So you just broke up with your significant other and you're looking to get back on the dating scene. You've heard the phrase enough times already "Don't you think you should just get back on the horse? I mean really, everybody falls". Of course, the horse we tend to choose, is the fake fucker on the merry-go-round. Congratulations, you just threw yourself a step backwards and now you're going in circles to shitty music while the outside world is looking in on this not-so-fun ride.
I'm certainly no expert on relationships. You're talking to the girl who finds every reason imaginable to push people away because I literally don't know how to tell a guy that he's just not what I'm looking for. I also come off as heartless because I'll either ignore you to avoid the confrontation, or I'm really not hurt after someone leaves me, unless it's someone I truly care about. And in my lifetime, there's only been two people who I can say have left their marks on my heart. Everybody else, just walked in and out. But here's the thing, I'm observant, I study and I learn. And with these skills that I possess, I can infer and hope that my advice makes sense, but keep in mind, my advice will be generalized and my readers have the absolute freedom to adapt my advice to fit their needs and their situation. And really, that's the best way to deal with it anyway.
This blog is dedicated to a friend of mine, who after coming out of a long-term relationship is finding himself surrounded by beautiful women, with no interest of actually embarking on the dating scene. Now ladies, do not think of my boy Chad as a ladies man who's just looking to get his fun on while he finds that special someone. The amazing thing about this friend of mine is that he finds again, the BEAUTY in these women. He looks at them as potential partners, not potential fun times. He said his major complaint is the time it takes to initiate a woman into his life, and my goodness he is certainly right.
My advice to him was this: I've realized that our past is the past. The choices we've made show our emotions and our mindset in the time we've made these choices. But now we're at an age where we're looking for meaning in relationships again. Here's the thing though, that's so hard to do, when we don't know what the meaning is. His meaning is that he wants to find someone who will cuddle with him on a night in over a movie, take walks holding hands, and while this sounds cheesy movie cliché, some people still find this in their partners, so there's no shame in it.
He says he attracts beautiful "fast" women. So I told him this: you have to mirror the person you want your woman to be. The reason is because I've learned that a lot of women imitate the image a guy says he wants in a girl, if she feels that this guy is worth exploring. So if you want a mature, confident, woman, you have to exude maturity and confidence. You have to be what you want them to be, and we will indeed come to your level because we see it as a challenge.
Here's a situation: You're at a bar, talking to two women who have the basic qualities that you're looking for. One is prettier than the other though. Go with the one who's not as pretty, because here's what happens: the prettier one will now humble herself because you didn't choose her, you chose the other, and the not-as pretty one will be more confident in herself because she beat the pretty girl, and even if neither girl works out, you basically molded two women in a sense. And ladies, don't scold me for this, cz we're about to release Girl Code on TV...so our secrets are now coming out one way or another. So now how do you approach these women? We give clues. We're not good at it though, that and men aren't good at receiving them. Guys, the rate a girl drinks her drink will determine the length of time she's staying. If a girl is there just to drink, and she's slamming them down quickly, then she's either trying to get over someone, or it's girls night and she's taken so she doesn't care about the outcome either way. But a girl who's looking to at least catch a guy's attention will take her time. She'll glance around the bar and make eye contact. If you connect with her, and she smiles, step 1 is in the bag. Step 2 gets harder. You have to wait for that second clue, it'll either be the look with a hair flip, hair tuck, or some other small gesture. That's the ok, I'm playing shy card. You may now walk over to her. If her cup is full, don't offer the drink, let her finish the one she's got. When you see her running out, offer to buy her another, if she hints she's going to stay. If she says no, don't press it, she's just trying to assert her independence. Let it be that way, but continue to pursue conversation. If she says yes, only buy her the one. A guy who spends too much money on the first meet, is a guy with other motives in our opinion. The drink is an ice breaker, the rest is up to you.
It's not easy. Getting back on the horse is always hard, because most of the time, you go into it blind, scared, or misguided. Most often it's misguided, but also it's often all 3. Even if you end up on the merry-go-round it's ok. Look at it this way, you're learning to conquer the beginner stages, before moving on to the real beast. As for those onlookers, remember this one VERY important thing about them: they will try to tell you how to ride, they will try and tell you to get off, they will try to tell you that you're being silly. But don't listen to them because guess what, they're not there with you, and more importantly, they're not YOU. Plain and simple. Enjoy the ride people. It gets better.
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