Real Men (dedicated)

Ok, so I've been seeing these posts and pictures everywhere, and I'm honestly so tired of it, that I need to make something clear.

A man is NOT defined by how often he texts his girl, or how often he calls her. There was a time when there were no cell phones and a man had to walk his ass to a girl's house, throw rocks at a window just to get her attention, or call the house phone and ask her mom if he could speak with her. Texting is a modern day privilege that most of us have forgotten we once did without. Don't define your fucking boyfriend by the number of texts he sends. Cut that shit out, get real, a text is a text, and most times, we take them out of context anyway.

A man is NOT defined by how many times he says he misses you. Guys are fucking guys, they very rarely show emotion. Most girls are lucky to have a guy who isn't AFRAID to utter those words, let alone get a guy to say "I love you". Ask around, tell your friends be honest, and I bet you half your friends are dating a guy that can't even say "I care", "I miss you" or "I LIKE YOU".

A man is NOT defined by how he lays it down in the bedroom. That's your business, nobody else's. He doesn't need to pull your hair, he doesn't need to play rough. A good man in the bedroom caters to what his girl NEEDS. He knows her body, he knows her mind, he knows her soul. If she can feel at the end of her encounter that there's nothing better than the connection that just resulted from the intimate moment they just shared, then guess what ladies, you got yourself a "Real Man".

And lastly, to all you selfish, materialistic type chicks...your MAN is not defined by how much money he spends on you, the "just because" gifts he gets you, the things he does for your birthday, that concert he took you to, that Coach bag he bought you, etc. How much would you bet if you asked him why he did it, that "just because" turns into "because that's what she expects". Good job, you became an obligation.

A "REAL Man" is defined by the way he treats his girl at all times. The way he treats her when they're alone, the way he treats her in front of his friends, family, her friends, her family. A man is defined by the love he gives to her. Any guy can SAY they love you, but how many of them will show it? A man who loves you knows that your happiness is what matters most, that the smile on your face lights up HIS world. He doesn't need to say it 10 times a day, because if he was a REAL man, you'd know that no matter what happens, he loves you more than anyone else. A real man will not just introduce you to his mom, but make you feel like you're a part of his family, that his mom is your mom, and that she loves you as much as he does. A real man knows that the real treasure, is the beautiful woman that he is with, and that no amount of jewelry can make her more valuable, because she already was. A real man knows that no amount of time can come between the relationship. He's not afraid to take that two week business trip because he knows that when he returns, you won't love him any less, in fact if you were smart, you'd love him more. That business trip was so that he could keep his job to support YOU.

To all those Real men out there, the ones not defined by today's standards, keep doing what you do, because one day, we woman will wise up when we realize that we were searching for the wrong things. Some of us may take a little longer, but hey us girls are willing to wait for guys too. To the women who understand what I'm saying, and know a real man, or have a real man, thank God for him tonight, because some of us are still wishing for one.

Words Unspoken

Ok people this one is done by special request...haven't done poetry in a long ass time, so please excuse me if it's not that great. But if this one gets enough feedback, maybe over time, I could get back into it...

Words Unspoken: Story of Goodbye

The story of a heart that's broken
Told with words that were left unspoken
I sit here looking through my windowpane
As outside it starts to rain
I think of these beautiful April Showers
Of a love that could have grown like a flower
But instead I sit here, about to cry
Wondering why instead, I had to say goodbye
I would have given you the best part of me
The part of me that would have been only yours to see
Something that's sacred, something I treasure
Something that when given, no words could measure
We could have shared many starry nights,
Of course what's any relationship without any fights
But I would have been determined to see this through
I would have been ready to give my heart to you
Through a twist of fate, our paths began to part
Like a fork in the road, not knowing where to start
You took one way and in an instant you were gone
The path I chose to follow, it seems it was the one that's wrong
For you see, I'm having trouble finding where you are
I wonder where you could have gone, and if I'm really far
As I try to get close to you, I just can't seem to catch a break
Maybe this is my fault, and what I hoped to be real, just was a bit fake
I could have been a tad bit hasty, seeing something worth so much more
You could say that I'm a bit of a romanticist, some find that to be a bore
I promise you though, if you had taken just one leap of faith
That everything I give to you would have been worth the wait
But again, I sit here, about to cry
Wondering why instead, I had to say goodbye.

