Sources: Alloy.com; YourTango.com; iVillage.com
This one took a little longer to write, and I'm sorry. The other day I asked advice from a guy friend on the different types of kisses a guy typically tends to go for. One question in particular was the "kiss on the forehead". I feel like typically, this isn't one that's talked about very much, and it also isn't used very often in my opinion. In exploring for answers, I have to say I didn't find much. My friend says that it's a good thing when a guy kisses a girl on the forehead. It's a sign of affection I guess. Some sites confirm it, but other sites also say that it's a sign that a guy is basically pulling back, signaling that he doesn't want the relationship to go further than where it is at that moment. So I guess the important thing to look at with that one, is the context or the situation in which the kiss is delivered.
It wouldn't have been enough to just talk about the one type of kiss...so I decided to decode some other more "popular" styles of kissing. Of the several websites searched, these are the most common and easiest to decode, but I'll also give you signs of how to know when they're ready for each one, and when girls should be ready :)
The peck, is often the type of kiss guys use early on in the relationship, or rather, the dating process. It's a sign that they want to kiss you, really kiss you. This one is also sometimes called the "closed mouth kiss". Sometimes it may last a little longer, and sometimes a guy will pull away, but stay near your lips, waiting for you to make the next move. If you notice that he's trying to tease you into a kiss, it won't be long til you're experiencing full on lip action.
French Kiss. This one became my favorite after reading these articles. To hear guys describe this one is funny. So to some, the french kiss is the king of all kisses. But it comes in different styles, and not only that, it's a sign of passionate things to come. If you're locked into a french kissing situation, there's some things to do and look out for. Standard french kissing is often the best kind because it uses a playful amount of tongue. If a guy really wants to take the moment to the next level, there'll be plenty of touching involved. Often times a guy will either place his hands on your hips or on the back of your neck and along your face. I often say that a touch is one of the things that drive us women wild.
When it comes to french kissing, you should be looking out for the tongue tango and the slobber. Both are signs that the relationship may lead in a completely less desired direction. If done properly, the tongue tango can be a sign of how playful he is, both in and out of the bedroom. But then there's what some call lizard or propeller tongue...it's where the tongue just flickers in one direction, one speed, and often times in a rhythm that turns you off. Now, do I really need to explain the slobber? That one's just gross.
Let's quickly go into some other styles. Two other popular well liked styles are the bend back and the playful neck bite. The bend back is basically when a guy slightly bends the girl back, usually by grabbing on to the back of her neck, before kissing her. Often times this is done passionately and is a sign that he's taking control and wants you to know that in that moment, you're his, but not in a possessive creepy way, but in a way that let's you know that even though he's super masculine, he adores you. Then there's the playful necking. While kissing we often don't just stay on the lips, we like to explore. So we explore by kissing the next spot closest to the lips, and that's our neck. Now this is usually when things start to get a little heavier, so be sure that all intentions are clear.
Kissing can be fun, but often times it can be hard to decode exactly what it is that's going to come out of it. A lot of guys nowadays look at kissing as a sign of intimacy, especially the ones that are afraid of it. Their biggest fear is giving off the impression of getting to close by participating in the wrong type of kissing style. What most people forget is that kissing is also used as foreplay, and fellas, understand this, some girls just need to be kissed!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Marriage is an Institution :)
I was just on facebook and saw that one of my friends posted about girls being able to take the last name of the guy that they are going to/will marry in the future. It received a lot of comments, and I have to say, I'm happy to see that most men are traditional in the sense that they still want women to take on their last name. That's sweet. Now if only you men can be traditional in other aspects of relationships...
So I decided to take this time to talk about marriage in whole. In the movie 27 Dresses, James Marsden's character says "I give the guy a lot of credit. Although he is willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery left in this world, for some reason, he always looks happy". I love that line, because even though it is ironically cyncial and somewhat untrue, he in a way makes a point. Some men, men like him, will look at marriage as an instituion, a place in where you are held against your will, forced to do things that when you are single, you wouldn't dare to do because guess what, often times your mother did it for you. But things just seem to change when you tie that knot, and before you know it, you hate your name, wishing that you could change it, as your wife calls you every half hour to ask you for another "favor".
