilla and Chocolate swirled together to make one delicious cold treat. Top it off with some sprinkles and you've got a field day of yumminess. We could also call it the Neopolitan, but now we're just getting technical. The point is, that today, more and more people are exploring relationships with people outside their ethnicities. And while many people are completely accepting of it, there are a lot of traditional people in the world that still have a hard time accepting this type of relationship. So let's discuss.

I'm gonna put myself out there as an example to this one. My family heritage is Puerto Rican. Culturally, they are a very prideful and family oriented group of people. They are traditional, and believe in traditional values. Often times, a woman such as myself is expected to find herself a nice Puerto Rican or Latin boy, but even then, some latin ethnicities are less preferred. We're also expected to do it by a certain age. The younger we are when we marry, the more time we have to develop a family, because again that's just the expectation, large families, young love, compatibility.

But in my generation, women have come far enough to where we want to start a career. We go through college right out of high school rather than getting married. We put off relationships so that we can find great jobs, great careers. I'm already at what we have now dubbed the "quarter life" and I've yet to get started on the career path that I want. With the economy the way it is in 2012, who can afford to have a full family unless we have a full time, great paying job? And those are hard to come by. So yes, relationships in my life have taken a backburner.

Back on topic. Here's where I'm also not culturally traditional. I have a preference, and it is not one of my own ethnicity. I have to say I prefer to date caucasion men. It's just what I'm attracted to, and there are times where the women in my family do question or ask about my choices. All I can say is, that's who and what I like, and that's what I go for. I'm happy with it, and as long as I find someone that makes me happy, then why should it matter what they look like?

The matriarchs in our families grew up in a time when racism was still an issue. If you have an older mother, or grandmother, schools were still segregated, stereotypes were prevalent and quite honestly, they still are in some cases. When you see an interracial couple walking down the road, do you say "aw they look happy together" or is your first thought "oh, why are they together?" If your first thought is HONESTLY the second, then I'm not saying you're racist, because that's not the case, I'm just saying that we're still stuck in a mindset where something like that can still come as a surprise. And that is the effect that our cultures still have on us.

We have to remember that love knows no boundaries. There's no such thing as color when it comes to love. To be able to have that connection with someone, regardless of what they look like is what makes the relationship so powerful. To be able to share with someone your dreams...your DREAMS...not your career goals, is something so amazing. Your photos with your loved one will have a sparkle in it that makes it beautiful because the way you feel about each other radiates off to the camera more than a "pretty couple" photo. But maybe one day, we'll be able to look at such a couple and say "Aw they look happy together, they're beautiful".

My Girl's on a Diet!!!!

So today I saw the status of one of my guy friends, and to paraphrase and summarize, it basically said that if your girl hasn't gained 10 lbs in the first year you two have been dating then she's messing with some other dude. And if she looks better than when you first met her, then she's definitely trying to make herself look good for other men in her life, or the possibility of other men in her life.

I have a problem with this statement. First of all, I commented and said that the reverse could also be true. I mean what if she knew that YOU were cheating and that she decided to start losing weight so that she could get you back, or keep you around. Obviously you stopped paying attention to her, so she felt she needed to do something to get the attention back.

How about this? With the standards that the media and men are setting for us these days, it takes an emotional toll. The ideas of the beach body and young guys posting up pics of Summer '11 or Spring '12, when they went on a vacation and took pictures with girls that have the bodies of barbie dolls, all play in our heads and we begin to wonder, well what can I do to look like that?

So we go to the stores to look at workout plans. Ever notice that all the DVDs have personal trainers on the cover that have the sickest abs imagineable? So you shoot for those results, but hey while some people really do look like that (kudos to them by the way), others are just airbrushed. So let's face it, we're spending money on something that may or may not work, or have the potential to give us the body that we want, only to be further scrutinized by the men in our lives who now say "You're too skinny" or "Who you trying to look good for?" Hellooooo?! We did it for YOU. Because while you were looking at supermodel Kate Upton, or eyeing the cute little 20somethings at the bar, we were trying to catch those glances.