Hm...and this isn't even my situation...but tell me what you guys all think!

Prince Charming...Not My Type

This blog is going to be for clarification. It's going to be dedicated to all my friends who sit there and tell me that I deserve a prince charming, that I should be looking for someone who treats me like a princess, and whatever else they tell me. Now I don't mean to offend all you ladies because I honestly love you with all my heart, and I know you guys think you're looking out for me, but I've needed to say this, and it took me a while, because I needed to be sure for myself, that I know what I want.

Here's what's wrong with your Prince Charming/Princess theory. It's just that...a theory, one that has some result, but not enough evidence to support the full idea. Prince Charming is a creation of the mind, an ideal that we women have created based on several Disney movies, which were created for children. The goal was to instill hope in us at a young age to seek a happy ending. To know that through disfunctional families, through bad luck, through evil, through friendship, we can overcome obstacles, we can face people standing in our way, and at the end of it all is a man who will be by your side. And those are wonderful stories but they are far from my story.

Prince Charmings are perfect, almost flawless. These princesses are just as beautiful, with hair flowing in the wind, voices like angels, hearts of gold. But that's not the world we live in. Not everyone can sing, not everyone has perfect hair, not everyone has a heart of gold. Not every prince charming is perfect. He will have flaws. He's not going to come in riding on his stallion, he's not going to wake you from a coma with a kiss, he's not going to search far and wide to give you back your shoe. I guess this is why I never dug the whole fairy tale thing, and why I appreciate RomCom's instead. They seem a little more realistic. Still cliche, but current.

I'll tell you I've found about myself. I'm a little more traditional. Throughout high school, while everyone was talking about boyfriends that showered them with gifts, that bought them cute little balloons and flowers on their three monthaversary, and a bracelet that said I love you on their sixth monthaversary (ugh I hated that), I was saying to myself, I won't be that girl. I don't need a man to shower me with gifts, I don't need a guy to celebrate every single month we're together. I want simplicity. I want a guy who's ok with doing the little things with me, the simple stuff, like watching a DVD over popcorn or applesauce lol. Like going pumpkin picking, like going wine tasting, or going into the city for a dinner at Hard Rock Cafe, just because I want to see a shit ton of guitars signed by people I probably won't remember. Someone to watch the football game with me over beers and burgers on a Sunday afternoon, and laughing at me with I shout at the TV because I'm a huge football dork.

Guess what ladies, for the most part, I've found that. And I'm happy. Because he's a dork, like me. He's become my best friend, the person that I spend my time with outside work, when I need to be away from it all. He's the person I watch those movies with, the person who something so silly as tv surfing is just as interesting as a night out at the bar, because we'll discover a movie we haven't seen. Someone who can switch from action packed vampire killing werewolf hunting movies, to Wall-E. Someone who flicks my nose and licks my face cz he's a bigger dork than I am. But these quirks are the same quirks that I have, the things that I'll never admit to on a normal basis, yet I stand here saying it now because it's exactly what I've always wanted and needed in my life.

Emotionally though, he's there for me when I need him. He's supportive beyond belief. He pushes me to be better, to keep going when my house of cards gets knocked down. He's helped me rebuilt it, and turned it into a fort that he's the guard of. And when things try to bring me down, he's there to pick me right back up. He's the first person I want to tell everything to, good or bad, when something happens, I think of him. The fact that he sticks with me through my craziness is something that I appreciate more than anything. He sees me for who I am, he brings me out of my shell, he let's me be myself, and yet despite the fact that I push and push, he stays. I'm happier than I've ever been, I'm back to who I was, I am myself, I am that dorky girl who thought she'd never find someone who could understand that beyond that crazy, is someone who is, as he calls me...awesome :)

Because We Women Think We Can

Source: http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/why-bad-boys-164100436.html

After reading this article on Yahoo! Shine, I had to write about this topic. It's one of our biggest mistakes as women, and hey before you ladies hate me for giving up one of our biggest "secrets", let me just clarify, it's no secret.

