Cross My Heart

Now, the dedicated piece :)

Cross my heart, I almost died
You ran to me as tears I cried
I saw my life flash before my eyes
You showed you cared, a nice disguise
Fool me once, no fool me twice
A moment of love, it felt so nice
But now we sit here at a crossroads
I ask which way, you say "don't know"
Je ne sais pas, but I can't wait
All I'm asking is for a simple date
I ask your fear, what holds you back
Do you hate being alone, I'll cut you some slack
Are you afraid to give in to what we are
This is new to you, but you've come so far
All I'm asking is for you to tell me how you feel
You already know we're capable of a love that's real
It's partially my fault, I forget you're young
Feeling like T-Pain, but you knew I was sprung
You tug at my heartstrings, you draw me into your light
Yet when I want your time, you won't give me the night
I'm stuck at an impass, not sure what to do
Do you want to be with me, because I still want to be with you.

Lunar Eclipse

This is a poem that I wrote for myself...I was asked to write a poem by my cousin, but I needed an inspirational warm-up. So here is my own little sweet nothing. Love it or hate it, it's my soul I'm bearing.

What happens to the wolf when the Earth hides the moon?
A shadow in the dark
A light that cannot spark
The wolf howls at what was once there
Knowing she has no power, gives her a scare
She howls in the darkness longing for protection
A companion, a mate, to show her some affection
She is without the light that constantly is her guide
The moon would always be by her side
But once in a while the moon needs to go away
As it passes behind the earth, its light just can't stay
Though the moon knows its soulmate cries,
The moon reappears knowing their bond doesn't die.
And the beautiful wolf can once again roam free
With the moon right beside her, its all she needs
As the moon makes its return the wolf can now rise
A shapeshifter by trade, she chooses her disguise
The wolf takes form as a part of humanity
But the moon disappears again sparking the wolf's insanity
Until the wolf realizes her beloved moon goes through phases
So she waits for its return and when it finally does, her heart blazes
This is the cycle of the relationship they endure
But their bond will last forever, of that we can be sure.

In a Mood

So I haven't posted on my personal blog in a while because I have been so focused on doing my professional one! Forgive me, my readers, as I try to keep up on all chains, one broken link can leave the whole thing to fall apart!

Here are the happenings: I'm facing obstacles all around! Obstacles with work, obstacles with myself. My personal obstacle is simply my patience. Let's face it, I have none. I find that in many of my personal relationships, whether they be friendships, family, or dating, I tend to rush things. Here's the thing, as a retail professional, you're fast paced, always on the go, always moving, it's almost non-stop. If you can't keep up, you won't make it past a certain level. I've done this for 8 years, so I really only know one thing: I control my pace. I've taken this to outside relationships, because I need to control those too. I find that if something isn't done in my time, I'm not happy. I've always had this thing where I wait for nobody, because I've always felt I have no time to wait. It's ultimately my downfall, as Life really shouldn't be rushed anyway.

Work. I want so much more!! I'm on the path to living a healthy lifestyle and I want to help others do the same. I work for a fantastic company that I truly want to move up with, and I feel stuck. But again, it's because it's not at MY pace. If things were my way, I'd be where I want to be already, and I wouldn't be feeling like I'm in limbo.

Here's what I've been thinking. God is trying to tell me something here. He's trying to teach me the lesson I continually fail to learn, and that's patience. I have to begin to understand that things will happen the way they are meant to, and that the best things in life are earned and take time, patience and a person who is willing to fight for everything that they believe in. If I continue to rush things, I will miss details, I will miss important factors that will contribute to my success. I have to take time to perfect and complete the things the way they should be completed, and not do them just to get to the end result. Yes the end result is a sweet dream, but getting there is only going to increase and enhance the glory, the journey, the progress, the process. They say to stop and smell the roses, to appreciate the little things life has to offer, because it could be all gone in a flash. So maybe, just maybe, it's time to start listening, and take my time. Because I truly believe that my entire journey, in all aspects and all relationships, is worth fighting for. And I'm just not ready to give up!