But it wasn't always this way. The reason why we are in such constant conflict is because times have changed, and so has the the generation in which we live in. Look at it this way, back in the day, the roles of the household were clearly outlined. The woman was the housewife while the man worked to support the family. But we are now in a world where us girls are fighting for our careers, for our names, for a shot at success in the real world just like the men do. And with that comes competing values within the relationship. So when two people get married, and if kids get involved, who stays home? Who keeps their job? Do both the husband and wife still work?
We continue to be at a crossroads in life as relationships are only getting more difficult with each generation that passes. In fact, relationships seem to be diminishing, as divorce rates are high, and kids start "going out" at younger and younger of an age. It's up to us as parents to stop this amongst our children and re-instill the values that were once given and taught to us as kids. Maybe then marriage will go back to being something based on true love and compromise!
So I decided to take this time to talk about marriage in whole. In the movie 27 Dresses, James Marsden's character says "I give the guy a lot of credit. Although he is willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery left in this world, for some reason, he always looks happy". I love that line, because even though it is ironically cyncial and somewhat untrue, he in a way makes a point. Some men, men like him, will look at marriage as an instituion, a place in where you are held against your will, forced to do things that when you are single, you wouldn't dare to do because guess what, often times your mother did it for you. But things just seem to change when you tie that knot, and before you know it, you hate your name, wishing that you could change it, as your wife calls you every half hour to ask you for another "favor".
But it wasn't always this way. The reason why we are in such constant conflict is because times have changed, and so has the the generation in which we live in. Look at it this way, back in the day, the roles of the household were clearly outlined. The woman was the housewife while the man worked to support the family. But we are now in a world where us girls are fighting for our careers, for our names, for a shot at success in the real world just like the men do. And with that comes competing values within the relationship. So when two people get married, and if kids get involved, who stays home? Who keeps their job? Do both the husband and wife still work?
We continue to be at a crossroads in life as relationships are only getting more difficult with each generation that passes. In fact, relationships seem to be diminishing, as divorce rates are high, and kids start "going out" at younger and younger of an age. It's up to us as parents to stop this amongst our children and re-instill the values that were once given and taught to us as kids. Maybe then marriage will go back to being something based on true love and compromise!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Friends with Benefits
This one is a hot topic people...and it continues to be to this day. Let's face it, we're stuck amongst a generation that really doesn't want to deal with relationships because they seem to be too much time and effort. But when did we honestly become so afraid of committment? What happened to us that we seem to think that simple no-strings attached encounters are better than being able to spend time with someone who enjoys the same things you do? So now, let's evaluate the supposedly simple, but often times complex situation of Friends with Benefits.
This discussion is by request, just so my audience knows. The party who requested this discussion states that in his opinion, the world would be a much better place if people were just honest with each other from the beginning. Both parties should make their intentions clear so that there are no surprises. He also thinks that a FWB situation could be fun because their is no pressure for a relationship.
Now, this person has a valid argument. The world would be a much better place if people were just honest with each other. There lies the complicated part of the situation. A study shows that men lie 6 times a day, twice as many times as women. But another study shows that 70% of women can lie more cleverly than men. So if you think that she's really ok with a FWB situation, you may want to keep this in mind. In honesty, she's probably hoping that at some point in the time you guys will spend together, she can convert the situation into a legitimate relationship. It's basic psych 101. But it's also a known fact that people will lie about their level of committment in any type of "relationship" whether it's a friendship, a FWB, or an actual relationship. Basically it's never easy to determine someone's level of committment, and this is not completely against men, because women are just as deceiving. In fact there are times where the woman will be less committed than the male and the male ends up falling for the woman along the way.