Let's forget about the vanity part of why your girl may be on a diet. Take a moment to think about the health aspect of it all. With the amount of people who are overweight in our country due to the fast food chain of the restaurant industry, why shouldn't she monitor her health? The better she eats, the more she can avoid health issues like hypertension, coronary disease, diabetes, etc. Plus eating right promotes a healthy exterior. The proper vitamin intake can cause improvements in overall health, fingernail growth, hair growth and improvement in shine and texture, as well as a boost in her confidence. A boost in her confidence equals an increased sex drive, and that just works out in your favor, if you're smart enough to notice.

Remember fellas, don't turn your eyes away from the woman you love, or from the woman who loves you, because chances are, when she's taking that time to diet, someone is going to notice, even if that someone isn't you. But for your sake, I hope that it is, cz then you don't have to worry about "some other guy".

It's in his Kiss...a very Cosmo style blog today

Sources: Alloy.com; YourTango.com; iVillage.com

This one took a little longer to write, and I'm sorry. The other day I asked advice from a guy friend on the different types of kisses a guy typically tends to go for. One question in particular was the "kiss on the forehead".  I feel like typically, this isn't one that's talked about very much, and it also isn't used very often in my opinion. In exploring for answers, I have to say I didn't find much. My friend says that it's a good thing when a guy kisses a girl on the forehead. It's a sign of affection I guess. Some sites confirm it, but other sites also say that it's a sign that a guy is basically pulling back, signaling that he doesn't want the relationship to go further than where it is at that moment. So I guess the important thing to look at with that one, is the context or the situation in which the kiss is delivered.

It wouldn't have been enough to just talk about the one type of kiss...so I decided to decode some other more "popular" styles of kissing. Of the several websites searched, these are the most common and easiest to decode, but I'll also give you signs of how to know when they're ready for each one, and when girls should be ready :)

The peck, is often the type of kiss guys use early on in the relationship, or rather, the dating process. It's a sign that they want to kiss you, really kiss you. This one is also sometimes called the "closed mouth kiss". Sometimes it may last a little longer, and sometimes a guy will pull away, but stay near your lips, waiting for you to make the next move. If you notice that he's trying to tease you into a kiss, it won't be long til you're experiencing full on lip action.

French Kiss. This one became my favorite after reading these articles. To hear guys describe this one is funny. So to some, the french kiss is the king of all kisses. But it comes in different styles, and not only that, it's a sign of passionate things to come. If you're locked into a french kissing situation, there's some things to do and look out for. Standard french kissing is often the best kind because it uses a playful amount of tongue. If a guy really wants to take the moment to the next level, there'll be plenty of touching involved. Often times a guy will either place his hands on your hips or on the back of your neck and along your face. I often say that a touch is one of the things that drive us women wild.

When it comes to french kissing, you should be looking out for the tongue tango and the slobber. Both are signs that the relationship may lead in a completely less desired direction. If done properly, the tongue tango can be a sign of how playful he is, both in and out of the bedroom. But then there's what some call lizard or propeller tongue...it's where the tongue just flickers in one direction, one speed, and often times in a rhythm that turns you off. Now, do I really need to explain the slobber? That one's just gross.

Let's quickly go into some other styles. Two other popular well liked styles are the bend back and the playful neck bite. The bend back is basically when a guy slightly bends the girl back, usually by grabbing on to the back of her neck, before kissing her. Often times this is done passionately and is a sign that he's taking control and wants you to know that in that moment, you're his, but not in a possessive creepy way, but in a way that let's you know that even though he's super masculine, he adores you. Then there's the playful necking. While kissing we often don't just stay on the lips, we like to explore. So we explore by kissing the next spot closest to the lips, and that's our neck. Now this is usually when things start to get a little heavier, so be sure that all intentions are clear.

