Today I was jamming out to the song Feel Again by OneRepublic so hard...and of course there is a reason.
God has given me something I didn't think I'd find, and while this journey hasn't been easy, it was one that I believe is worth it. And I made a promise, that I was going to stop at nothing to prove that I am forever grateful for the time I was given.
I don't know the outcome of everything that's been happening over the past few months, but I know that the experiences I've had, the journey I have taken, has led me to not only find myself again, but to find a part of me that was lost, to have the flame in my soul re-ignited. I have pushed myself to be a better person, to become what is wanted of me. I want to show that I can be more than what I'm wanted to be, I can be what I'm needed to be. I will go beyond the call of duty to make sure it all goes right, and even if I'm wrong, I will correct my mistakes, so long as I'm provided forgiveness. No amount of words can ever express the overwhelming feeling that has taken over my heart, and no amount of words will express the true beauty behind it all. Though time is precious and often short, the moments in between are what matter, the moments that were created are now videos in my mind.
I'll relate this to another song...it's a cinema...a Hollywood treasure. The memories replay over and over again, the good, the bad, the love, the anger, the sadness, the happiness. Regardless of the emotions, regardless of the outcome, I know what I need to do. I know that He is listening and He answers. And I know that if He didn't see fit, He wouldn't keep it in my life longer than it needed to be.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Monday, November 26, 2012
Looking like Santa post Thanksgiving? Christmas Diet...Here We Come!
So people have been asking me what my dieting secrets are and how I've managed to keep my body small. Listen, it wasn't easy. I bloated out my junior and senior year of college, put on at least 10 to 12 pounds and had my brother constantly call me fat and say "No Melissa, you really are getting fat". I took action after my senior year and thought to myself, I need to just get it all back, I don't want this little potbelly, I want a flat stomach, I want a bikini body and I want something I'd be proud of, because that's one less insecurity I'd have. Guess what, I did it!
My secrets:
1. Eliminate soda. I'm going back on my diet today. I slacked off because of a mini depression but now that I've found my bearings again, the first thing that worked real well was eliminating soda. The amount of sugars one bottle of soda contains is equal to about 16 spoons of sugar in your coffee. Completely not necessary by any means, and all it does is get converted to fat because your body will not burn it all in a day if you don't do exercise.
2. Look up fat flushers. Some foods are natural fat flushers, like raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, and even peaches for those of you who don't like the berry family. Kale is also a fat flusher, and certain spices believe it or not are fat flushers too. Which is why a lot of people are now looking to buy Raspberry Ketones, a supplement that's supposed to boost your metabolism. But I tell people, don't buy it because TV promotes it as a diet pill, do your research and research indicates that again, raspberries are good overall as part of your diet plan. So keep it natural, and buy a pint of the fruit itself :)
3. Put yourself on a controlled diet plan. Counting calories is tough, and not too many people really have the time to do it. So here's an easy way to really get your body in tip top shape without the calorie counting. Keep your breakfast and dinner on small portions and make lunch your biggest meal. Your body's metabolism is already active by lunch time and will be able to burn the food you have eaten for the day, but by dinner time, it slows down again, and what you eat, some of it will be stored and that's what you want to avoid. So for breakfast, cereal, oatmeal, small sandwiches are all simple and great to eat. Egg whites instead of eggs are excellent, fat free half and half milk instead of whole milk, whole wheat bread instead of white, are things to keep in mind.
4. Snacking is definitely okay. In fact I recommend it. Our bodies need energy to sustain ourselves through the day. My favorites are Fiber One brownies that are 90 calories each. Plus fiber is a great way to keep our digestive systems going and healthy. Also I absolutely love sugar free Jell-O pudding. My favorite is the chocolate vanilla swirl and trust me when I say you are not being skimped out on the taste.
5. Exercise. Now I don't feel you need to spend a ton of money joining a gym membership. There were two things I did to burn off those stored calories and fat, and that was simple cardio workouts. I used a cardio boxing game on my Wii to burn off those excess calories, and even something simple as jump roping and walking is all cardio. It gets your heart going, blood pumping and again activates your metabolism. You utilize your carbs, calories and fats as energy now, rather than it being stored in the body.