So how do we approach this situation. Say you meet someone, you're having an awesome conversation at the bar over drinks, and you're thinking, this could be exactly the right person for what I need. Just a simple, casual, beneficial situation. When do you approach the situation and tell them, "Hey, so I'm not really looking for a relationship, I just want something fun"? I'll give you a hint, you certainly do NOT do it that night, because trust be that will become a ONS quicker than you ever planned. Refer to that blog if you have no idea what I'm talking about. So here's what you do, you get their number, talk for a couple days, and make a date. But not a formal date, but like a day to hang out. Do something fun, simple and inexpensive. Ease your way into that conversation, ask the person what it is they're looking for. More often than not, they'll reveal almost immediately that it's been on their mind but they didn't know how to say it. And it's true, these situations can be fun, because now the pressure is off. You can see them whenever you're both available, and if one of you has a busy work week, the other isn't upset about it because neither one of you are committed to the other. And when you do get together, you don't have to worry about long conversations of how their day was. Quick responses and limited conversation while having a good time and being able to get away from the hectic world that we call life. Sure you can have your dates in between, in your search to meet "the one" but when you don't find it, or your date is unsuccessful, you know you have someone to turn to that can at least provide you with the satisfaction you did not get.
Here's my only issue. I'm still old fashioned. It's harder for us women to be in a FWB situation after a while because our bodies are ticking clocks. We're expected to have a career by a certain age, if we want to be a career woman. But if we do that, we're looking at an expectancy of settlement by the age of 30. From there we don't have as much time to build a family. Guys, you have no clock...your stuff keeps going even when you're like 50. So please excuse us if when we're 25 we want a legit relationship while you men still want to have your fun. Whatever you do, don't LIE about it though. Honesty will get you farther, even if it doesn't get you what you want. You'll at least have avoided earning the title of "that lying asshole".
This discussion is by request, just so my audience knows. The party who requested this discussion states that in his opinion, the world would be a much better place if people were just honest with each other from the beginning. Both parties should make their intentions clear so that there are no surprises. He also thinks that a FWB situation could be fun because their is no pressure for a relationship.
Now, this person has a valid argument. The world would be a much better place if people were just honest with each other. There lies the complicated part of the situation. A study shows that men lie 6 times a day, twice as many times as women. But another study shows that 70% of women can lie more cleverly than men. So if you think that she's really ok with a FWB situation, you may want to keep this in mind. In honesty, she's probably hoping that at some point in the time you guys will spend together, she can convert the situation into a legitimate relationship. It's basic psych 101. But it's also a known fact that people will lie about their level of committment in any type of "relationship" whether it's a friendship, a FWB, or an actual relationship. Basically it's never easy to determine someone's level of committment, and this is not completely against men, because women are just as deceiving. In fact there are times where the woman will be less committed than the male and the male ends up falling for the woman along the way.
So how do we approach this situation. Say you meet someone, you're having an awesome conversation at the bar over drinks, and you're thinking, this could be exactly the right person for what I need. Just a simple, casual, beneficial situation. When do you approach the situation and tell them, "Hey, so I'm not really looking for a relationship, I just want something fun"? I'll give you a hint, you certainly do NOT do it that night, because trust be that will become a ONS quicker than you ever planned. Refer to that blog if you have no idea what I'm talking about. So here's what you do, you get their number, talk for a couple days, and make a date. But not a formal date, but like a day to hang out. Do something fun, simple and inexpensive. Ease your way into that conversation, ask the person what it is they're looking for. More often than not, they'll reveal almost immediately that it's been on their mind but they didn't know how to say it. And it's true, these situations can be fun, because now the pressure is off. You can see them whenever you're both available, and if one of you has a busy work week, the other isn't upset about it because neither one of you are committed to the other. And when you do get together, you don't have to worry about long conversations of how their day was. Quick responses and limited conversation while having a good time and being able to get away from the hectic world that we call life. Sure you can have your dates in between, in your search to meet "the one" but when you don't find it, or your date is unsuccessful, you know you have someone to turn to that can at least provide you with the satisfaction you did not get.
Here's my only issue. I'm still old fashioned. It's harder for us women to be in a FWB situation after a while because our bodies are ticking clocks. We're expected to have a career by a certain age, if we want to be a career woman. But if we do that, we're looking at an expectancy of settlement by the age of 30. From there we don't have as much time to build a family. Guys, you have no clock...your stuff keeps going even when you're like 50. So please excuse us if when we're 25 we want a legit relationship while you men still want to have your fun. Whatever you do, don't LIE about it though. Honesty will get you farther, even if it doesn't get you what you want. You'll at least have avoided earning the title of "that lying asshole".