Kissing can be fun, but often times it can be hard to decode exactly what it is that's going to come out of it. A lot of guys nowadays look at kissing as a sign of intimacy, especially the ones that are afraid of it. Their biggest fear is giving off the impression of getting to close by participating in the wrong type of kissing style. What most people forget is that kissing is also used as foreplay, and fellas, understand this, some girls just need to be kissed!

Marriage is an Institution :)

I was just on facebook and saw that one of my friends posted about girls being able to take the last name of the guy that they are going to/will marry in the future. It received a lot of comments, and I have to say, I'm happy to see that most men are traditional in the sense that they still want women to take on their last name. That's sweet. Now if only you men can be traditional in other aspects of relationships...

So I decided to take this time to talk about marriage in whole. In the movie 27 Dresses, James Marsden's character says "I give the guy a lot of credit. Although he is willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery left in this world, for some reason, he always looks happy". I love that line, because even though it is ironically cyncial and somewhat untrue, he in a way makes a point. Some men, men like him, will look at marriage as an instituion, a place in where you are held against your will, forced to do things that when you are single, you wouldn't dare to do because guess what, often times your mother did it for you. But things just seem to change when you tie that knot, and before you know it, you hate your name, wishing that you could change it, as your wife calls you every half hour to ask you for another "favor".

But it wasn't always this way. The reason why we are in such constant conflict is because times have changed, and so has the the generation in which we live in. Look at it this way, back in the day, the roles of the household were clearly outlined. The woman was the housewife while the man worked to support the family. But we are now in a world where us girls are fighting for our careers, for our names, for a shot at success in the real world just like the men do. And with that comes competing values within the relationship. So when two people get married, and if kids get involved, who stays home? Who keeps their job? Do both the husband and wife still work?

We continue to be at a crossroads in life as relationships are only getting more difficult with each generation that passes. In fact, relationships seem to be diminishing, as divorce rates are high, and kids start "going out" at younger and younger of an age. It's up to us as parents to stop this amongst our children and re-instill the values that were once given and taught to us as kids. Maybe then marriage will go back to being something based on true love and compromise!

Friends with Benefits

This one is a hot topic people...and it continues to be to this day. Let's face it, we're stuck amongst a generation that really doesn't want to deal with relationships because they seem to be too much time and effort. But when did we honestly become so afraid of committment? What happened to us that we seem to think that simple no-strings attached encounters are better than being able to spend time with someone who enjoys the same things you do? So now, let's evaluate the supposedly simple, but often times complex situation of Friends with Benefits.

This discussion is by request, just so my audience knows. The party who requested this discussion states that in his opinion, the world would be a much better place if people were just honest with each other from the beginning. Both parties should make their intentions clear so that there are no surprises. He also thinks that a FWB situation could be fun because their is no pressure for a relationship.

Now, this person has a valid argument. The world would be a much better place if people were just honest with each other. There lies the complicated part of the situation. A study shows that men lie 6 times a day, twice as many times as women. But another study shows that 70% of women can lie more cleverly than men. So if you think that she's really ok with a FWB situation, you may want to keep this in mind. In honesty, she's probably hoping that at some point in the time you guys will spend together, she can convert the situation into a legitimate relationship. It's basic psych 101. But it's also a known fact that people will lie about their level of committment in any type of "relationship" whether it's a friendship, a FWB, or an actual relationship. Basically it's never easy to determine someone's level of committment, and this is not completely against men, because women are just as deceiving. In fact there are times where the woman will be less committed than the male and the male ends up falling for the woman along the way.