6. Last Resort: Supplementing diet stuff. I'm going to admit that I actually did supplement some dieting stuff to burn off those last few stubborn pounds, but that's all it was needed for. I was able to drop ten pounds on my own without the use of any dieting stuff, but for that last bit, I used Triple Strength L-Carnitine, an amino acid used for muscular energy and fat metabolism. Another good one is CLA and like I said Raspberry Ketones, but that one I don't think is as good as eating the actual fruit. Just my opinion, I don't endorse or feel it's required as part of your diet.
There you have it. My entire diet plan and methods that I used in the past year and a half. And I have to say, I still follow most of it. And when I get back to it all, my turkey belly will be gone by Christmas :) although I need it gone by the 15th!
My secrets:
1. Eliminate soda. I'm going back on my diet today. I slacked off because of a mini depression but now that I've found my bearings again, the first thing that worked real well was eliminating soda. The amount of sugars one bottle of soda contains is equal to about 16 spoons of sugar in your coffee. Completely not necessary by any means, and all it does is get converted to fat because your body will not burn it all in a day if you don't do exercise.
2. Look up fat flushers. Some foods are natural fat flushers, like raspberries, blueberries, strawberries, and even peaches for those of you who don't like the berry family. Kale is also a fat flusher, and certain spices believe it or not are fat flushers too. Which is why a lot of people are now looking to buy Raspberry Ketones, a supplement that's supposed to boost your metabolism. But I tell people, don't buy it because TV promotes it as a diet pill, do your research and research indicates that again, raspberries are good overall as part of your diet plan. So keep it natural, and buy a pint of the fruit itself :)
3. Put yourself on a controlled diet plan. Counting calories is tough, and not too many people really have the time to do it. So here's an easy way to really get your body in tip top shape without the calorie counting. Keep your breakfast and dinner on small portions and make lunch your biggest meal. Your body's metabolism is already active by lunch time and will be able to burn the food you have eaten for the day, but by dinner time, it slows down again, and what you eat, some of it will be stored and that's what you want to avoid. So for breakfast, cereal, oatmeal, small sandwiches are all simple and great to eat. Egg whites instead of eggs are excellent, fat free half and half milk instead of whole milk, whole wheat bread instead of white, are things to keep in mind.
4. Snacking is definitely okay. In fact I recommend it. Our bodies need energy to sustain ourselves through the day. My favorites are Fiber One brownies that are 90 calories each. Plus fiber is a great way to keep our digestive systems going and healthy. Also I absolutely love sugar free Jell-O pudding. My favorite is the chocolate vanilla swirl and trust me when I say you are not being skimped out on the taste.
5. Exercise. Now I don't feel you need to spend a ton of money joining a gym membership. There were two things I did to burn off those stored calories and fat, and that was simple cardio workouts. I used a cardio boxing game on my Wii to burn off those excess calories, and even something simple as jump roping and walking is all cardio. It gets your heart going, blood pumping and again activates your metabolism. You utilize your carbs, calories and fats as energy now, rather than it being stored in the body.
6. Last Resort: Supplementing diet stuff. I'm going to admit that I actually did supplement some dieting stuff to burn off those last few stubborn pounds, but that's all it was needed for. I was able to drop ten pounds on my own without the use of any dieting stuff, but for that last bit, I used Triple Strength L-Carnitine, an amino acid used for muscular energy and fat metabolism. Another good one is CLA and like I said Raspberry Ketones, but that one I don't think is as good as eating the actual fruit. Just my opinion, I don't endorse or feel it's required as part of your diet.
There you have it. My entire diet plan and methods that I used in the past year and a half. And I have to say, I still follow most of it. And when I get back to it all, my turkey belly will be gone by Christmas :) although I need it gone by the 15th!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
When it Comes to Love
I've always believed that there's a difference between what we want and what we need. But I am also realistic, I've always been aware that way too often people confuse these two and mistake what they think they need for something they really want. It's honestly hard to tell the difference, but here's where the line becomes the blurriest...when it comes to love.
