Because We Women Think We Can

Source: http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/why-bad-boys-164100436.html

After reading this article on Yahoo! Shine, I had to write about this topic. It's one of our biggest mistakes as women, and hey before you ladies hate me for giving up one of our biggest "secrets", let me just clarify, it's no secret.

There's two things that we do, and most of the times, we're aware of it, we just can't control our actions or explain why it is we try to do it. The first thing we do is we like bad boys. And while it seems like something so menial and so ridiculous, it sort of leads into the next thing, but we'll get to that in a moment. According to the article, studies show that women tend to drift towards the image of being with a bad boy or a sexy mate during days of high fertility and ovulation. When we are in our phases of lower fertility, or regular days, we look for more sensible and reliable men to pursue as mates instead. Apparently the psychology behind it is that the sexier male is a more suitable choice for fatherhood, and we seem to think that it's a good idea to pursue a relationship with said guy.

This leads me to my next point, it doesn't matter what time of the day, month, or year it is, most women believe that we are capable of changing a man. This to me, is by far, the funniest concept to date. Can this one be blamed on hormones? I can't be too sure, chances are there's a study about it somewhere being done. Let's take the bad boy for instance. Sure, our hormornal increase during the week of high ovulation allows us to believe that the bad boy is a suitable mate. However, when we come to realize that we are now in a relationship with a man who does not want to be tamed, we make it our mission to try and tame him into the man we thought or think he could be.

Change is a natural occurrence. Most people throughout their lives adjust to the environment in which they live in. In extreme situations, people are often forced to change immediately to accommodate for the new situation into which they have been thrust into. This often leads to a change of habit, lifestyle, or even sometimes a personality makeover. Some people choose not to change at all, because they feel that it's not necessary.

Most women are aware that change is possible. We abuse this knowledge and think that we can apply it and use it to our advantage. Therefore we take an unsuitable mate, and we try and turn him into our image of what our ideal guy is, or at least the guy we'd be willing to settle down with. You may get lucky, and it may even work at first, or if you end up with a man who is used to adaptation and is used to accommodating to other people's needs rather than his own. Most men though, do not fit that description. Why? Because men like simple, and they utilize the simplest functions in order to get through day to day tasks. And please, guys who read this, DO NOT take it as me calling you simple (aka stupid). I'm complimenting you on the fact that you do not thrive on complicated routines and mundane tasks. You again, live on the basic and essential functions that propel you through the day, which is why often times, you end up under a lot less stress than a female does.

Basically, what it comes down to is, we're just like men in that we think with our hormones rather than reason. The difference is, our hormones make us emotional and sometimes irrational messes, whereas, male hormones just keep you from thinking...period.

Dating Profiles and Dating...A Guideline

Ok, so you're at the point in your life when you want to explore all your options. It's just not enough going out to the bars and trying to meet people. I mean, if you think about it, bar nights are just as complicated nowadays with each night being themed and what not. Seriously, what kind of people do you think you're going to meet on Ladies' Night? Chances are if you're a female, the only guy you're meeting is the slick dude who thinks that just because you got some free drinks, he's taking you home tonight. Think again buddy. Country night, you get to witness some old fashioned people, and while a lot of them may be some quality men, who like to cater to the southern lifestyle of treating a lady right, most of them usually have someone that they're with. Then you have the nights for the older crowd, say your single late twentysomethings and early thirtysomethings, and you have the nights for the younger crowd. Your "I'm 19 so I can get in, but can't drink" or the "omg I'm 21 so I can drink" up to your "I'm a recent college grad but I still want to party".

Back to the online dating. Now there are several sites that are worthy of exploring but some of them you have to pay for, and when you're not exactly guaranteed results, or you're still unsure, and you don't want to pay for a service that may turn up to be something that you decided against, it becomes a difficult decision to make. So just a tip to all you potential site seekers, plenty of fish and okcupid are two sites that are free, just be aware that because anyone can message you, you may get some creepers, and some guys who really don't pay attention to what you're looking for.

Let's fast forward now. You meet this great guy, whether it was at a bar, or through one of these dating sites and you have a great first date. You seem to hit it off really well, so you go on a second date. Then, a third. At this point, you guys are really starting to like each other, you have a ton in common and you decide you want to pursue this. I present to you, the first question in the dating game. After how many dates, do you narrow the field down from maybe a couple of prospects to dating only one guy? It's a matter of the heart people. If you feel like one guy is offering you up everything you're looking for, then that should be the person you dedicate your time to.

You've taken that leap now, and you've begun to date this one person, but you're taking things slow because you don't want to rush into anything if you're not sure. You want this guy to be the one that you commit to, but you want to keep your options open, as you're not really sure what his intentions are, or even if he's looking for the same thing. In the event that he is though, a new question arises: "when is it time to take down the profile?"

Do you take it down after maybe a month of dating? Two months? When it becomes an official "relationship"? What if you guys have dated, you act like a couple, but he still hasn't made you his girlfriend, do you keep it because technically you're still single? If that's the case, should he keep it also?

