This one is a hot topic people...and it continues to be to this day. Let's face it, we're stuck amongst a generation that really doesn't want to deal with relationships because they seem to be too much time and effort. But when did we honestly become so afraid of committment? What happened to us that we seem to think that simple no-strings attached encounters are better than being able to spend time with someone who enjoys the same things you do? So now, let's evaluate the supposedly simple, but often times complex situation of Friends with Benefits.
This discussion is by request, just so my audience knows. The party who requested this discussion states that in his opinion, the world would be a much better place if people were just honest with each other from the beginning. Both parties should make their intentions clear so that there are no surprises. He also thinks that a FWB situation could be fun because their is no pressure for a relationship.
Now, this person has a valid argument. The world would be a much better place if people were just honest with each other. There lies the complicated part of the situation. A study shows that men lie 6 times a day, twice as many times as women. But another study shows that 70% of women can lie more cleverly than men. So if you think that she's really ok with a FWB situation, you may want to keep this in mind. In honesty, she's probably hoping that at some point in the time you guys will spend together, she can convert the situation into a legitimate relationship. It's basic psych 101. But it's also a known fact that people will lie about their level of committment in any type of "relationship" whether it's a friendship, a FWB, or an actual relationship. Basically it's never easy to determine someone's level of committment, and this is not completely against men, because women are just as deceiving. In fact there are times where the woman will be less committed than the male and the male ends up falling for the woman along the way.
So how do we approach this situation. Say you meet someone, you're having an awesome conversation at the bar over drinks, and you're thinking, this could be exactly the right person for what I need. Just a simple, casual, beneficial situation. When do you approach the situation and tell them, "Hey, so I'm not really looking for a relationship, I just want something fun"? I'll give you a hint, you certainly do NOT do it that night, because trust be that will become a ONS quicker than you ever planned. Refer to that blog if you have no idea what I'm talking about. So here's what you do, you get their number, talk for a couple days, and make a date. But not a formal date, but like a day to hang out. Do something fun, simple and inexpensive. Ease your way into that conversation, ask the person what it is they're looking for. More often than not, they'll reveal almost immediately that it's been on their mind but they didn't know how to say it. And it's true, these situations can be fun, because now the pressure is off. You can see them whenever you're both available, and if one of you has a busy work week, the other isn't upset about it because neither one of you are committed to the other. And when you do get together, you don't have to worry about long conversations of how their day was. Quick responses and limited conversation while having a good time and being able to get away from the hectic world that we call life. Sure you can have your dates in between, in your search to meet "the one" but when you don't find it, or your date is unsuccessful, you know you have someone to turn to that can at least provide you with the satisfaction you did not get.
Here's my only issue. I'm still old fashioned. It's harder for us women to be in a FWB situation after a while because our bodies are ticking clocks. We're expected to have a career by a certain age, if we want to be a career woman. But if we do that, we're looking at an expectancy of settlement by the age of 30. From there we don't have as much time to build a family. Guys, you have no clock...your stuff keeps going even when you're like 50. So please excuse us if when we're 25 we want a legit relationship while you men still want to have your fun. Whatever you do, don't LIE about it though. Honesty will get you farther, even if it doesn't get you what you want. You'll at least have avoided earning the title of "that lying asshole".
Saturday, April 21, 2012
PICK UP LINES!!!!
Owwwww!!!! This one is thanks to my wonderful cousin! And to all the losers out there who actually try this.
Ok so I've seen this everywhere. From dating sites, to status updates, to even experiencing it in a bar that I'm at. They're pick-up lines, attention grabbers, corny little sentences that we say to start a conversation of the person that we're attracted to.
Do these really work though? In some cases, oddly enough they do, because some of you guys actually put effort into coming up with something creative. And for that, you guys definitely earn your brownie points. And if you can keep the conversation going after you get the initial eye roll, then you just might be worth the time over a drink or two.
In this one, I'm going to go over some of my favorites and some of my least favorites, and then I'll tell you why they don't work, will never work, and you shouldn't even TRY them. Let's start with my least favorites, because honestly, that's more important. These little liners will get you almost an immediate dismissal. And then I'll tell you how you guys continue to mess up rather than redeeming yourself. Boy, I feel like this is something out of an episode of Guy Code, but here it goes.