We all want to find someone that we can really connect with, someone who will make us laugh, smile, who will melt our hearts and make us that giggly little girl that you see in movies. Someone who's romantic who will always find a way to show that they are thinking of us. But it really isn't the same as what we need.
It's hard to determine what we need in a relationship. Some of us girls need a man who will be our rock, her strength, someone who can get her through the things she can't do alone. Others of us need someone to be our opposite. The man who will tame our wild ways, or the man who will bring that little wild side out of us, someone who can show us all the things we're missing.
Now the fun part...what we deserve. This is probably where most relationships fall apart. Our heads are filled with ideas on the type of guy we deserve. Our friends tell us, you deserve a guy who will always text you, it shows you're always on his mind. If he doesn't, then he doesn't really care about you. Please don't fall for this, to some extent, it's true, a guy should text you, but not all the time. He needs time to miss you, he needs time to feel your lack of presence. But there are times where he will be busy, or he will have a lot on his mind, and while yes, a text takes only a few seconds, not all men think that way. Here's another one: you deserve a guy who treats you like a princess, like a queen. Someone who spoils you. No, not at all. I don't want someone to treat me like a princess or a queen or spoil me because it's not always genuine. The princesses we think of are the Disney princesses, the ones who meet their soulmate through a kiss that wakes them from a deep sleep or rescues them from a poison apple. The prince who searches far and wide across the land to find the maiden who left her shoe behind in his castle and sweeps her away from a rough family situation. The man who showers you with gifts and little tokens of affection to keep you happy or keep you around, but it doesn't necessarily means that he's just as happy. Lastly, here's my favorite, you deserve a guy who'll never make you cry. Let's be realistic, we're females, we're gonna cry. But it depends on the reason why you do it. If you're with a guy who makes you cry because all you do is argue all the time, then no that's not someone you want to be with. But if you cry because your biggest fear is losing him, because you know that you can't be without him, because you're so happy that he's in your life, then that's a man worth fighting for. Those are tears worth shedding.
So here's the way I see it. Find the man who makes you feel everything that you can't get from anyone else. The kind of love that you can't get from family and friends. Find the guy who makes you feel what people cannot see...the butterflies in your stomach, the erratic beating of your heart, the fire in your soul, the radiance of your aura. Find the guy who makes you smile at the thought of him, at the thought of seeing him. The one who makes you exuberate happiness outwardly. When the whole world can see how happy you are at the mere mention of his name, when they can see that glow, then you know you have found something that is unbelievable, something that can't be matched.
So on a personal note, I'll tell the world, I need him. I don't want to be without him, because all I want is him. More than anything. There is no other, because I just don't care nor am I interested in any other man. He has my heart and I know I've done everything to push him away, but many times, he stayed. He saw something in me, and it was something he thought was worth exploring. I cry because losing him hurts more than anything. He's the one thing in my life that I'd fight for, the one thing I want to keep, the one constant that keeps me going, that makes me strive to continue to be a better me. He pushed me to greatness, he made me a stronger fighter, he showed me that not only was I awesome, but that I was an accomplished chick. And while I knew all of this on a certain level, he took me to the next. And all I wanted, all I still want, is to do the same for him. But now I can't, and now I'm without. And I'm not the same.
We all want to find someone that we can really connect with, someone who will make us laugh, smile, who will melt our hearts and make us that giggly little girl that you see in movies. Someone who's romantic who will always find a way to show that they are thinking of us. But it really isn't the same as what we need.
It's hard to determine what we need in a relationship. Some of us girls need a man who will be our rock, her strength, someone who can get her through the things she can't do alone. Others of us need someone to be our opposite. The man who will tame our wild ways, or the man who will bring that little wild side out of us, someone who can show us all the things we're missing.