Again, it's matters of the heart. I saw one of my friend's statuses and it said, single and in a relationship are just terms that we use, but they really don't mean anything. Only your heart can decide whether you are dedicated to someone, or whether you need to find someone who can really make your heart happy. Because when your heart has chosen, it will choose only one person, because that person is the one who truly makes you happy. That person has all the qualities that you are seeking and the qualities that with just a few simple words, can light up your day and plaster a smile on your face. That's dedication, that's committment, and that's when you go past dating, and you can finally take down that profile.

Breaking Away

Ever have one of those days where you just need a break from your cell phone? Like that line in the Katy Perry song "I just want to throw my phone away. Find out who is really there for me". Yeah, well that's how I'm feeling and then some. I'm not saying that I want to completely get rid of my phone. But today I just don't want to look at it. I don't want to answer any phone calls, look at any texts, update my statuses (I did one today but that was from my computer). I just want peace, quiet, and a day to my damn thoughts and vices.

I'm overwhelmed with frustration as I said to my friend last night, and it's most likely eating away at what's left of my sanity. How fantastic.

Today would have been that day where I sat in the cemetary, pulled up a spot in front of my grandmothers and chatted with them for like an hour in this gorgeous weather. Unfortunately I didn't get to. Maybe later I'll take a ride, maybe to the park. Find a spot under the tree, and just take in the breeze. Sounds like a plan :)

She's Rarer than a Diamond...is that so?

Guys have this idea of a perfect woman, the ideal girlfriend, the wifey type. She's got a body that turns you on the moment she's in your bed, she's got a smile that can light up a room, and it's super contagious. She's got eyes that can seduce you almost as quickly as they can melt your heart when she looks at you in that adoring way.

But let's add to that, shall we. You start dating this wonderful girl, and you discover that she's not trying to trap you! She just wants to see what you're about. That's why they call it dating right? She just wants to hang out with you, she likes that you text, but she's just as fine if you don't. She doesn't hit you up four to five times a day asking "Where are you? or "What are you doing?". She has a 3 text rule, if you don't respond after three times throughout the DAY, not the hour, then she doesn't bother, and she leaves you alone for the rest of it. You do you buddy, cz she's gonna do her. That's just the way it works.

Deep down though, she likes you. Something about you has got her attention. She enjoys the time you spend together and yeah, she's told a couple of her closest friends about you. She's not calling you her boo, her man, or her boyfriend, she's just letting it be known that she's digging you, and you're her type.

This girl, my goodness, this girl, she gives you your space. She lets you live your life the way you should, spending time with the boys, giving you the week to recover from being overworked, overworked-out, and on top of that, sick. She even went so far as to offer to bring you some soup or give you pointers on a quick remedy, and when you said you're fine, she let you be fine, or realistically, suffer through it the way you stubborn boys do.

Here's the best part. Throughout all this, she hasn't once pushed a relationship on you. In the amount of time that you two have spent, wherever you wanted her to spend it, and as many times as you've asked more from her than what you have of what she wanted, she's been willing to do it all. On top of that, she has yet to even mention what it is she wants from you. What she wants is simple, she wants an official date. A night where you take her out to eat, where you sit at any restaurant, and talk over some drinks and a meal for a couple of hours with no alterior motives or intentions. She wants to know, that throughout this process, you like her enough, respect her enough, to choose to be with only her, because chances are, that out of respect for herself, she's choosing to only see you.

Let's face it, this girl is definitely not the girl to date around, mess around, or put herself out there in that way. Sure she may go to a bar with her girlfriends, but when you joke and say "So, you ladies on the prowl tonight?", she's offended, because no, she's not, nor does she need to be. Unless, you're giving her a reason to, or you're basically telling her, she should be looking for something more than what she hopes she has. Let this girl know, does she have you, or not? Because while you were sitting there contemplating how even though she may be "amazing" and "the bestest <3" and all these other little things, you may not want to commit, there's someone who knows the same things, and is waiting for her to arrive on their doorstep, instead of continually ending up on yours.

It's Just Those Rainy Days

That really get you thinking about what is it in life that you really want. Sometimes its the rainy days that make you grateful for what you have when you're able to sit at home and snuggle next to the ones you love because it's just too gross to go outside. When that work day is over, you have someone to come home to, you have someone waiting there on the other side, after a long, grueling hard day.

I don't want to complain in this one, because lately, I've been counting my blessings. But I'm not gonna lie, he's on my mind. And it's in a way that I know that right now, is not possible. I want more from him than he's probably willing to give, and although he's given me more than I could have imagined, a part of me wants that little extra that turns it from something that's for now, into something that's for a while. Because even I'm not quite ready for forever. Do I hope that he could be? Maybe. But at this very moment, I'd even be happy with just taking the next step. Yeah....that's my mini rant.

The Swirl Effect :)

I try to name these blogs something that's subtle in cases of more controversial topics. This one is something that will hit home to lots of people, because we're amongst a group of individuals in where even though progress has been made, there's still a lot more to go.