So how do we approach this situation. Say you meet someone, you're having an awesome conversation at the bar over drinks, and you're thinking, this could be exactly the right person for what I need. Just a simple, casual, beneficial situation. When do you approach the situation and tell them, "Hey, so I'm not really looking for a relationship, I just want something fun"? I'll give you a hint, you certainly do NOT do it that night, because trust be that will become a ONS quicker than you ever planned. Refer to that blog if you have no idea what I'm talking about. So here's what you do, you get their number, talk for a couple days, and make a date. But not a formal date, but like a day to hang out. Do something fun, simple and inexpensive. Ease your way into that conversation, ask the person what it is they're looking for. More often than not, they'll reveal almost immediately that it's been on their mind but they didn't know how to say it. And it's true, these situations can be fun, because now the pressure is off. You can see them whenever you're both available, and if one of you has a busy work week, the other isn't upset about it because neither one of you are committed to the other. And when you do get together, you don't have to worry about long conversations of how their day was. Quick responses and limited conversation while having a good time and being able to get away from the hectic world that we call life. Sure you can have your dates in between, in your search to meet "the one" but when you don't find it, or your date is unsuccessful, you know you have someone to turn to that can at least provide you with the satisfaction you did not get.

Here's my only issue. I'm still old fashioned. It's harder for us women to be in a FWB situation after a while because our bodies are ticking clocks. We're expected to have a career by a certain age, if we want to be a career woman. But if we do that, we're looking at an expectancy of settlement by the age of 30. From there we don't have as much time to build a family. Guys, you have no clock...your stuff keeps going even when you're like 50. So please excuse us if when we're 25 we want a legit relationship while you men still want to have your fun. Whatever you do, don't LIE about it though. Honesty will get you farther, even if it doesn't get you what you want. You'll at least have avoided earning the title of "that lying asshole".

PICK UP LINES!!!!

Owwwww!!!! This one is thanks to my wonderful cousin! And to all the losers out there who actually try this.

Ok so I've seen this everywhere. From dating sites, to status updates, to even experiencing it in a bar that I'm at. They're pick-up lines, attention grabbers, corny little sentences that we say to start a conversation of the person that we're attracted to.

Do these really work though? In some cases, oddly enough they do, because some of you guys actually put effort into coming up with something creative. And for that, you guys definitely earn your brownie points. And if you can keep the conversation going after you get the initial eye roll, then you just might be worth the time over a drink or two.

In this one, I'm going to go over some of my favorites and some of my least favorites, and then I'll tell you why they don't work, will never work, and you shouldn't even TRY them. Let's start with my least favorites, because honestly, that's more important. These little liners will get you almost an immediate dismissal. And then I'll tell you how you guys continue to mess up rather than redeeming yourself. Boy, I feel like this is something out of an episode of Guy Code, but here it goes.

First one, is "What's up ma" or "What's good". It's as dumb as saying "How You Doin'" the Joey Tribbiani line. Here's why it almost always fails...it's not freakin cute. No woman wants to be called ma, and we don't want to be greeted with what's good. Make us feel like you're actually making an effort. You want our attention you have to earn it. Oh and while most people will say flattery will get you far, it's a yes and no. Flattery will get you further in your pursuits, but do NOT sit there and say "Hey princess" or queen...we know we're not royalty, and we damn well know that you are not basing that on our personality.

Second one...the phone number request. Ok, some of you try to pull this one off at the start. You think that you're being bold or brave by not only seeking our attention but asking us for our numbers. Guess what...that works even less. Just so you know "Can I get your number or what" is not attractive...that's not how you ask for it. In fact, it makes us want to reject you instantly.

Other lame lines: "Can I get a second", "Can I holla at you for a min" "Heaven must be missing an angel..." all that, doesn't work at all.

Let's put it this way. Simple flattery works best. There's nothing better than a guy who comes up to us and says "Hey I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar...Hi, my name is.." That's sweet. It means that out of all the people, you not only saw me but you took the time to approach us. And don't be so quick to buy us a drink, especially if our cup is still half full. Pay attention to the smaller details, and fellas I know it's hard to do but sometimes, you just have to in order to get our attention. Surprise us, let us know you are really taking the time to know what's going on in your surroundings.