These Eyes Upon Me

These eyes gaze upon me and they see everything that I don't want them to see, let alone anyone else. They see me, inside and out. They see me exposed, they see me covered. They see me in my every moment of weakness and in my every moment of strength. These eyes start from the top. They see my hair. It has roots growing in, I should dye it again. It looks messy, I didn't get to straighten it the way I wanted to this morning. It just wasn't coming out right. It's getting too long for me to handle. Ugh my hair, maybe I should let it keep growing, I mean it does look a bit nice the way it flows. At least it's shiny and not dull.

Then those eyes migrate to my face. I broke out. I have blemishes and dark spots everywhere. At least I look better than what I did a week ago, even two weeks ago. That was just embarrassing. Bad acne, it was terrible. Now just to get those dark spots. Don't smile, your teeth could be whiter. My face is bare, not an ounce of make-up. I knew I should have at least put on eyeliner and mascara. Or even some foundation, then these dark spots wouldn't be so bad. Please don't look at my face much longer. Oh dear, what's next?

My upper body. I have tattoos, yes I know. Don't judge me on them, they have meaning. Yes that's one on my chest. And yes, it's a dragonfly, so what. I plan on adding more to it anyway. I should cover my boobs, I don't want these eyes to see my scar. My scar, from my surgery. Still doing fine, thankfully. Although I get the occasional pain. I heard that comes with any surgery though. Then there's that birthmark. It had to be this one light skin patch in the middle of my chest. I wish my neck wasn't so boney. I look skinny. Except my stomach, it's not as flat as I want it to be. I'm still working on that. Summer six pack is my goal, are you finished yet? Not sure how much more I can endure.

My lower body...ok good, these eyes are almost done staring. I feel like I've just been examined from head to toe, well ok I have been. My legs are nothing to brag about. I have wide hips for a girl my height. Let's face it, I'm Hispanic, hips were bound to happen here. My thighs are a bit chunky, not toned, but those are getting there too. I have scars on them also, but that's because I was a bit more of an outdoor kid, which brings me to my knees...yep, banged up and dry, with a big scar of where I scraped myself running. I hit the concrete pretty hard that day. I remember that cut too. It hurt bad. That scar never went away. Thank goodness I shaved today, at least my legs are smooth. My calves are kind of toned. That's because I have a job where I'm mostly standing. But then there's the fact that I come home and dance to my music. I also used to dance at my family parties. You get good tone if you can dance some salsa and merengue. Thank you mom for that one. You're pretty much done there right? I mean my feet? They're small. I have little toes too. I need a pedicure, but I mean it hasn't exactly been open toe shoe weather. Stop staring, you're killing me.

These eyes upon me, looking at every detail of my body. Examining me, breaking me down, wearing on my soul, judging me...these eyes, they're my own. And if this is how I feel about myself sometimes, how is it that he can call me beautiful? How is it that he can see every inch of me, see me pre-op, post-op and not care? How is it that he can say everytime he sees me that I still look amazing? He'll never know the comfort he gives me, the self-esteem he gives a boost, the eyes that overanalyze, are trying to see what he sees. He sees me, and at the end of the day, if he can still sit there and tell me I'm awesome, and tell me that I'm amazing, then maybe these eyes, are blind to what's really there. Show me the way....show me your way. Show me, the me that you see. She sounds beautiful <3

Moon to my Mars

Moon to my Mars

Waking up after a long night, feeling the warmth of your skin
Sends shivers up and down my spine, makes my heart flutter within
I turn and see you sleeping there, turned over to your side
Your little snores, that I adore, you dream, and you smile wide
You are the embodiment of your sign, the crab, the child of the moon
And everytime you're in my arms, I can do nothing but swoon
With everyday that we grew closer, I knew what I found was right
You've brought so much to my life, a happiness, a light
I never thought I'd be sitting here, a year ago today
Never thought I'd find someone that made me feel this way
You push me to greatness, you're my reason to be better
All the advice, all the nights, the moments we had together
Whenever I needed an escape, it was you I'd run to see
You'd hold me in your arms and say, "let it go, you're with me"
Astrology has aligned in our favor, your moon to my Mars
My favorite night of all with you, was that night under the stars
I know this poem is way too sappy, but guess what I don't care
Because after a year of knowing you, losing you is more than I could bear.
We've been through our ups and downs, and though you left me for a while
The moment you came back to me, all I could do was smile
The void, the anger, the hurt, the sadness, it all just went away
You said you weren't going anywhere, now I know, you're here to stay

Here's to you a Cancer, loving, caring, kind hearted, and secure
Stuck with a Scorpio who's so emotional, just glad you can endure!