First one, is "What's up ma" or "What's good". It's as dumb as saying "How You Doin'" the Joey Tribbiani line. Here's why it almost always fails...it's not freakin cute. No woman wants to be called ma, and we don't want to be greeted with what's good. Make us feel like you're actually making an effort. You want our attention you have to earn it. Oh and while most people will say flattery will get you far, it's a yes and no. Flattery will get you further in your pursuits, but do NOT sit there and say "Hey princess" or queen...we know we're not royalty, and we damn well know that you are not basing that on our personality.
Second one...the phone number request. Ok, some of you try to pull this one off at the start. You think that you're being bold or brave by not only seeking our attention but asking us for our numbers. Guess what...that works even less. Just so you know "Can I get your number or what" is not attractive...that's not how you ask for it. In fact, it makes us want to reject you instantly.
Other lame lines: "Can I get a second", "Can I holla at you for a min" "Heaven must be missing an angel..." all that, doesn't work at all.
Let's put it this way. Simple flattery works best. There's nothing better than a guy who comes up to us and says "Hey I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar...Hi, my name is.." That's sweet. It means that out of all the people, you not only saw me but you took the time to approach us. And don't be so quick to buy us a drink, especially if our cup is still half full. Pay attention to the smaller details, and fellas I know it's hard to do but sometimes, you just have to in order to get our attention. Surprise us, let us know you are really taking the time to know what's going on in your surroundings.
Lastly, if you're going to compliment us, petnames, nicknames, corny comparisons just won't do it. Some girls are told how hot they are more times than they can count. And as much as they want to hear "you're beautiful" that doesn't cut it anymore either. We know that that is the only word you can think of that will romanticize "hot". Be smart. Pick out a feature of ours you like best and compliment that. Saying "you have a great smile" is better than "you're beautiful".
Learn from this one!!!!!! Whether you are looking for a relationship or not, this blog is super informative. One of these pointers is BOUND to help you!
Ok so I've seen this everywhere. From dating sites, to status updates, to even experiencing it in a bar that I'm at. They're pick-up lines, attention grabbers, corny little sentences that we say to start a conversation of the person that we're attracted to.
Do these really work though? In some cases, oddly enough they do, because some of you guys actually put effort into coming up with something creative. And for that, you guys definitely earn your brownie points. And if you can keep the conversation going after you get the initial eye roll, then you just might be worth the time over a drink or two.
In this one, I'm going to go over some of my favorites and some of my least favorites, and then I'll tell you why they don't work, will never work, and you shouldn't even TRY them. Let's start with my least favorites, because honestly, that's more important. These little liners will get you almost an immediate dismissal. And then I'll tell you how you guys continue to mess up rather than redeeming yourself. Boy, I feel like this is something out of an episode of Guy Code, but here it goes.
First one, is "What's up ma" or "What's good". It's as dumb as saying "How You Doin'" the Joey Tribbiani line. Here's why it almost always fails...it's not freakin cute. No woman wants to be called ma, and we don't want to be greeted with what's good. Make us feel like you're actually making an effort. You want our attention you have to earn it. Oh and while most people will say flattery will get you far, it's a yes and no. Flattery will get you further in your pursuits, but do NOT sit there and say "Hey princess" or queen...we know we're not royalty, and we damn well know that you are not basing that on our personality.
Second one...the phone number request. Ok, some of you try to pull this one off at the start. You think that you're being bold or brave by not only seeking our attention but asking us for our numbers. Guess what...that works even less. Just so you know "Can I get your number or what" is not attractive...that's not how you ask for it. In fact, it makes us want to reject you instantly.
Other lame lines: "Can I get a second", "Can I holla at you for a min" "Heaven must be missing an angel..." all that, doesn't work at all.
Let's put it this way. Simple flattery works best. There's nothing better than a guy who comes up to us and says "Hey I couldn't help but notice you from the other side of the bar...Hi, my name is.." That's sweet. It means that out of all the people, you not only saw me but you took the time to approach us. And don't be so quick to buy us a drink, especially if our cup is still half full. Pay attention to the smaller details, and fellas I know it's hard to do but sometimes, you just have to in order to get our attention. Surprise us, let us know you are really taking the time to know what's going on in your surroundings.
