Ecclesiastes 5:5
"It is better to say nothing than to make a promise and not keep it"
I'm more guilty of this than you can ever imagine. My path to God was clouded and I strayed from it. My devotional says that when we feel obligated we make promises, and when we don't keep them, we disappoint those we make the promises to. So lately, I've been mad at God, and I made a promise to go to church and I didn't keep it, and I felt like God punished me further for it. But then I realized that I did it because I felt obligated to live in God's Good Will through charitable and Christian actions. But in doing so, I was not true to myself and to my journey. I became someone and something that I'm not.
People have this stereotype, this standard and expectation of what it means to be close to God. And if we don't live by that example, then we aren't living in the Light of our Lord. The thing is, everybody has a different relationship with God and that's what makes it special. I'm no less God's child because I don't go to church. I pray everyday and I ask for Him to walk by my side and protect me. I pray for His guidance whether I need it or not. I long to feel His presence as any child of God would. I long to feel His influence, I open my heart to Him and I ask that He open my life to as many miracles as He sees fit. I open my heart and soul to His love and I pray to live in the Light of His love in all the ways that best work for me. I'm not closed to self-improvement, it's why I now turn to Him. But I cannot be forced, I release myself from expectation and obligation and I walk with God as He intended me to: as myself, as Melissa, as the child of God.
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Real Men (dedicated)
Ok, so I've been seeing these posts and pictures everywhere, and I'm honestly so tired of it, that I need to make something clear.
A man is NOT defined by how often he texts his girl, or how often he calls her. There was a time when there were no cell phones and a man had to walk his ass to a girl's house, throw rocks at a window just to get her attention, or call the house phone and ask her mom if he could speak with her. Texting is a modern day privilege that most of us have forgotten we once did without. Don't define your fucking boyfriend by the number of texts he sends. Cut that shit out, get real, a text is a text, and most times, we take them out of context anyway.
A man is NOT defined by how many times he says he misses you. Guys are fucking guys, they very rarely show emotion. Most girls are lucky to have a guy who isn't AFRAID to utter those words, let alone get a guy to say "I love you". Ask around, tell your friends be honest, and I bet you half your friends are dating a guy that can't even say "I care", "I miss you" or "I LIKE YOU".
A man is NOT defined by how he lays it down in the bedroom. That's your business, nobody else's. He doesn't need to pull your hair, he doesn't need to play rough. A good man in the bedroom caters to what his girl NEEDS. He knows her body, he knows her mind, he knows her soul. If she can feel at the end of her encounter that there's nothing better than the connection that just resulted from the intimate moment they just shared, then guess what ladies, you got yourself a "Real Man".
And lastly, to all you selfish, materialistic type chicks...your MAN is not defined by how much money he spends on you, the "just because" gifts he gets you, the things he does for your birthday, that concert he took you to, that Coach bag he bought you, etc. How much would you bet if you asked him why he did it, that "just because" turns into "because that's what she expects". Good job, you became an obligation.
A "REAL Man" is defined by the way he treats his girl at all times. The way he treats her when they're alone, the way he treats her in front of his friends, family, her friends, her family. A man is defined by the love he gives to her. Any guy can SAY they love you, but how many of them will show it? A man who loves you knows that your happiness is what matters most, that the smile on your face lights up HIS world. He doesn't need to say it 10 times a day, because if he was a REAL man, you'd know that no matter what happens, he loves you more than anyone else. A real man will not just introduce you to his mom, but make you feel like you're a part of his family, that his mom is your mom, and that she loves you as much as he does. A real man knows that the real treasure, is the beautiful woman that he is with, and that no amount of jewelry can make her more valuable, because she already was. A real man knows that no amount of time can come between the relationship. He's not afraid to take that two week business trip because he knows that when he returns, you won't love him any less, in fact if you were smart, you'd love him more. That business trip was so that he could keep his job to support YOU.
To all those Real men out there, the ones not defined by today's standards, keep doing what you do, because one day, we woman will wise up when we realize that we were searching for the wrong things. Some of us may take a little longer, but hey us girls are willing to wait for guys too. To the women who understand what I'm saying, and know a real man, or have a real man, thank God for him tonight, because some of us are still wishing for one.
A man is NOT defined by how often he texts his girl, or how often he calls her. There was a time when there were no cell phones and a man had to walk his ass to a girl's house, throw rocks at a window just to get her attention, or call the house phone and ask her mom if he could speak with her. Texting is a modern day privilege that most of us have forgotten we once did without. Don't define your fucking boyfriend by the number of texts he sends. Cut that shit out, get real, a text is a text, and most times, we take them out of context anyway.