There's two things that we do, and most of the times, we're aware of it, we just can't control our actions or explain why it is we try to do it. The first thing we do is we like bad boys. And while it seems like something so menial and so ridiculous, it sort of leads into the next thing, but we'll get to that in a moment. According to the article, studies show that women tend to drift towards the image of being with a bad boy or a sexy mate during days of high fertility and ovulation. When we are in our phases of lower fertility, or regular days, we look for more sensible and reliable men to pursue as mates instead. Apparently the psychology behind it is that the sexier male is a more suitable choice for fatherhood, and we seem to think that it's a good idea to pursue a relationship with said guy.

This leads me to my next point, it doesn't matter what time of the day, month, or year it is, most women believe that we are capable of changing a man. This to me, is by far, the funniest concept to date. Can this one be blamed on hormones? I can't be too sure, chances are there's a study about it somewhere being done. Let's take the bad boy for instance. Sure, our hormornal increase during the week of high ovulation allows us to believe that the bad boy is a suitable mate. However, when we come to realize that we are now in a relationship with a man who does not want to be tamed, we make it our mission to try and tame him into the man we thought or think he could be.

Change is a natural occurrence. Most people throughout their lives adjust to the environment in which they live in. In extreme situations, people are often forced to change immediately to accommodate for the new situation into which they have been thrust into. This often leads to a change of habit, lifestyle, or even sometimes a personality makeover. Some people choose not to change at all, because they feel that it's not necessary.

Most women are aware that change is possible. We abuse this knowledge and think that we can apply it and use it to our advantage. Therefore we take an unsuitable mate, and we try and turn him into our image of what our ideal guy is, or at least the guy we'd be willing to settle down with. You may get lucky, and it may even work at first, or if you end up with a man who is used to adaptation and is used to accommodating to other people's needs rather than his own. Most men though, do not fit that description. Why? Because men like simple, and they utilize the simplest functions in order to get through day to day tasks. And please, guys who read this, DO NOT take it as me calling you simple (aka stupid). I'm complimenting you on the fact that you do not thrive on complicated routines and mundane tasks. You again, live on the basic and essential functions that propel you through the day, which is why often times, you end up under a lot less stress than a female does.

Basically, what it comes down to is, we're just like men in that we think with our hormones rather than reason. The difference is, our hormones make us emotional and sometimes irrational messes, whereas, male hormones just keep you from thinking...period.

Dating Profiles and Dating...A Guideline

Ok, so you're at the point in your life when you want to explore all your options. It's just not enough going out to the bars and trying to meet people. I mean, if you think about it, bar nights are just as complicated nowadays with each night being themed and what not. Seriously, what kind of people do you think you're going to meet on Ladies' Night? Chances are if you're a female, the only guy you're meeting is the slick dude who thinks that just because you got some free drinks, he's taking you home tonight. Think again buddy. Country night, you get to witness some old fashioned people, and while a lot of them may be some quality men, who like to cater to the southern lifestyle of treating a lady right, most of them usually have someone that they're with. Then you have the nights for the older crowd, say your single late twentysomethings and early thirtysomethings, and you have the nights for the younger crowd. Your "I'm 19 so I can get in, but can't drink" or the "omg I'm 21 so I can drink" up to your "I'm a recent college grad but I still want to party".

Back to the online dating. Now there are several sites that are worthy of exploring but some of them you have to pay for, and when you're not exactly guaranteed results, or you're still unsure, and you don't want to pay for a service that may turn up to be something that you decided against, it becomes a difficult decision to make. So just a tip to all you potential site seekers, plenty of fish and okcupid are two sites that are free, just be aware that because anyone can message you, you may get some creepers, and some guys who really don't pay attention to what you're looking for.