Lastly, if you're going to compliment us, petnames, nicknames, corny comparisons just won't do it. Some girls are told how hot they are more times than they can count. And as much as they want to hear "you're beautiful" that doesn't cut it anymore either. We know that that is the only word you can think of that will romanticize "hot". Be smart. Pick out a feature of ours you like best and compliment that. Saying "you have a great smile" is better than "you're beautiful".
Learn from this one!!!!!! Whether you are looking for a relationship or not, this blog is super informative. One of these pointers is BOUND to help you!
Friday, April 20, 2012
To Be Lost in a Dark Place
We all have those moments in our life when we don't feel like ourselves. For me, it happened because of a mistake that sometimes you try so hard to avoid and it ends up happening anyway. In a vulnerable state of mind, I let someone really take advantage of me. But when you are not mentally whole and sound, it becomes easy for situation like that to happen.
The spiral only continued from there, not in the sense that I did bad things, but in the sense that emotionally, there was a lot I could not handle. My anxiety came back two fold and I found myself panicking over things that I would once take with a grain of salt and overcome.
A once strong individual, I began to completely break down. It was like a demolition man came at me with a wrecking ball. I hit bottom. And what's worse is that feeling knowing that we're there and having nobody to help us out, because you don't know who to trust. So we feel like "who do we turn to?" And we wish for someone to throw us that ladder. But when that ladder doesn't come around, we have to find another way to get out of the hole we are in.
But not everybody has the strength to do so. Some of us will sit and wait for someone to eventually come along and help us out, while others of us will climb, one step at a time. And though we may slip along the way, we continue to harness the strength that will eventually pull us through. When we finally see the light and pull ourselves out, breathe in that sweet air and take a look around. Embrace your new opportunity to go out and embark on a new journey. But if you feel that you need to close that hole so someone else won't fall, then by all means, do so. Just remember though, you climbed out of it.
The spiral only continued from there, not in the sense that I did bad things, but in the sense that emotionally, there was a lot I could not handle. My anxiety came back two fold and I found myself panicking over things that I would once take with a grain of salt and overcome.
A once strong individual, I began to completely break down. It was like a demolition man came at me with a wrecking ball. I hit bottom. And what's worse is that feeling knowing that we're there and having nobody to help us out, because you don't know who to trust. So we feel like "who do we turn to?" And we wish for someone to throw us that ladder. But when that ladder doesn't come around, we have to find another way to get out of the hole we are in.
But not everybody has the strength to do so. Some of us will sit and wait for someone to eventually come along and help us out, while others of us will climb, one step at a time. And though we may slip along the way, we continue to harness the strength that will eventually pull us through. When we finally see the light and pull ourselves out, breathe in that sweet air and take a look around. Embrace your new opportunity to go out and embark on a new journey. But if you feel that you need to close that hole so someone else won't fall, then by all means, do so. Just remember though, you climbed out of it.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
The DC ONS
So the title of this blog to some may just be about a whole bunch of letters. What is the DC ONS? I'm talking about the Dane Cook One Night Stand. I've got to talk about this because let me tell you, that while he jokes about it, the situation really can suck.
So here's the deal. I get it fellas, I really do. One of the many good things life offers us is the freedom of intimate expression, aka sex lol. And a new experience can be so exciting. You get to be in front of a brand new body. A steanger, someone you have never explored. It can also be so nervewracking until that moment when your bodies are now together and man, it feels so good right?!?! Now you're all thrilled, you've got a rhythm going and it gets to that moment right before the release and you have NO idea her feelings on where it should all go. And like Dane Cook says some of you just don't care because you are just into it. So you do the stupid thing and release it all in there.
Fellas, we thank you in advance for this situation. You feel great right? Well now think about that second part of his skit. You have no idea of the choices she made following your little act of enjoyment. All you now know is that you start to think one month later, shit, um...this could be bad. And then the phone rings and the last thing you want to hear is "We need to talk".
Yes, ok DC's situation was funny. But see not all ONS's are glorified and fun. Some just end really badly but hey we've got to take them as they come. Some of us go to a bar looking for it because we think that it's what we need. Lucky you if you can do it and not feel some type of way after. Others of us don't plan that ONS. We get unlucky in our quests for something more and end up with a learning experience of what not to look for in a person we want to be with. The point is that the bigger person will learn from it, grow from it, take responsibility for THEIR part in the matter, and keep moving forward.