Now the fun part...what we deserve. This is probably where most relationships fall apart. Our heads are filled with ideas on the type of guy we deserve. Our friends tell us, you deserve a guy who will always text you, it shows you're always on his mind. If he doesn't, then he doesn't really care about you. Please don't fall for this, to some extent, it's true, a guy should text you, but not all the time. He needs time to miss you, he needs time to feel your lack of presence. But there are times where he will be busy, or he will have a lot on his mind, and while yes, a text takes only a few seconds, not all men think that way. Here's another one: you deserve a guy who treats you like a princess, like a queen. Someone who spoils you. No, not at all. I don't want someone to treat me like a princess or a queen or spoil me because it's not always genuine. The princesses we think of are the Disney princesses, the ones who meet their soulmate through a kiss that wakes them from a deep sleep or rescues them from a poison apple. The prince who searches far and wide across the land to find the maiden who left her shoe behind in his castle and sweeps her away from a rough family situation. The man who showers you with gifts and little tokens of affection to keep you happy or keep you around, but it doesn't necessarily means that he's just as happy. Lastly, here's my favorite, you deserve a guy who'll never make you cry. Let's be realistic, we're females, we're gonna cry. But it depends on the reason why you do it. If you're with a guy who makes you cry because all you do is argue all the time, then no that's not someone you want to be with. But if you cry because your biggest fear is losing him, because you know that you can't be without him, because you're so happy that he's in your life, then that's a man worth fighting for. Those are tears worth shedding.
So here's the way I see it. Find the man who makes you feel everything that you can't get from anyone else. The kind of love that you can't get from family and friends. Find the guy who makes you feel what people cannot see...the butterflies in your stomach, the erratic beating of your heart, the fire in your soul, the radiance of your aura. Find the guy who makes you smile at the thought of him, at the thought of seeing him. The one who makes you exuberate happiness outwardly. When the whole world can see how happy you are at the mere mention of his name, when they can see that glow, then you know you have found something that is unbelievable, something that can't be matched.
So on a personal note, I'll tell the world, I need him. I don't want to be without him, because all I want is him. More than anything. There is no other, because I just don't care nor am I interested in any other man. He has my heart and I know I've done everything to push him away, but many times, he stayed. He saw something in me, and it was something he thought was worth exploring. I cry because losing him hurts more than anything. He's the one thing in my life that I'd fight for, the one thing I want to keep, the one constant that keeps me going, that makes me strive to continue to be a better me. He pushed me to greatness, he made me a stronger fighter, he showed me that not only was I awesome, but that I was an accomplished chick. And while I knew all of this on a certain level, he took me to the next. And all I wanted, all I still want, is to do the same for him. But now I can't, and now I'm without. And I'm not the same.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Headstrong Side of the Quarter
I'm so creative...
I've reached it, a quarter of my life is now pretty much complete. And while I haven't accomplished everything I set out to, the things I've endured, the obstacles I've overcome, have all led me to where I am today. To flashback to every major incident in my life would take forever and a day to get through it all, and I don't have that kind of time anymore ;)
For my birthday this year, I finally made a plan to accomplish one of the things I've always dreamed of doing for myself. While I originally wanted a party, I find that with parties, you never have the same friends from the time you make the invitations to the time of the actual party. So why waste the money and effort on something that will never be a solidified and definite plan? So that day I'm going into the city to enjoy the things that I love the most, museums, history, and the beautiful site of the fashion forward, financial center of our wonderful state. However, that's not what I set a plan for. I am going to finally do a photoshoot. I am going to have someone take a bunch of pictures at a location of my of my choosing to celebrate ME :)
25 years. It's insane to think about all that's happened, from moving as a kid to a strange new town, to graduating top 20 in my class, to working full time by the age of 19, to holding supervisory positions and climbing my way through insanely structured corporate/retailers, to finishing college with my 4 year degree, and that was all by the age of 22. Odd to think that it was barely just the beginning, and all of that was still the easier things to deal with.
After that the next three years became filled with anxiety, grief, loss, heartbreak, finding myself, losing myself, loss again, financial struggle, emotional issues, pre-depression, and my favorite, a series of uncontrollable health issues that all heavily changed my life.