Let's fast forward now. You meet this great guy, whether it was at a bar, or through one of these dating sites and you have a great first date. You seem to hit it off really well, so you go on a second date. Then, a third. At this point, you guys are really starting to like each other, you have a ton in common and you decide you want to pursue this. I present to you, the first question in the dating game. After how many dates, do you narrow the field down from maybe a couple of prospects to dating only one guy? It's a matter of the heart people. If you feel like one guy is offering you up everything you're looking for, then that should be the person you dedicate your time to.

You've taken that leap now, and you've begun to date this one person, but you're taking things slow because you don't want to rush into anything if you're not sure. You want this guy to be the one that you commit to, but you want to keep your options open, as you're not really sure what his intentions are, or even if he's looking for the same thing. In the event that he is though, a new question arises: "when is it time to take down the profile?"

Do you take it down after maybe a month of dating? Two months? When it becomes an official "relationship"? What if you guys have dated, you act like a couple, but he still hasn't made you his girlfriend, do you keep it because technically you're still single? If that's the case, should he keep it also?

Again, it's matters of the heart. I saw one of my friend's statuses and it said, single and in a relationship are just terms that we use, but they really don't mean anything. Only your heart can decide whether you are dedicated to someone, or whether you need to find someone who can really make your heart happy. Because when your heart has chosen, it will choose only one person, because that person is the one who truly makes you happy. That person has all the qualities that you are seeking and the qualities that with just a few simple words, can light up your day and plaster a smile on your face. That's dedication, that's committment, and that's when you go past dating, and you can finally take down that profile.

She's Rarer than a Diamond...is that so?

Guys have this idea of a perfect woman, the ideal girlfriend, the wifey type. She's got a body that turns you on the moment she's in your bed, she's got a smile that can light up a room, and it's super contagious. She's got eyes that can seduce you almost as quickly as they can melt your heart when she looks at you in that adoring way.

But let's add to that, shall we. You start dating this wonderful girl, and you discover that she's not trying to trap you! She just wants to see what you're about. That's why they call it dating right? She just wants to hang out with you, she likes that you text, but she's just as fine if you don't. She doesn't hit you up four to five times a day asking "Where are you? or "What are you doing?". She has a 3 text rule, if you don't respond after three times throughout the DAY, not the hour, then she doesn't bother, and she leaves you alone for the rest of it. You do you buddy, cz she's gonna do her. That's just the way it works.

Deep down though, she likes you. Something about you has got her attention. She enjoys the time you spend together and yeah, she's told a couple of her closest friends about you. She's not calling you her boo, her man, or her boyfriend, she's just letting it be known that she's digging you, and you're her type.

This girl, my goodness, this girl, she gives you your space. She lets you live your life the way you should, spending time with the boys, giving you the week to recover from being overworked, overworked-out, and on top of that, sick. She even went so far as to offer to bring you some soup or give you pointers on a quick remedy, and when you said you're fine, she let you be fine, or realistically, suffer through it the way you stubborn boys do.

Here's the best part. Throughout all this, she hasn't once pushed a relationship on you. In the amount of time that you two have spent, wherever you wanted her to spend it, and as many times as you've asked more from her than what you have of what she wanted, she's been willing to do it all. On top of that, she has yet to even mention what it is she wants from you. What she wants is simple, she wants an official date. A night where you take her out to eat, where you sit at any restaurant, and talk over some drinks and a meal for a couple of hours with no alterior motives or intentions. She wants to know, that throughout this process, you like her enough, respect her enough, to choose to be with only her, because chances are, that out of respect for herself, she's choosing to only see you.