A man is NOT defined by how many times he says he misses you. Guys are fucking guys, they very rarely show emotion. Most girls are lucky to have a guy who isn't AFRAID to utter those words, let alone get a guy to say "I love you". Ask around, tell your friends be honest, and I bet you half your friends are dating a guy that can't even say "I care", "I miss you" or "I LIKE YOU".
A man is NOT defined by how he lays it down in the bedroom. That's your business, nobody else's. He doesn't need to pull your hair, he doesn't need to play rough. A good man in the bedroom caters to what his girl NEEDS. He knows her body, he knows her mind, he knows her soul. If she can feel at the end of her encounter that there's nothing better than the connection that just resulted from the intimate moment they just shared, then guess what ladies, you got yourself a "Real Man".
And lastly, to all you selfish, materialistic type chicks...your MAN is not defined by how much money he spends on you, the "just because" gifts he gets you, the things he does for your birthday, that concert he took you to, that Coach bag he bought you, etc. How much would you bet if you asked him why he did it, that "just because" turns into "because that's what she expects". Good job, you became an obligation.
A "REAL Man" is defined by the way he treats his girl at all times. The way he treats her when they're alone, the way he treats her in front of his friends, family, her friends, her family. A man is defined by the love he gives to her. Any guy can SAY they love you, but how many of them will show it? A man who loves you knows that your happiness is what matters most, that the smile on your face lights up HIS world. He doesn't need to say it 10 times a day, because if he was a REAL man, you'd know that no matter what happens, he loves you more than anyone else. A real man will not just introduce you to his mom, but make you feel like you're a part of his family, that his mom is your mom, and that she loves you as much as he does. A real man knows that the real treasure, is the beautiful woman that he is with, and that no amount of jewelry can make her more valuable, because she already was. A real man knows that no amount of time can come between the relationship. He's not afraid to take that two week business trip because he knows that when he returns, you won't love him any less, in fact if you were smart, you'd love him more. That business trip was so that he could keep his job to support YOU.
To all those Real men out there, the ones not defined by today's standards, keep doing what you do, because one day, we woman will wise up when we realize that we were searching for the wrong things. Some of us may take a little longer, but hey us girls are willing to wait for guys too. To the women who understand what I'm saying, and know a real man, or have a real man, thank God for him tonight, because some of us are still wishing for one.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Cross My Heart
Now, the dedicated piece :)
Cross my heart, I almost died
You ran to me as tears I cried
I saw my life flash before my eyes
You showed you cared, a nice disguise
Fool me once, no fool me twice
A moment of love, it felt so nice
But now we sit here at a crossroads
I ask which way, you say "don't know"
Je ne sais pas, but I can't wait
All I'm asking is for a simple date
I ask your fear, what holds you back
Do you hate being alone, I'll cut you some slack
Are you afraid to give in to what we are
This is new to you, but you've come so far
All I'm asking is for you to tell me how you feel
You already know we're capable of a love that's real
It's partially my fault, I forget you're young
Feeling like T-Pain, but you knew I was sprung
You tug at my heartstrings, you draw me into your light
Yet when I want your time, you won't give me the night
I'm stuck at an impass, not sure what to do
Do you want to be with me, because I still want to be with you.
Cross my heart, I almost died
You ran to me as tears I cried
I saw my life flash before my eyes
You showed you cared, a nice disguise
Fool me once, no fool me twice
A moment of love, it felt so nice
But now we sit here at a crossroads
I ask which way, you say "don't know"
Je ne sais pas, but I can't wait
All I'm asking is for a simple date
I ask your fear, what holds you back
Do you hate being alone, I'll cut you some slack
Are you afraid to give in to what we are
This is new to you, but you've come so far
All I'm asking is for you to tell me how you feel
You already know we're capable of a love that's real
It's partially my fault, I forget you're young
Feeling like T-Pain, but you knew I was sprung
You tug at my heartstrings, you draw me into your light
Yet when I want your time, you won't give me the night
I'm stuck at an impass, not sure what to do
Do you want to be with me, because I still want to be with you.
Lunar Eclipse
This is a poem that I wrote for myself...I was asked to write a poem by my cousin, but I needed an inspirational warm-up. So here is my own little sweet nothing. Love it or hate it, it's my soul I'm bearing.
What happens to the wolf when the Earth hides the moon?
A shadow in the dark
A light that cannot spark
The wolf howls at what was once there
Knowing she has no power, gives her a scare
She howls in the darkness longing for protection
A companion, a mate, to show her some affection
She is without the light that constantly is her guide
The moon would always be by her side
But once in a while the moon needs to go away
As it passes behind the earth, its light just can't stay
Though the moon knows its soulmate cries,
The moon reappears knowing their bond doesn't die.