Let's face it, ONS's are a bigger part of our journeys than we'd like them to be. Everyone will go through it at least once in their lifetime. But for every bad experience, or REAL bad experience, or for every uh oh, OMG, and I can't Believe I Did That...there's a silver lining: Someone in this pair, lost out on a potentially great thing. So while one of the parties keeps on seeking those One Night Stands to keep them temporarily satisfied, the other will grow up, look at it as another story, another blog, or another chapter in a book and say FUCK you...I'm so good.
"You know...I could have pulled out...'What Daddy?' You could have ended up on a t-shirt or pillow case.. 'Dad what are you trying to say?' I'm saying, your mother could have swallowed you" --Jo Koy lol
So here's the deal. I get it fellas, I really do. One of the many good things life offers us is the freedom of intimate expression, aka sex lol. And a new experience can be so exciting. You get to be in front of a brand new body. A steanger, someone you have never explored. It can also be so nervewracking until that moment when your bodies are now together and man, it feels so good right?!?! Now you're all thrilled, you've got a rhythm going and it gets to that moment right before the release and you have NO idea her feelings on where it should all go. And like Dane Cook says some of you just don't care because you are just into it. So you do the stupid thing and release it all in there.
Fellas, we thank you in advance for this situation. You feel great right? Well now think about that second part of his skit. You have no idea of the choices she made following your little act of enjoyment. All you now know is that you start to think one month later, shit, um...this could be bad. And then the phone rings and the last thing you want to hear is "We need to talk".
Yes, ok DC's situation was funny. But see not all ONS's are glorified and fun. Some just end really badly but hey we've got to take them as they come. Some of us go to a bar looking for it because we think that it's what we need. Lucky you if you can do it and not feel some type of way after. Others of us don't plan that ONS. We get unlucky in our quests for something more and end up with a learning experience of what not to look for in a person we want to be with. The point is that the bigger person will learn from it, grow from it, take responsibility for THEIR part in the matter, and keep moving forward.
Let's face it, ONS's are a bigger part of our journeys than we'd like them to be. Everyone will go through it at least once in their lifetime. But for every bad experience, or REAL bad experience, or for every uh oh, OMG, and I can't Believe I Did That...there's a silver lining: Someone in this pair, lost out on a potentially great thing. So while one of the parties keeps on seeking those One Night Stands to keep them temporarily satisfied, the other will grow up, look at it as another story, another blog, or another chapter in a book and say FUCK you...I'm so good.
"You know...I could have pulled out...'What Daddy?' You could have ended up on a t-shirt or pillow case.. 'Dad what are you trying to say?' I'm saying, your mother could have swallowed you" --Jo Koy lol
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
random
1. I just saw the one day commercial with Joe Jonas and ew.2. Guys are so complicated...the guys that say they're your friends are only your friends when they need you for something, a tutor, a sex buddy, an ear to listen when they're having problems with their cheating or canniving girlfriends. And when they realize that you can offer them so much more, they run from you, scared of what could possibly be something great.
Sadly, we end up doing the same thing in return. We become so involved in what we want, and what we feel we deserve, that we fail to realize that there are people out there who do appreciate us. But we don't want them, we're set in stone in desiring the unattainable, the whole thing comes full circle, and we're trapped in a whirlwind of emotion.
This is why I stay stuck in a world of fantasy. I dream up what I want, I create my own lovestory, in which I get the man of my dreams, and we have a love so untouchable, in which everything we do is in perfect harmony with each other. But then, when I sleep, my "visions" take on a mind of their own. They become molded into what feels like reality, and I see things I don't see in my waking life. I see glimpses of what could be my future, what my life could be like, or what it would be like if I were someone else, did something else, or lived somewhere else.
I guess I can say my life is a little on the side of unusual...but it takes me to unexpected places, and that, I love.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Some Girls Like it Too
Awesome title, but yet I'm talking about porn. Yes, I'm serious, some girls like it too. Think about it, if we didn't, you wouldn't have it, because there would be no ladies in the industry. However, since there are plenty of women in the industry of porn, I think it's safe to say, we like it too.
It doesn't stop there. We like to watch just like the next guy that walks into the room. But just like the situation with masturbation, we prefer to have the real thing. It's kind of like the thing we go to for the little bit of moisture it would take to get a toy in there. And if at any point this gets too graphic for some of you please feel free to stop reading. If you're getting a little excited, do yourself a favor, go to your favorite site, pick your favorite clip and enjoy.