Words Unspoken

Ok people this one is done by special request...haven't done poetry in a long ass time, so please excuse me if it's not that great. But if this one gets enough feedback, maybe over time, I could get back into it...

Words Unspoken: Story of Goodbye

The story of a heart that's broken
Told with words that were left unspoken
I sit here looking through my windowpane
As outside it starts to rain
I think of these beautiful April Showers
Of a love that could have grown like a flower
But instead I sit here, about to cry
Wondering why instead, I had to say goodbye
I would have given you the best part of me
The part of me that would have been only yours to see
Something that's sacred, something I treasure
Something that when given, no words could measure
We could have shared many starry nights,
Of course what's any relationship without any fights
But I would have been determined to see this through
I would have been ready to give my heart to you
Through a twist of fate, our paths began to part
Like a fork in the road, not knowing where to start
You took one way and in an instant you were gone
The path I chose to follow, it seems it was the one that's wrong
For you see, I'm having trouble finding where you are
I wonder where you could have gone, and if I'm really far
As I try to get close to you, I just can't seem to catch a break
Maybe this is my fault, and what I hoped to be real, just was a bit fake
I could have been a tad bit hasty, seeing something worth so much more
You could say that I'm a bit of a romanticist, some find that to be a bore
I promise you though, if you had taken just one leap of faith
That everything I give to you would have been worth the wait
But again, I sit here, about to cry
Wondering why instead, I had to say goodbye.

Hm...and this isn't even my situation...but tell me what you guys all think!

Outnumbered, but Still Gold...

Women in the Sports industry. We are severely outnumbered here, and unfortunately, while we're trying to play catch up, the men already have a major upperhand.

Take myself for instance...I work in Vitamin World, which is a nutrition store for vitamins, minerals, protein and other sports nutrition supplements. We pride ourselves on the customer service aspect, and the company offers a program where associates can learn about the products then test their knowledge to become a VW Nutritional Advisor. Most of the stores in the district however, are operating on either a 3:1 ratio or a 2:2 ratio. For the most part, the men outnumber the women, and I get to be a part of that lovely 3:1 store ratio.

It's not that bad, I mean I've learned a lot by working with men. I've learned about what they tend to focus on in regards to their health. While most of the older men tend to focus on overall health and heart health, we get the occasional specialty customer who wants to improve drive and energy. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, these men aren't exactly comfortable talking to women about these types of needs. I mean realistically, no man ever wants to reveal to a female employee at a store that he's looking to improve function, it's practically an ego destroyer. But now the same goes for the women. I've had so many women come up to me and say it's nice to see a girl in this store, it's mostly men and I can't always talk to them about certain things. It's a sucky situation either way you look at it.

Now let's look at the sports industry in its entirety. There aren't a lot of women out there. I mean they say the sports are equal but they're really not. The sports industry is still segregated for one thing. We have Women's Softball vs Baseball, Women's basketball vs NBA. Admittedly, some of these sports should be segregated, like wrestling and MMA, I mean it wouldn't be fair at all if a woman had to try to take down a man who even though may be in the same weight class, their frames are different and so is their mass. But in regards to baseball, I don't believe a larger ball is going to be the difference between whether or not a girl can play baseball or softball. I mean realistically, is this what we're basing it on? Same thing with the basketball, the weight of the ball is different as well as the courts, rules, etc. I mean these are two sports where I don't see the big deal in unifying them.

No matter the way you look at it, again, men have had the head start in the industry. Even today, a lot of the workout and sports supplements we have contain ingredients that are meant for expanding the frame, and for men, boosting the testosterone levels. For women who don't want to expand the frame, spike insulin levels, increase mass, all that stuff, we want something that will boost our energy and won't weigh us down. Not many supplements will do that. So we're stuck.

Hopefully one day we will catch up, but we have made phenomenal strides, we have women sports celebs, women Gold medalists, women champs, women sponsors, fighters, etc. We're getting there, and it'll take time and work, but we can do it, cz we're women!