PICK UP LINES!!!!
Owwwww!!!! This one is thanks to my wonderful cousin! And to all the losers out there who actually try this.
Ok so I've seen this everywhere. From dating sites, to status updates, to even experiencing it in a bar that I'm at. They're pick-up lines, attention grabbers, corny little sentences that we say to start a conversation of the person that we're attracted to.
Do these really work though? In some cases, oddly enough they do, because some of you guys actually put effort into coming up with something creative. And for that, you guys definitely earn your brownie points. And if you can keep the conversation going after you get the initial eye roll, then you just might be worth the time over a drink or two.
In this one, I'm going to go over some of my favorites and some of my least favorites, and then I'll tell you why they don't work, will never work, and you shouldn't even TRY them. Let's start with my least favorites, because honestly, that's more important. These little liners will get you almost an immediate dismissal. And then I'll tell you how you guys continue to mess up rather than redeeming yourself. Boy, I feel like this is something out of an episode of Guy Code, but here it goes.
First one, is "What's up ma" or "What's good". It's as dumb as saying "How You Doin'" the Joey Tribbiani line. Here's why it almost always fails...it's not freakin cute. No woman wants to be called ma, and we don't want to be greeted with what's good. Make us feel like you're actually making an effort. You want our attention you have to earn it. Oh and while most people will say flattery will get you far, it's a yes and no. Flattery will get you further in your pursuits, but do NOT sit there and say "Hey princess" or queen...we know we're not royalty, and we damn well know that you are not basing that on our personality.
Second one...the phone number request. Ok, some of you try to pull this one off at the start. You think that you're being bold or brave by not only seeking our attention but asking us for our numbers. Guess what...that works even less. Just so you know "Can I get your number or what" is not attractive...that's not how you ask for it. In fact, it makes us want to reject you instantly.
Other lame lines: "Can I get a second", "Can I holla at you for a min" "Heaven must be missing an angel..." all that, doesn't work at all.
Let's put it this way. Simple flattery works best. There's nothing better than a guy who comes up to us and says "Hey I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar...Hi, my name is.." That's sweet. It means that out of all the people, you not only saw me but you took the time to approach us. And don't be so quick to buy us a drink, especially if our cup is still half full. Pay attention to the smaller details, and fellas I know it's hard to do but sometimes, you just have to in order to get our attention. Surprise us, let us know you are really taking the time to know what's going on in your surroundings.
Lastly, if you're going to compliment us, petnames, nicknames, corny comparisons just won't do it. Some girls are told how hot they are more times than they can count. And as much as they want to hear "you're beautiful" that doesn't cut it anymore either. We know that that is the only word you can think of that will romanticize "hot". Be smart. Pick out a feature of ours you like best and compliment that. Saying "you have a great smile" is better than "you're beautiful".
Learn from this one!!!!!! Whether you are looking for a relationship or not, this blog is super informative. One of these pointers is BOUND to help you!
Ok so I've seen this everywhere. From dating sites, to status updates, to even experiencing it in a bar that I'm at. They're pick-up lines, attention grabbers, corny little sentences that we say to start a conversation of the person that we're attracted to.
Do these really work though? In some cases, oddly enough they do, because some of you guys actually put effort into coming up with something creative. And for that, you guys definitely earn your brownie points. And if you can keep the conversation going after you get the initial eye roll, then you just might be worth the time over a drink or two.
In this one, I'm going to go over some of my favorites and some of my least favorites, and then I'll tell you why they don't work, will never work, and you shouldn't even TRY them. Let's start with my least favorites, because honestly, that's more important. These little liners will get you almost an immediate dismissal. And then I'll tell you how you guys continue to mess up rather than redeeming yourself. Boy, I feel like this is something out of an episode of Guy Code, but here it goes.