What exactly am I talking about when I say the Swirl Effect? Well, that's my way of saying interracial relationships. Think of it in terms of ice cream...Vanilla and Chocolate swirled together to make one delicious cold treat. Top it off with some sprinkles and you've got a field day of yumminess. We could also call it the Neopolitan, but now we're just getting technical. The point is, that today, more and more people are exploring relationships with people outside their ethnicities. And while many people are completely accepting of it, there are a lot of traditional people in the world that still have a hard time accepting this type of relationship. So let's discuss.

I'm gonna put myself out there as an example to this one. My family heritage is Puerto Rican. Culturally, they are a very prideful and family oriented group of people. They are traditional, and believe in traditional values. Often times, a woman such as myself is expected to find herself a nice Puerto Rican or Latin boy, but even then, some latin ethnicities are less preferred. We're also expected to do it by a certain age. The younger we are when we marry, the more time we have to develop a family, because again that's just the expectation, large families, young love, compatibility.

But in my generation, women have come far enough to where we want to start a career. We go through college right out of high school rather than getting married. We put off relationships so that we can find great jobs, great careers. I'm already at what we have now dubbed the "quarter life" and I've yet to get started on the career path that I want. With the economy the way it is in 2012, who can afford to have a full family unless we have a full time, great paying job? And those are hard to come by. So yes, relationships in my life have taken a backburner.

Back on topic. Here's where I'm also not culturally traditional. I have a preference, and it is not one of my own ethnicity. I have to say I prefer to date caucasion men. It's just what I'm attracted to, and there are times where the women in my family do question or ask about my choices. All I can say is, that's who and what I like, and that's what I go for. I'm happy with it, and as long as I find someone that makes me happy, then why should it matter what they look like?

The matriarchs in our families grew up in a time when racism was still an issue. If you have an older mother, or grandmother, schools were still segregated, stereotypes were prevalent and quite honestly, they still are in some cases. When you see an interracial couple walking down the road, do you say "aw they look happy together" or is your first thought "oh, why are they together?" If your first thought is HONESTLY the second, then I'm not saying you're racist, because that's not the case, I'm just saying that we're still stuck in a mindset where something like that can still come as a surprise. And that is the effect that our cultures still have on us.

We have to remember that love knows no boundaries. There's no such thing as color when it comes to love. To be able to have that connection with someone, regardless of what they look like is what makes the relationship so powerful. To be able to share with someone your dreams...your DREAMS...not your career goals, is something so amazing. Your photos with your loved one will have a sparkle in it that makes it beautiful because the way you feel about each other radiates off to the camera more than a "pretty couple" photo. But maybe one day, we'll be able to look at such a couple and say "Aw they look happy together, they're beautiful".

My Girl's on a Diet!!!!

So today I saw the status of one of my guy friends, and to paraphrase and summarize, it basically said that if your girl hasn't gained 10 lbs in the first year you two have been dating then she's messing with some other dude. And if she looks better than when you first met her, then she's definitely trying to make herself look good for other men in her life, or the possibility of other men in her life.

I have a problem with this statement. First of all, I commented and said that the reverse could also be true. I mean what if she knew that YOU were cheating and that she decided to start losing weight so that she could get you back, or keep you around. Obviously you stopped paying attention to her, so she felt she needed to do something to get the attention back.

How about this? With the standards that the media and men are setting for us these days, it takes an emotional toll. The ideas of the beach body and young guys posting up pics of Summer '11 or Spring '12, when they went on a vacation and took pictures with girls that have the bodies of barbie dolls, all play in our heads and we begin to wonder, well what can I do to look like that?

So we go to the stores to look at workout plans. Ever notice that all the DVDs have personal trainers on the cover that have the sickest abs imagineable? So you shoot for those results, but hey while some people really do look like that (kudos to them by the way), others are just airbrushed. So let's face it, we're spending money on something that may or may not work, or have the potential to give us the body that we want, only to be further scrutinized by the men in our lives who now say "You're too skinny" or "Who you trying to look good for?" Hellooooo?! We did it for YOU. Because while you were looking at supermodel Kate Upton, or eyeing the cute little 20somethings at the bar, we were trying to catch those glances.

Let's forget about the vanity part of why your girl may be on a diet. Take a moment to think about the health aspect of it all. With the amount of people who are overweight in our country due to the fast food chain of the restaurant industry, why shouldn't she monitor her health? The better she eats, the more she can avoid health issues like hypertension, coronary disease, diabetes, etc. Plus eating right promotes a healthy exterior. The proper vitamin intake can cause improvements in overall health, fingernail growth, hair growth and improvement in shine and texture, as well as a boost in her confidence. A boost in her confidence equals an increased sex drive, and that just works out in your favor, if you're smart enough to notice.

Remember fellas, don't turn your eyes away from the woman you love, or from the woman who loves you, because chances are, when she's taking that time to diet, someone is going to notice, even if that someone isn't you. But for your sake, I hope that it is, cz then you don't have to worry about "some other guy".