I'm exhausted quite honestly. This year in itself has been one that I often thought to myself, "How on earth did I maintain my sanity?" I owe much of my strength to God, much of it to my late grandmother, and much of it to the way my parents raised me. I am a fighter, a trooper, a winner, a powerhouse, a leader, an intelligent, determined and oh so awesome woman.
Today, I stand two weeks away from my 25th birthday, and when my parents asked me what I wanted, I couldn't tell them, because I feel like I really have almost everything I wanted that they could give me and at this point, the thing I want the most, they really have no control over. And that's basically love and success. Health, I've got it, technology, I've got it, clothes, a roof, and entertainment, I've got it.
This year, I celebrate me, because I honestly believe I deserve it, and I'm going to show it! I'm ready to GO!
I've reached it, a quarter of my life is now pretty much complete. And while I haven't accomplished everything I set out to, the things I've endured, the obstacles I've overcome, have all led me to where I am today. To flashback to every major incident in my life would take forever and a day to get through it all, and I don't have that kind of time anymore ;)
For my birthday this year, I finally made a plan to accomplish one of the things I've always dreamed of doing for myself. While I originally wanted a party, I find that with parties, you never have the same friends from the time you make the invitations to the time of the actual party. So why waste the money and effort on something that will never be a solidified and definite plan? So that day I'm going into the city to enjoy the things that I love the most, museums, history, and the beautiful site of the fashion forward, financial center of our wonderful state. However, that's not what I set a plan for. I am going to finally do a photoshoot. I am going to have someone take a bunch of pictures at a location of my of my choosing to celebrate ME :)
25 years. It's insane to think about all that's happened, from moving as a kid to a strange new town, to graduating top 20 in my class, to working full time by the age of 19, to holding supervisory positions and climbing my way through insanely structured corporate/retailers, to finishing college with my 4 year degree, and that was all by the age of 22. Odd to think that it was barely just the beginning, and all of that was still the easier things to deal with.
After that the next three years became filled with anxiety, grief, loss, heartbreak, finding myself, losing myself, loss again, financial struggle, emotional issues, pre-depression, and my favorite, a series of uncontrollable health issues that all heavily changed my life.
I'm exhausted quite honestly. This year in itself has been one that I often thought to myself, "How on earth did I maintain my sanity?" I owe much of my strength to God, much of it to my late grandmother, and much of it to the way my parents raised me. I am a fighter, a trooper, a winner, a powerhouse, a leader, an intelligent, determined and oh so awesome woman.
Today, I stand two weeks away from my 25th birthday, and when my parents asked me what I wanted, I couldn't tell them, because I feel like I really have almost everything I wanted that they could give me and at this point, the thing I want the most, they really have no control over. And that's basically love and success. Health, I've got it, technology, I've got it, clothes, a roof, and entertainment, I've got it.
This year, I celebrate me, because I honestly believe I deserve it, and I'm going to show it! I'm ready to GO!
Friday, October 19, 2012
Tough Skin, Soft Tissue
I just giggled at myself for such a title, because it's not what you would think it to be. It's been about a week and a half since my surgery and I have to say, where I first thought I was doing well, it turns out, that physically this was true, but emotionally, I had a long way to go.
I'm going to admit right off the bat that this has been the hardest month of my life. I have cried almost everyday straight, sometimes just at the thought of it all, other times at the fact that this whole thing was not what I thought it was going to be. I realized that people showed their true colors, but at the same time, not so much that I showed mine, but I showed how vulnerable I really am.
Everyone has known me to be a strong person, someone that they can rely on in tough times, because for the most part, I really am that person. I sympathize, I relate, I support like a great bra. But sometimes the wires in that support break and you have a choice, either you fix it, or you get a new bra lol. But hey! Don't go replacing me so fast, because in this instance, I am completely fixable, so maybe that analogy wasn't the best one, but I was trying to keep it in the TaTas theme, sorry.