Let's face it, this girl is definitely not the girl to date around, mess around, or put herself out there in that way. Sure she may go to a bar with her girlfriends, but when you joke and say "So, you ladies on the prowl tonight?", she's offended, because no, she's not, nor does she need to be. Unless, you're giving her a reason to, or you're basically telling her, she should be looking for something more than what she hopes she has. Let this girl know, does she have you, or not? Because while you were sitting there contemplating how even though she may be "amazing" and "the bestest <3" and all these other little things, you may not want to commit, there's someone who knows the same things, and is waiting for her to arrive on their doorstep, instead of continually ending up on yours.

The Swirl Effect :)

I try to name these blogs something that's subtle in cases of more controversial topics. This one is something that will hit home to lots of people, because we're amongst a group of individuals in where even though progress has been made, there's still a lot more to go.

What exactly am I talking about when I say the Swirl Effect? Well, that's my way of saying interracial relationships. Think of it in terms of ice cream...Vanilla and Chocolate swirled together to make one delicious cold treat. Top it off with some sprinkles and you've got a field day of yumminess. We could also call it the Neopolitan, but now we're just getting technical. The point is, that today, more and more people are exploring relationships with people outside their ethnicities. And while many people are completely accepting of it, there are a lot of traditional people in the world that still have a hard time accepting this type of relationship. So let's discuss.

I'm gonna put myself out there as an example to this one. My family heritage is Puerto Rican. Culturally, they are a very prideful and family oriented group of people. They are traditional, and believe in traditional values. Often times, a woman such as myself is expected to find herself a nice Puerto Rican or Latin boy, but even then, some latin ethnicities are less preferred. We're also expected to do it by a certain age. The younger we are when we marry, the more time we have to develop a family, because again that's just the expectation, large families, young love, compatibility.

But in my generation, women have come far enough to where we want to start a career. We go through college right out of high school rather than getting married. We put off relationships so that we can find great jobs, great careers. I'm already at what we have now dubbed the "quarter life" and I've yet to get started on the career path that I want. With the economy the way it is in 2012, who can afford to have a full family unless we have a full time, great paying job? And those are hard to come by. So yes, relationships in my life have taken a backburner.

Back on topic. Here's where I'm also not culturally traditional. I have a preference, and it is not one of my own ethnicity. I have to say I prefer to date caucasion men. It's just what I'm attracted to, and there are times where the women in my family do question or ask about my choices. All I can say is, that's who and what I like, and that's what I go for. I'm happy with it, and as long as I find someone that makes me happy, then why should it matter what they look like?

The matriarchs in our families grew up in a time when racism was still an issue. If you have an older mother, or grandmother, schools were still segregated, stereotypes were prevalent and quite honestly, they still are in some cases. When you see an interracial couple walking down the road, do you say "aw they look happy together" or is your first thought "oh, why are they together?" If your first thought is HONESTLY the second, then I'm not saying you're racist, because that's not the case, I'm just saying that we're still stuck in a mindset where something like that can still come as a surprise. And that is the effect that our cultures still have on us.

We have to remember that love knows no boundaries. There's no such thing as color when it comes to love. To be able to have that connection with someone, regardless of what they look like is what makes the relationship so powerful. To be able to share with someone your dreams...your DREAMS...not your career goals, is something so amazing. Your photos with your loved one will have a sparkle in it that makes it beautiful because the way you feel about each other radiates off to the camera more than a "pretty couple" photo. But maybe one day, we'll be able to look at such a couple and say "Aw they look happy together, they're beautiful".

Friends with Benefits

This one is a hot topic people...and it continues to be to this day. Let's face it, we're stuck amongst a generation that really doesn't want to deal with relationships because they seem to be too much time and effort. But when did we honestly become so afraid of committment? What happened to us that we seem to think that simple no-strings attached encounters are better than being able to spend time with someone who enjoys the same things you do? So now, let's evaluate the supposedly simple, but often times complex situation of Friends with Benefits.

This discussion is by request, just so my audience knows. The party who requested this discussion states that in his opinion, the world would be a much better place if people were just honest with each other from the beginning. Both parties should make their intentions clear so that there are no surprises. He also thinks that a FWB situation could be fun because their is no pressure for a relationship.