Lastly, if you're going to compliment us, petnames, nicknames, corny comparisons just won't do it. Some girls are told how hot they are more times than they can count. And as much as they want to hear "you're beautiful" that doesn't cut it anymore either. We know that that is the only word you can think of that will romanticize "hot". Be smart. Pick out a feature of ours you like best and compliment that. Saying "you have a great smile" is better than "you're beautiful".

Learn from this one!!!!!! Whether you are looking for a relationship or not, this blog is super informative. One of these pointers is BOUND to help you!

To Be Lost in a Dark Place

We all have those moments in our life when we don't feel like ourselves. For me, it happened because of a mistake that sometimes you try so hard to avoid and it ends up happening anyway.  In a vulnerable state of mind, I let someone really take advantage of me. But when you are not mentally whole and sound, it becomes easy for situation like that to happen.

The spiral only continued from there, not in the sense that I did bad things, but in the sense that emotionally, there was a lot I could not handle. My anxiety came back two fold and I found myself panicking over things that I would once take with a grain of salt and overcome.

A once strong individual, I began to completely break down. It was like a demolition man came at me with a wrecking ball. I hit bottom. And what's worse is that feeling knowing that we're there and having nobody to help us out, because you don't know who to trust. So we feel like "who do we turn to?" And we wish for someone to throw us that ladder. But when that ladder doesn't come around, we have to find another way to get out of the hole we are in.

But not everybody has the strength to do so. Some of us will sit and wait for someone to eventually come along and help us out, while others of us will climb, one step at a time. And though we may slip along the way, we continue to harness the strength that will eventually pull us through. When we finally see the light and pull ourselves out, breathe in that sweet air and take a look around. Embrace your new opportunity to go out and embark on a new journey. But if you feel that you need to close that hole so someone else won't fall, then by all means, do so. Just remember though, you climbed out of it.

The DC ONS

So the title of this blog to some may just be about a whole bunch of letters. What is the DC ONS? I'm talking about the Dane Cook One Night Stand. I've got to talk about this because let me tell you, that while he jokes about it, the situation really can suck.
So here's the deal. I get it fellas, I really do. One of the many good things life offers us is the freedom of intimate expression, aka sex lol. And a new experience can be so exciting. You get to be in front of a brand new body. A steanger, someone you have never explored. It can also be so nervewracking until that moment when your bodies are now together and man, it feels so good right?!?! Now you're all thrilled, you've got a rhythm going and it gets to that moment right before the release and you have NO idea her feelings on where it should all go. And like Dane Cook says some of you just don't care because you are just into it. So you do the stupid thing and release it all in there.
Fellas, we thank you in advance for this situation. You feel great right? Well now think about that second part of his skit. You have no idea of the choices she made following your little act of enjoyment. All you now know is that you start to think one month later, shit, um...this could be bad. And then the phone rings and the last thing you want to hear is "We need to talk".
Yes, ok DC's situation was funny. But see not all ONS's are glorified and fun. Some just end really badly but hey we've got to take them as they come. Some of us go to a bar looking for it because we think that it's what we need. Lucky you if you can do it and not feel some type of way after. Others of us don't plan that ONS. We get unlucky in our quests for something more and end up with a learning experience of what not to look for in a person we want to be with. The point is that the bigger person will learn from it, grow from it, take responsibility for THEIR part in the matter, and keep moving forward.
Let's face it, ONS's are a bigger part of our journeys than we'd like them to be. Everyone will go through it at least once in their lifetime. But for every bad experience, or REAL bad experience, or for every uh oh, OMG, and I can't Believe I Did That...there's a silver lining: Someone in this pair, lost out on a potentially great thing. So while one of the parties keeps on seeking those One Night Stands to keep them temporarily satisfied, the other will grow up, look at it as another story, another blog, or another chapter in a book and say FUCK you...I'm so good.

"You know...I could have pulled out...'What Daddy?' You could have ended up on a t-shirt or pillow case.. 'Dad what are you trying to say?' I'm saying, your mother could have swallowed you" --Jo Koy lol