Why tough skin, soft tissue? Because they say that the skin is thick, I mean it's made of three layers, and technically it does take some really sharp object to break through it. But that's the exterior. Beneath the skin lies soft tissue, and that's what's easier to wear and tear. Like the adenoma, it was a mass of soft tissue, that literally fell apart once removed. And it's safe to say, this I pretty much did the same. I don't know what it was exactly. I don't know why. All I know is that I closed up. I shut down. I stopped talking to my parents and my family, I even stopped talking to most of my friends. I spoke to only a few select people, and while many of you knew what I was going through physically, few of you knew what I was going through emotionally.
As I said before, this was a scary ordeal. When you know there is something in your body that's not supposed to be there, all you want to do is get it out. But you know that removing it requires surgery and with surgery comes a whole flood of other fears and concerns. And while most of them seem so small and silly, when you pile that on top of everything you're already worried about, those small questions just get bigger and more overwhelming. I began to think about going under and wondering what if my heart stops because this was all too much for me? What if I have a bad reaction? What if the surgery takes longer than expected? What if it was bigger than expected?
Remember how as a kid, some of us, not sure if you were one of them, but some kids look at a boo boo and start to cry? And even though it didn't hurt anymore and it stopped bleeding, you'd be fine and then 20 minutes later, you see it and you just cry again? That's been me post op. I look at my bandages and I start to cry. I can't even see my scar yet, but I cry because I see bandages, and I know that underneath, my skin was cut to create this gaping hole where they pulled out a mass. I kid you not people, this was my thought process.
I was happy at first, I had an amazing support system. I was fine, things went well, I mean I was able to pretty much get back to normal with the exception of heavy lifting and stretching or reaching. Still I found that those limitations also made me feel like this wasn't going to be a super speedy recovery like they made it seem. I was ok with certain aspects because I got out of doing shipment at work :) but at the same time, I really felt like I wanted to be able to do so much more, and I just couldn't.
Ultimately, today is the first day that I have stopped crying. This morning I was still a tear fest, but with the help of my aunt and one of my amazing friends, I saw things a bit differently, and it really helped me to ease my thoughts and suppress my worries. I felt good, I felt like I could start to go back to myself, the way I was pre-fibroadenoma. We'll see how I continue to progress, but today, I took a huge step forward towards normalcy.
I'm going to admit right off the bat that this has been the hardest month of my life. I have cried almost everyday straight, sometimes just at the thought of it all, other times at the fact that this whole thing was not what I thought it was going to be. I realized that people showed their true colors, but at the same time, not so much that I showed mine, but I showed how vulnerable I really am.
Everyone has known me to be a strong person, someone that they can rely on in tough times, because for the most part, I really am that person. I sympathize, I relate, I support like a great bra. But sometimes the wires in that support break and you have a choice, either you fix it, or you get a new bra lol. But hey! Don't go replacing me so fast, because in this instance, I am completely fixable, so maybe that analogy wasn't the best one, but I was trying to keep it in the TaTas theme, sorry.
Why tough skin, soft tissue? Because they say that the skin is thick, I mean it's made of three layers, and technically it does take some really sharp object to break through it. But that's the exterior. Beneath the skin lies soft tissue, and that's what's easier to wear and tear. Like the adenoma, it was a mass of soft tissue, that literally fell apart once removed. And it's safe to say, this I pretty much did the same. I don't know what it was exactly. I don't know why. All I know is that I closed up. I shut down. I stopped talking to my parents and my family, I even stopped talking to most of my friends. I spoke to only a few select people, and while many of you knew what I was going through physically, few of you knew what I was going through emotionally.
As I said before, this was a scary ordeal. When you know there is something in your body that's not supposed to be there, all you want to do is get it out. But you know that removing it requires surgery and with surgery comes a whole flood of other fears and concerns. And while most of them seem so small and silly, when you pile that on top of everything you're already worried about, those small questions just get bigger and more overwhelming. I began to think about going under and wondering what if my heart stops because this was all too much for me? What if I have a bad reaction? What if the surgery takes longer than expected? What if it was bigger than expected?
Remember how as a kid, some of us, not sure if you were one of them, but some kids look at a boo boo and start to cry? And even though it didn't hurt anymore and it stopped bleeding, you'd be fine and then 20 minutes later, you see it and you just cry again? That's been me post op. I look at my bandages and I start to cry. I can't even see my scar yet, but I cry because I see bandages, and I know that underneath, my skin was cut to create this gaping hole where they pulled out a mass. I kid you not people, this was my thought process.