Now, this person has a valid argument. The world would be a much better place if people were just honest with each other. There lies the complicated part of the situation. A study shows that men lie 6 times a day, twice as many times as women. But another study shows that 70% of women can lie more cleverly than men. So if you think that she's really ok with a FWB situation, you may want to keep this in mind. In honesty, she's probably hoping that at some point in the time you guys will spend together, she can convert the situation into a legitimate relationship. It's basic psych 101. But it's also a known fact that people will lie about their level of committment in any type of "relationship" whether it's a friendship, a FWB, or an actual relationship. Basically it's never easy to determine someone's level of committment, and this is not completely against men, because women are just as deceiving. In fact there are times where the woman will be less committed than the male and the male ends up falling for the woman along the way.

So how do we approach this situation. Say you meet someone, you're having an awesome conversation at the bar over drinks, and you're thinking, this could be exactly the right person for what I need. Just a simple, casual, beneficial situation. When do you approach the situation and tell them, "Hey, so I'm not really looking for a relationship, I just want something fun"? I'll give you a hint, you certainly do NOT do it that night, because trust be that will become a ONS quicker than you ever planned. Refer to that blog if you have no idea what I'm talking about. So here's what you do, you get their number, talk for a couple days, and make a date. But not a formal date, but like a day to hang out. Do something fun, simple and inexpensive. Ease your way into that conversation, ask the person what it is they're looking for. More often than not, they'll reveal almost immediately that it's been on their mind but they didn't know how to say it. And it's true, these situations can be fun, because now the pressure is off. You can see them whenever you're both available, and if one of you has a busy work week, the other isn't upset about it because neither one of you are committed to the other. And when you do get together, you don't have to worry about long conversations of how their day was. Quick responses and limited conversation while having a good time and being able to get away from the hectic world that we call life. Sure you can have your dates in between, in your search to meet "the one" but when you don't find it, or your date is unsuccessful, you know you have someone to turn to that can at least provide you with the satisfaction you did not get.

Here's my only issue. I'm still old fashioned. It's harder for us women to be in a FWB situation after a while because our bodies are ticking clocks. We're expected to have a career by a certain age, if we want to be a career woman. But if we do that, we're looking at an expectancy of settlement by the age of 30. From there we don't have as much time to build a family. Guys, you have no clock...your stuff keeps going even when you're like 50. So please excuse us if when we're 25 we want a legit relationship while you men still want to have your fun. Whatever you do, don't LIE about it though. Honesty will get you farther, even if it doesn't get you what you want. You'll at least have avoided earning the title of "that lying asshole".

Are We Too Good For Romance?

I can tell you that at the moment I am writing this, I am an emotional, sappy, lovey-dovey mess.  This is due to several reasons, first, is that I'm days away from the dreadful opening of the nether-region flood gates.  Second, I've been watching Coming Home on Lifetime for the past 35 minutes, and lastly, because I just finished reading an article on how the Boomer generation, or for most people my age, our grandparents, were the last to embrace romanticism.

The article continues to say that the generation of kids to follow, were the 60's and 70's sexual revolution kids, where exploration and freedom of expression of love was allowed, celebrated, and widely accepted.  Contraception was encouraged and mass-produced to allow sexual relationships with minimal consequence. 

What's worse, is what we are like today.  We've all read articles and blogs about how our generation has slipped into a whirlwind of sexual activity, sipping the juices of temptation and tasting the sweet bitterness of raw human passion.  Yet, we don't seem to appreciate what's in front of us.  Sex is no longer an empowering moment in the relationship in which two people discover every curve, every scar, every beauty mark on the bodies of their partner.  In fact we rely so much on videos to guide us in our sexual endeavors, we lose sight on the fact that every scar tells a story, and it's in the moments of cuddling after where these stories can be revealed, making not only the moment of passion amazing, but making the moments after just as memorable.