Friends with Benefits

This one is a hot topic people...and it continues to be to this day. Let's face it, we're stuck amongst a generation that really doesn't want to deal with relationships because they seem to be too much time and effort. But when did we honestly become so afraid of committment? What happened to us that we seem to think that simple no-strings attached encounters are better than being able to spend time with someone who enjoys the same things you do? So now, let's evaluate the supposedly simple, but often times complex situation of Friends with Benefits.

This discussion is by request, just so my audience knows. The party who requested this discussion states that in his opinion, the world would be a much better place if people were just honest with each other from the beginning. Both parties should make their intentions clear so that there are no surprises. He also thinks that a FWB situation could be fun because their is no pressure for a relationship.

Now, this person has a valid argument. The world would be a much better place if people were just honest with each other. There lies the complicated part of the situation. A study shows that men lie 6 times a day, twice as many times as women. But another study shows that 70% of women can lie more cleverly than men. So if you think that she's really ok with a FWB situation, you may want to keep this in mind. In honesty, she's probably hoping that at some point in the time you guys will spend together, she can convert the situation into a legitimate relationship. It's basic psych 101. But it's also a known fact that people will lie about their level of committment in any type of "relationship" whether it's a friendship, a FWB, or an actual relationship. Basically it's never easy to determine someone's level of committment, and this is not completely against men, because women are just as deceiving. In fact there are times where the woman will be less committed than the male and the male ends up falling for the woman along the way.

So how do we approach this situation. Say you meet someone, you're having an awesome conversation at the bar over drinks, and you're thinking, this could be exactly the right person for what I need. Just a simple, casual, beneficial situation. When do you approach the situation and tell them, "Hey, so I'm not really looking for a relationship, I just want something fun"? I'll give you a hint, you certainly do NOT do it that night, because trust be that will become a ONS quicker than you ever planned. Refer to that blog if you have no idea what I'm talking about. So here's what you do, you get their number, talk for a couple days, and make a date. But not a formal date, but like a day to hang out. Do something fun, simple and inexpensive. Ease your way into that conversation, ask the person what it is they're looking for. More often than not, they'll reveal almost immediately that it's been on their mind but they didn't know how to say it. And it's true, these situations can be fun, because now the pressure is off. You can see them whenever you're both available, and if one of you has a busy work week, the other isn't upset about it because neither one of you are committed to the other. And when you do get together, you don't have to worry about long conversations of how their day was. Quick responses and limited conversation while having a good time and being able to get away from the hectic world that we call life. Sure you can have your dates in between, in your search to meet "the one" but when you don't find it, or your date is unsuccessful, you know you have someone to turn to that can at least provide you with the satisfaction you did not get.

Here's my only issue. I'm still old fashioned. It's harder for us women to be in a FWB situation after a while because our bodies are ticking clocks. We're expected to have a career by a certain age, if we want to be a career woman. But if we do that, we're looking at an expectancy of settlement by the age of 30. From there we don't have as much time to build a family. Guys, you have no clock...your stuff keeps going even when you're like 50. So please excuse us if when we're 25 we want a legit relationship while you men still want to have your fun. Whatever you do, don't LIE about it though. Honesty will get you farther, even if it doesn't get you what you want. You'll at least have avoided earning the title of "that lying asshole".