I was happy at first, I had an amazing support system. I was fine, things went well, I mean I was able to pretty much get back to normal with the exception of heavy lifting and stretching or reaching. Still I found that those limitations also made me feel like this wasn't going to be a super speedy recovery like they made it seem. I was ok with certain aspects because I got out of doing shipment at work :) but at the same time, I really felt like I wanted to be able to do so much more, and I just couldn't.
Ultimately, today is the first day that I have stopped crying. This morning I was still a tear fest, but with the help of my aunt and one of my amazing friends, I saw things a bit differently, and it really helped me to ease my thoughts and suppress my worries. I felt good, I felt like I could start to go back to myself, the way I was pre-fibroadenoma. We'll see how I continue to progress, but today, I took a huge step forward towards normalcy.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Feeling Myself..Part 3 Post Surgery
So I finally had the surgery yesterday to remove the mass that was in my boob. My goodness was that an experience in itself. To be honest, it was the scariest, most nervewracking experience ever. To be in a hospital waiting room while you get the pre-op paperwork done, then you're shown into your room where they make you change into your robe behind a curtain, and not only that but you're stuck trying not to listen to the conversations going on around you, because you'd rather not know what the person next to you is going through, and hearing them voicing their concerns does not make yours any less.
I got the lucky opportunity to have my IV put in by a new nurse, and let me tell you, she was not successful. Here's the problem, I am absolutely terrible with needles, and I didn't need to hear someone say, "um, her vein shifted, I think we'll have to start over". But me being the big baby that I am, I got dizzy and nauseous and needed a few minutes to breathe, just so I wouldn't throw up. They decided to give me a pro nurse the second time around. Needless to say, my left arm and my left hand both have a nice black and blue.
I met with my anesthesiologist who asked me much of the same questions the pre-op nurse did. But when she didn't address my anxiety, I asked about it, and she was like are you worried about this? Of course, I said yeah, I'm kind of overwhelmed. She gave me something that was equivalent to two cups of wine and the worry surely went away. Overall, the operation took longer than originally anticipated, but I do feel like I'm handling it better than I thought I would.
Today I'm a bit sore, I'm in slight pain, but not enough to fill the super strong prescription that they gave me. I'm trying to be a trooper about all this and minimize the amount of pills I take. I want to endure this as best as I can. I am also swollen so I've been icing it to try and minimize it, but again, it's just all part of the recovery process.
I do have to say that throughout all this, I've had an amazing support system. And I truly want to thank those who were there for me. To those who weren't, it's fine, because I didn't have any expectations going through this. In fact, a good portion of those who read the first blog have yet to do my challenge that I asked of them. So in all honesty, I know where I stand and the people who stuck by me are the people who I will treasure the most, forever. Because they didn't have to take time out of their lives for something so heavy and something so hard-hitting but they did. They did it for me, and I will never forget it.
This journey isn't over. Tomorrow I get my dressings changed, and then I still have to wait for the final results of the biopsy. The good news of it all is that my scar will be minimal, the mass is out of my chest, and I can continue to work on maintaining my health while I'm still young and still got it. I'm happy with knowing that this was an eye-opening experience, and that there are people in my life who no matter what, were there for me, even if they hadn't known me for years. I have so much love in my heart right now, and I am so ready to share it.
I got the lucky opportunity to have my IV put in by a new nurse, and let me tell you, she was not successful. Here's the problem, I am absolutely terrible with needles, and I didn't need to hear someone say, "um, her vein shifted, I think we'll have to start over". But me being the big baby that I am, I got dizzy and nauseous and needed a few minutes to breathe, just so I wouldn't throw up. They decided to give me a pro nurse the second time around. Needless to say, my left arm and my left hand both have a nice black and blue.