And the beautiful wolf can once again roam free
With the moon right beside her, its all she needs
As the moon makes its return the wolf can now rise
A shapeshifter by trade, she chooses her disguise
The wolf takes form as a part of humanity
But the moon disappears again sparking the wolf's insanity
Until the wolf realizes her beloved moon goes through phases
So she waits for its return and when it finally does, her heart blazes
This is the cycle of the relationship they endure
But their bond will last forever, of that we can be sure.
What happens to the wolf when the Earth hides the moon?
A shadow in the dark
A light that cannot spark
The wolf howls at what was once there
Knowing she has no power, gives her a scare
She howls in the darkness longing for protection
A companion, a mate, to show her some affection
She is without the light that constantly is her guide
The moon would always be by her side
But once in a while the moon needs to go away
As it passes behind the earth, its light just can't stay
Though the moon knows its soulmate cries,
The moon reappears knowing their bond doesn't die.
And the beautiful wolf can once again roam free
With the moon right beside her, its all she needs
As the moon makes its return the wolf can now rise
A shapeshifter by trade, she chooses her disguise
The wolf takes form as a part of humanity
But the moon disappears again sparking the wolf's insanity
Until the wolf realizes her beloved moon goes through phases
So she waits for its return and when it finally does, her heart blazes
This is the cycle of the relationship they endure
But their bond will last forever, of that we can be sure.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
In a Mood
So I haven't posted on my personal blog in a while because I have been so focused on doing my professional one! Forgive me, my readers, as I try to keep up on all chains, one broken link can leave the whole thing to fall apart!
Here are the happenings: I'm facing obstacles all around! Obstacles with work, obstacles with myself. My personal obstacle is simply my patience. Let's face it, I have none. I find that in many of my personal relationships, whether they be friendships, family, or dating, I tend to rush things. Here's the thing, as a retail professional, you're fast paced, always on the go, always moving, it's almost non-stop. If you can't keep up, you won't make it past a certain level. I've done this for 8 years, so I really only know one thing: I control my pace. I've taken this to outside relationships, because I need to control those too. I find that if something isn't done in my time, I'm not happy. I've always had this thing where I wait for nobody, because I've always felt I have no time to wait. It's ultimately my downfall, as Life really shouldn't be rushed anyway.
Work. I want so much more!! I'm on the path to living a healthy lifestyle and I want to help others do the same. I work for a fantastic company that I truly want to move up with, and I feel stuck. But again, it's because it's not at MY pace. If things were my way, I'd be where I want to be already, and I wouldn't be feeling like I'm in limbo.
Here's what I've been thinking. God is trying to tell me something here. He's trying to teach me the lesson I continually fail to learn, and that's patience. I have to begin to understand that things will happen the way they are meant to, and that the best things in life are earned and take time, patience and a person who is willing to fight for everything that they believe in. If I continue to rush things, I will miss details, I will miss important factors that will contribute to my success. I have to take time to perfect and complete the things the way they should be completed, and not do them just to get to the end result. Yes the end result is a sweet dream, but getting there is only going to increase and enhance the glory, the journey, the progress, the process. They say to stop and smell the roses, to appreciate the little things life has to offer, because it could be all gone in a flash. So maybe, just maybe, it's time to start listening, and take my time. Because I truly believe that my entire journey, in all aspects and all relationships, is worth fighting for. And I'm just not ready to give up!
Here are the happenings: I'm facing obstacles all around! Obstacles with work, obstacles with myself. My personal obstacle is simply my patience. Let's face it, I have none. I find that in many of my personal relationships, whether they be friendships, family, or dating, I tend to rush things. Here's the thing, as a retail professional, you're fast paced, always on the go, always moving, it's almost non-stop. If you can't keep up, you won't make it past a certain level. I've done this for 8 years, so I really only know one thing: I control my pace. I've taken this to outside relationships, because I need to control those too. I find that if something isn't done in my time, I'm not happy. I've always had this thing where I wait for nobody, because I've always felt I have no time to wait. It's ultimately my downfall, as Life really shouldn't be rushed anyway.
Work. I want so much more!! I'm on the path to living a healthy lifestyle and I want to help others do the same. I work for a fantastic company that I truly want to move up with, and I feel stuck. But again, it's because it's not at MY pace. If things were my way, I'd be where I want to be already, and I wouldn't be feeling like I'm in limbo.