So why is porn so appealing? Well, like any other thing in life, we turn to videos and movies for educational purposes. Porn falls in that same boat. I mean really, when we want to learn something new sexually, we can do one of two things, try it out the next time you have an encounter, or watch a porno. Either way, we sit there to educate ourelves on a "new trick". And guys, don't you dare sit there and act like you never asked your girl to be like that chick you saw in that video, or to dress like her.
And ladies, when a guy asks you to be that girl, ask him to be that guy. Tell him the things you want him to do, give him the positions you want to try, because it shouldn't be up to only him to "spice up your life", it's about compromise. Oh and there's absolutely nothing wrong with a guy watching girl on girl action, they get excited about more than one set of titties, but guys, don't be so upset if a chick likes to watch guy on guy action...some girls like to see different sized weenies.
Is it weird that I'm writing about this topic? Not at all. It is super easy to write about any topic nowadays with the amount of information that the web can give us. And if you're a smart cookie, you can use that info to come up with your own opinions, inferences, and write a pretty decent entry about it. But hey, again, why not sit back, relax, and just watch it any way you can get it :)
It doesn't stop there. We like to watch just like the next guy that walks into the room. But just like the situation with masturbation, we prefer to have the real thing. It's kind of like the thing we go to for the little bit of moisture it would take to get a toy in there. And if at any point this gets too graphic for some of you please feel free to stop reading. If you're getting a little excited, do yourself a favor, go to your favorite site, pick your favorite clip and enjoy.
So why is porn so appealing? Well, like any other thing in life, we turn to videos and movies for educational purposes. Porn falls in that same boat. I mean really, when we want to learn something new sexually, we can do one of two things, try it out the next time you have an encounter, or watch a porno. Either way, we sit there to educate ourelves on a "new trick". And guys, don't you dare sit there and act like you never asked your girl to be like that chick you saw in that video, or to dress like her.
And ladies, when a guy asks you to be that girl, ask him to be that guy. Tell him the things you want him to do, give him the positions you want to try, because it shouldn't be up to only him to "spice up your life", it's about compromise. Oh and there's absolutely nothing wrong with a guy watching girl on girl action, they get excited about more than one set of titties, but guys, don't be so upset if a chick likes to watch guy on guy action...some girls like to see different sized weenies.
Is it weird that I'm writing about this topic? Not at all. It is super easy to write about any topic nowadays with the amount of information that the web can give us. And if you're a smart cookie, you can use that info to come up with your own opinions, inferences, and write a pretty decent entry about it. But hey, again, why not sit back, relax, and just watch it any way you can get it :)
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Untitled Blog of Love
I'm that girl who's loved a great deal by her friends, who has to be told constantly that she is indeed a great girl, otherwise, she'll never believe it. Nor does she believe that she's beautiful, or that she's amazing, and all those great things that only her friends and family can seem to atest to. Despite my best efforts, and despite not making one and trying to let love find me rather than me trying to find love, I have spent and experienced years of finding nothing worthwile, and finding everything that I didn't need.
I want to feel a love like no other, one that caters to the hopeless romantic in me, one that generates a connection on a chemical level to where our brain waves and our souls vibe together in ways never imagined. The thing about me, is that I will admit I can love easily, and sometimes I do. But I know that the love, the trust, and the effort I put into these men, only result in friendships, which I am more than satisfied with, because I know these are people I can seek comfort in, and some sort of reassurance, or at least honest feedback.
ONE DAY...(haha I had to, being that it's part of the title of my page), I will find perfection, because perfection is what I seek. And I don't mean perfection in personality, or physical appearance, but I mean perfection in our compatibility. Our personalities will complement each other, and we'd fit like two pieces of a puzzle. It's a dream, yes, it's a wish that I've made upon hundreds of stars, and countless times on 11:11. As many times as I'd like to have given up, I can never seem to lose hope, because there's just a part of me that won't let it die. That hopeless romantic in me that screams to be in front of the tv, and as the rain falls outside my window a tear rolls down my cheek as I think of all my favorite TV couples, wanting and yearning for that which I have yet to experience. With that said, I can only hope to find those things, so that I may feel some type of fulfillment rather than a massive void.
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