First one, is "What's up ma" or "What's good". It's as dumb as saying "How You Doin'" the Joey Tribbiani line. Here's why it almost always fails...it's not freakin cute. No woman wants to be called ma, and we don't want to be greeted with what's good. Make us feel like you're actually making an effort. You want our attention you have to earn it. Oh and while most people will say flattery will get you far, it's a yes and no. Flattery will get you further in your pursuits, but do NOT sit there and say "Hey princess" or queen...we know we're not royalty, and we damn well know that you are not basing that on our personality.
Second one...the phone number request. Ok, some of you try to pull this one off at the start. You think that you're being bold or brave by not only seeking our attention but asking us for our numbers. Guess what...that works even less. Just so you know "Can I get your number or what" is not attractive...that's not how you ask for it. In fact, it makes us want to reject you instantly.
Other lame lines: "Can I get a second", "Can I holla at you for a min" "Heaven must be missing an angel..." all that, doesn't work at all.
Let's put it this way. Simple flattery works best. There's nothing better than a guy who comes up to us and says "Hey I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar...Hi, my name is.." That's sweet. It means that out of all the people, you not only saw me but you took the time to approach us. And don't be so quick to buy us a drink, especially if our cup is still half full. Pay attention to the smaller details, and fellas I know it's hard to do but sometimes, you just have to in order to get our attention. Surprise us, let us know you are really taking the time to know what's going on in your surroundings.
Lastly, if you're going to compliment us, petnames, nicknames, corny comparisons just won't do it. Some girls are told how hot they are more times than they can count. And as much as they want to hear "you're beautiful" that doesn't cut it anymore either. We know that that is the only word you can think of that will romanticize "hot". Be smart. Pick out a feature of ours you like best and compliment that. Saying "you have a great smile" is better than "you're beautiful".
Learn from this one!!!!!! Whether you are looking for a relationship or not, this blog is super informative. One of these pointers is BOUND to help you!
Friday, April 20, 2012
To Be Lost in a Dark Place
We all have those moments in our life when we don't feel like ourselves. For me, it happened because of a mistake that sometimes you try so hard to avoid and it ends up happening anyway. In a vulnerable state of mind, I let someone really take advantage of me. But when you are not mentally whole and sound, it becomes easy for situation like that to happen.
The spiral only continued from there, not in the sense that I did bad things, but in the sense that emotionally, there was a lot I could not handle. My anxiety came back two fold and I found myself panicking over things that I would once take with a grain of salt and overcome.
A once strong individual, I began to completely break down. It was like a demolition man came at me with a wrecking ball. I hit bottom. And what's worse is that feeling knowing that we're there and having nobody to help us out, because you don't know who to trust. So we feel like "who do we turn to?" And we wish for someone to throw us that ladder. But when that ladder doesn't come around, we have to find another way to get out of the hole we are in.
But not everybody has the strength to do so. Some of us will sit and wait for someone to eventually come along and help us out, while others of us will climb, one step at a time. And though we may slip along the way, we continue to harness the strength that will eventually pull us through. When we finally see the light and pull ourselves out, breathe in that sweet air and take a look around. Embrace your new opportunity to go out and embark on a new journey. But if you feel that you need to close that hole so someone else won't fall, then by all means, do so. Just remember though, you climbed out of it.
The spiral only continued from there, not in the sense that I did bad things, but in the sense that emotionally, there was a lot I could not handle. My anxiety came back two fold and I found myself panicking over things that I would once take with a grain of salt and overcome.
A once strong individual, I began to completely break down. It was like a demolition man came at me with a wrecking ball. I hit bottom. And what's worse is that feeling knowing that we're there and having nobody to help us out, because you don't know who to trust. So we feel like "who do we turn to?" And we wish for someone to throw us that ladder. But when that ladder doesn't come around, we have to find another way to get out of the hole we are in.
But not everybody has the strength to do so. Some of us will sit and wait for someone to eventually come along and help us out, while others of us will climb, one step at a time. And though we may slip along the way, we continue to harness the strength that will eventually pull us through. When we finally see the light and pull ourselves out, breathe in that sweet air and take a look around. Embrace your new opportunity to go out and embark on a new journey. But if you feel that you need to close that hole so someone else won't fall, then by all means, do so. Just remember though, you climbed out of it.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
The DC ONS
So the title of this blog to some may just be about a whole bunch of letters. What is the DC ONS? I'm talking about the Dane Cook One Night Stand. I've got to talk about this because let me tell you, that while he jokes about it, the situation really can suck.