Here's what I've been thinking. God is trying to tell me something here. He's trying to teach me the lesson I continually fail to learn, and that's patience. I have to begin to understand that things will happen the way they are meant to, and that the best things in life are earned and take time, patience and a person who is willing to fight for everything that they believe in. If I continue to rush things, I will miss details, I will miss important factors that will contribute to my success. I have to take time to perfect and complete the things the way they should be completed, and not do them just to get to the end result. Yes the end result is a sweet dream, but getting there is only going to increase and enhance the glory, the journey, the progress, the process. They say to stop and smell the roses, to appreciate the little things life has to offer, because it could be all gone in a flash. So maybe, just maybe, it's time to start listening, and take my time. Because I truly believe that my entire journey, in all aspects and all relationships, is worth fighting for. And I'm just not ready to give up!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
These Eyes Upon Me
These eyes gaze upon me and they see everything that I don't want them to see, let alone anyone else. They see me, inside and out. They see me exposed, they see me covered. They see me in my every moment of weakness and in my every moment of strength. These eyes start from the top. They see my hair. It has roots growing in, I should dye it again. It looks messy, I didn't get to straighten it the way I wanted to this morning. It just wasn't coming out right. It's getting too long for me to handle. Ugh my hair, maybe I should let it keep growing, I mean it does look a bit nice the way it flows. At least it's shiny and not dull.
Then those eyes migrate to my face. I broke out. I have blemishes and dark spots everywhere. At least I look better than what I did a week ago, even two weeks ago. That was just embarrassing. Bad acne, it was terrible. Now just to get those dark spots. Don't smile, your teeth could be whiter. My face is bare, not an ounce of make-up. I knew I should have at least put on eyeliner and mascara. Or even some foundation, then these dark spots wouldn't be so bad. Please don't look at my face much longer. Oh dear, what's next?
My upper body. I have tattoos, yes I know. Don't judge me on them, they have meaning. Yes that's one on my chest. And yes, it's a dragonfly, so what. I plan on adding more to it anyway. I should cover my boobs, I don't want these eyes to see my scar. My scar, from my surgery. Still doing fine, thankfully. Although I get the occasional pain. I heard that comes with any surgery though. Then there's that birthmark. It had to be this one light skin patch in the middle of my chest. I wish my neck wasn't so boney. I look skinny. Except my stomach, it's not as flat as I want it to be. I'm still working on that. Summer six pack is my goal, are you finished yet? Not sure how much more I can endure.
My lower body...ok good, these eyes are almost done staring. I feel like I've just been examined from head to toe, well ok I have been. My legs are nothing to brag about. I have wide hips for a girl my height. Let's face it, I'm Hispanic, hips were bound to happen here. My thighs are a bit chunky, not toned, but those are getting there too. I have scars on them also, but that's because I was a bit more of an outdoor kid, which brings me to my knees...yep, banged up and dry, with a big scar of where I scraped myself running. I hit the concrete pretty hard that day. I remember that cut too. It hurt bad. That scar never went away. Thank goodness I shaved today, at least my legs are smooth. My calves are kind of toned. That's because I have a job where I'm mostly standing. But then there's the fact that I come home and dance to my music. I also used to dance at my family parties. You get good tone if you can dance some salsa and merengue. Thank you mom for that one. You're pretty much done there right? I mean my feet? They're small. I have little toes too. I need a pedicure, but I mean it hasn't exactly been open toe shoe weather. Stop staring, you're killing me.
These eyes upon me, looking at every detail of my body. Examining me, breaking me down, wearing on my soul, judging me...these eyes, they're my own. And if this is how I feel about myself sometimes, how is it that he can call me beautiful? How is it that he can see every inch of me, see me pre-op, post-op and not care? How is it that he can say everytime he sees me that I still look amazing? He'll never know the comfort he gives me, the self-esteem he gives a boost, the eyes that overanalyze, are trying to see what he sees. He sees me, and at the end of the day, if he can still sit there and tell me I'm awesome, and tell me that I'm amazing, then maybe these eyes, are blind to what's really there. Show me the way....show me your way. Show me, the me that you see. She sounds beautiful <3
Then those eyes migrate to my face. I broke out. I have blemishes and dark spots everywhere. At least I look better than what I did a week ago, even two weeks ago. That was just embarrassing. Bad acne, it was terrible. Now just to get those dark spots. Don't smile, your teeth could be whiter. My face is bare, not an ounce of make-up. I knew I should have at least put on eyeliner and mascara. Or even some foundation, then these dark spots wouldn't be so bad. Please don't look at my face much longer. Oh dear, what's next?