I met with my anesthesiologist who asked me much of the same questions the pre-op nurse did. But when she didn't address my anxiety, I asked about it, and she was like are you worried about this? Of course, I said yeah, I'm kind of overwhelmed. She gave me something that was equivalent to two cups of wine and the worry surely went away. Overall, the operation took longer than originally anticipated, but I do feel like I'm handling it better than I thought I would.
Today I'm a bit sore, I'm in slight pain, but not enough to fill the super strong prescription that they gave me. I'm trying to be a trooper about all this and minimize the amount of pills I take. I want to endure this as best as I can. I am also swollen so I've been icing it to try and minimize it, but again, it's just all part of the recovery process.
I do have to say that throughout all this, I've had an amazing support system. And I truly want to thank those who were there for me. To those who weren't, it's fine, because I didn't have any expectations going through this. In fact, a good portion of those who read the first blog have yet to do my challenge that I asked of them. So in all honesty, I know where I stand and the people who stuck by me are the people who I will treasure the most, forever. Because they didn't have to take time out of their lives for something so heavy and something so hard-hitting but they did. They did it for me, and I will never forget it.
This journey isn't over. Tomorrow I get my dressings changed, and then I still have to wait for the final results of the biopsy. The good news of it all is that my scar will be minimal, the mass is out of my chest, and I can continue to work on maintaining my health while I'm still young and still got it. I'm happy with knowing that this was an eye-opening experience, and that there are people in my life who no matter what, were there for me, even if they hadn't known me for years. I have so much love in my heart right now, and I am so ready to share it.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Because She's With Me
Today was interesting...
I've always believed that dragonflies and butterflies are the embodiment of the souls of people in our lives who have passed away but have come to our side in times of need. Some of my friends have looked at me as though I was strange, but today was a bit of solid proof that my belief may not be so farfetched. Or today could be considered a complete coincidence. Either way, I'm taking something from it.
After having coffee with my friend today, I went to Staples to visit some old coworkers and friends. Lo and behold, there was a former customer of mine getting signs done for Breast Cancer Awareness, which truly warmed my heart. Yes I'm a big sap. So I said hi to my former customer and they actually would end up needing my help, which gained me them as my customers in my current field. Very exciting right?
As luck and fate would have it, this customer is a psychic. Yes, a psychic. Normally I'm not really into the whole psychic thing, let me give you a reading, and tell you stuff about your life that you may or may not want to hear. But when I was catching up with this oh so sweet lady, she looked at my necklace and asked if that was my grandmother, and I said yes, and she was like, she crossed over right? And I responded yes again. Then she said, what I already suspected, "she's still with you, you know". That made my day. Because earlier that day, I saw a monarch butterfly. And yesterday I saw the butterfly and dragonfly. So I know that she has been making appearances, but it was nice to have outside confirmation. It was odd, but truly nice. And to that ends my story of my happy awkward moment, because she's with me :)
I've always believed that dragonflies and butterflies are the embodiment of the souls of people in our lives who have passed away but have come to our side in times of need. Some of my friends have looked at me as though I was strange, but today was a bit of solid proof that my belief may not be so farfetched. Or today could be considered a complete coincidence. Either way, I'm taking something from it.
After having coffee with my friend today, I went to Staples to visit some old coworkers and friends. Lo and behold, there was a former customer of mine getting signs done for Breast Cancer Awareness, which truly warmed my heart. Yes I'm a big sap. So I said hi to my former customer and they actually would end up needing my help, which gained me them as my customers in my current field. Very exciting right?
As luck and fate would have it, this customer is a psychic. Yes, a psychic. Normally I'm not really into the whole psychic thing, let me give you a reading, and tell you stuff about your life that you may or may not want to hear. But when I was catching up with this oh so sweet lady, she looked at my necklace and asked if that was my grandmother, and I said yes, and she was like, she crossed over right? And I responded yes again. Then she said, what I already suspected, "she's still with you, you know". That made my day. Because earlier that day, I saw a monarch butterfly. And yesterday I saw the butterfly and dragonfly. So I know that she has been making appearances, but it was nice to have outside confirmation. It was odd, but truly nice. And to that ends my story of my happy awkward moment, because she's with me :)
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