So here's the deal. I get it fellas, I really do. One of the many good things life offers us is the freedom of intimate expression, aka sex lol. And a new experience can be so exciting. You get to be in front of a brand new body. A steanger, someone you have never explored. It can also be so nervewracking until that moment when your bodies are now together and man, it feels so good right?!?! Now you're all thrilled, you've got a rhythm going and it gets to that moment right before the release and you have NO idea her feelings on where it should all go. And like Dane Cook says some of you just don't care because you are just into it. So you do the stupid thing and release it all in there.
Fellas, we thank you in advance for this situation. You feel great right? Well now think about that second part of his skit. You have no idea of the choices she made following your little act of enjoyment. All you now know is that you start to think one month later, shit, um...this could be bad. And then the phone rings and the last thing you want to hear is "We need to talk".
Yes, ok DC's situation was funny. But see not all ONS's are glorified and fun. Some just end really badly but hey we've got to take them as they come. Some of us go to a bar looking for it because we think that it's what we need. Lucky you if you can do it and not feel some type of way after. Others of us don't plan that ONS. We get unlucky in our quests for something more and end up with a learning experience of what not to look for in a person we want to be with. The point is that the bigger person will learn from it, grow from it, take responsibility for THEIR part in the matter, and keep moving forward.
Let's face it, ONS's are a bigger part of our journeys than we'd like them to be. Everyone will go through it at least once in their lifetime. But for every bad experience, or REAL bad experience, or for every uh oh, OMG, and I can't Believe I Did That...there's a silver lining: Someone in this pair, lost out on a potentially great thing. So while one of the parties keeps on seeking those One Night Stands to keep them temporarily satisfied, the other will grow up, look at it as another story, another blog, or another chapter in a book and say FUCK you...I'm so good.
"You know...I could have pulled out...'What Daddy?' You could have ended up on a t-shirt or pillow case.. 'Dad what are you trying to say?' I'm saying, your mother could have swallowed you" --Jo Koy lol
So here's the deal. I get it fellas, I really do. One of the many good things life offers us is the freedom of intimate expression, aka sex lol. And a new experience can be so exciting. You get to be in front of a brand new body. A steanger, someone you have never explored. It can also be so nervewracking until that moment when your bodies are now together and man, it feels so good right?!?! Now you're all thrilled, you've got a rhythm going and it gets to that moment right before the release and you have NO idea her feelings on where it should all go. And like Dane Cook says some of you just don't care because you are just into it. So you do the stupid thing and release it all in there.
Fellas, we thank you in advance for this situation. You feel great right? Well now think about that second part of his skit. You have no idea of the choices she made following your little act of enjoyment. All you now know is that you start to think one month later, shit, um...this could be bad. And then the phone rings and the last thing you want to hear is "We need to talk".
Yes, ok DC's situation was funny. But see not all ONS's are glorified and fun. Some just end really badly but hey we've got to take them as they come. Some of us go to a bar looking for it because we think that it's what we need. Lucky you if you can do it and not feel some type of way after. Others of us don't plan that ONS. We get unlucky in our quests for something more and end up with a learning experience of what not to look for in a person we want to be with. The point is that the bigger person will learn from it, grow from it, take responsibility for THEIR part in the matter, and keep moving forward.
Let's face it, ONS's are a bigger part of our journeys than we'd like them to be. Everyone will go through it at least once in their lifetime. But for every bad experience, or REAL bad experience, or for every uh oh, OMG, and I can't Believe I Did That...there's a silver lining: Someone in this pair, lost out on a potentially great thing. So while one of the parties keeps on seeking those One Night Stands to keep them temporarily satisfied, the other will grow up, look at it as another story, another blog, or another chapter in a book and say FUCK you...I'm so good.
"You know...I could have pulled out...'What Daddy?' You could have ended up on a t-shirt or pillow case.. 'Dad what are you trying to say?' I'm saying, your mother could have swallowed you" --Jo Koy lol
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