My upper body. I have tattoos, yes I know. Don't judge me on them, they have meaning. Yes that's one on my chest. And yes, it's a dragonfly, so what. I plan on adding more to it anyway. I should cover my boobs, I don't want these eyes to see my scar. My scar, from my surgery. Still doing fine, thankfully. Although I get the occasional pain. I heard that comes with any surgery though. Then there's that birthmark. It had to be this one light skin patch in the middle of my chest. I wish my neck wasn't so boney. I look skinny. Except my stomach, it's not as flat as I want it to be. I'm still working on that. Summer six pack is my goal, are you finished yet? Not sure how much more I can endure.
My lower body...ok good, these eyes are almost done staring. I feel like I've just been examined from head to toe, well ok I have been. My legs are nothing to brag about. I have wide hips for a girl my height. Let's face it, I'm Hispanic, hips were bound to happen here. My thighs are a bit chunky, not toned, but those are getting there too. I have scars on them also, but that's because I was a bit more of an outdoor kid, which brings me to my knees...yep, banged up and dry, with a big scar of where I scraped myself running. I hit the concrete pretty hard that day. I remember that cut too. It hurt bad. That scar never went away. Thank goodness I shaved today, at least my legs are smooth. My calves are kind of toned. That's because I have a job where I'm mostly standing. But then there's the fact that I come home and dance to my music. I also used to dance at my family parties. You get good tone if you can dance some salsa and merengue. Thank you mom for that one. You're pretty much done there right? I mean my feet? They're small. I have little toes too. I need a pedicure, but I mean it hasn't exactly been open toe shoe weather. Stop staring, you're killing me.
These eyes upon me, looking at every detail of my body. Examining me, breaking me down, wearing on my soul, judging me...these eyes, they're my own. And if this is how I feel about myself sometimes, how is it that he can call me beautiful? How is it that he can see every inch of me, see me pre-op, post-op and not care? How is it that he can say everytime he sees me that I still look amazing? He'll never know the comfort he gives me, the self-esteem he gives a boost, the eyes that overanalyze, are trying to see what he sees. He sees me, and at the end of the day, if he can still sit there and tell me I'm awesome, and tell me that I'm amazing, then maybe these eyes, are blind to what's really there. Show me the way....show me your way. Show me, the me that you see. She sounds beautiful <3
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Moon to my Mars
Moon to my Mars
Waking up after a long night, feeling the warmth of your skin
Sends shivers up and down my spine, makes my heart flutter within
I turn and see you sleeping there, turned over to your side
Your little snores, that I adore, you dream, and you smile wide
You are the embodiment of your sign, the crab, the child of the moon
And everytime you're in my arms, I can do nothing but swoon
With everyday that we grew closer, I knew what I found was right
You've brought so much to my life, a happiness, a light
I never thought I'd be sitting here, a year ago today
Never thought I'd find someone that made me feel this way
You push me to greatness, you're my reason to be better
All the advice, all the nights, the moments we had together
Whenever I needed an escape, it was you I'd run to see
You'd hold me in your arms and say, "let it go, you're with me"
Astrology has aligned in our favor, your moon to my Mars
My favorite night of all with you, was that night under the stars
I know this poem is way too sappy, but guess what I don't care
Because after a year of knowing you, losing you is more than I could bear.
We've been through our ups and downs, and though you left me for a while
The moment you came back to me, all I could do was smile
The void, the anger, the hurt, the sadness, it all just went away
You said you weren't going anywhere, now I know, you're here to stay
Here's to you a Cancer, loving, caring, kind hearted, and secure
Stuck with a Scorpio who's so emotional, just glad you can endure!
Waking up after a long night, feeling the warmth of your skin
Sends shivers up and down my spine, makes my heart flutter within
I turn and see you sleeping there, turned over to your side
Your little snores, that I adore, you dream, and you smile wide
You are the embodiment of your sign, the crab, the child of the moon
And everytime you're in my arms, I can do nothing but swoon
With everyday that we grew closer, I knew what I found was right
You've brought so much to my life, a happiness, a light
I never thought I'd be sitting here, a year ago today
Never thought I'd find someone that made me feel this way
You push me to greatness, you're my reason to be better
All the advice, all the nights, the moments we had together
Whenever I needed an escape, it was you I'd run to see
You'd hold me in your arms and say, "let it go, you're with me"
Astrology has aligned in our favor, your moon to my Mars
My favorite night of all with you, was that night under the stars
I know this poem is way too sappy, but guess what I don't care
Because after a year of knowing you, losing you is more than I could bear.
We've been through our ups and downs, and though you left me for a while
The moment you came back to me, all I could do was smile
The void, the anger, the hurt, the sadness, it all just went away
You said you weren't going anywhere, now I know, you're here to stay
Here's to you a Cancer, loving, caring, kind hearted, and secure
Stuck with a Scorpio who's so emotional, just glad you can endure!
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